Sailor Moon SuperS Episode 18 - Aim for the Prima! Usagi's Ballet

Hello there, Internet. This is where I might say something incredibly snobbish like 'didn't see you there' or 'sorry I was just in the middle of', but I never liked those sorts of things. I mean, it's fun once in awhile if you're, oh, Colbert, but most people are not, in fact, Colbert, therefore the delivery is kind of lackluster. It's not quite there.

Why am I going on about this? I dunno. Why are you reading a blog about bad anime? Why am I writing a blog about bad anime? Some answers don't have questions.

Don't think about that last one too hard. I'm not.

TO THE SHOW!

I've seen everything I need to know about this episode in the first two seconds of the preview.

Yep. That's it. We can all go home now.

GEE. I WONDER WHAT THIS EPISODE IS ABOUT. OH RIGHT, IT'S ABOUT FISH EYE SEDUCING A DUDE AND THEN THE NUTCRACKER APPEARS.

ROLL THE GODDAMN INTRO. I HAVE NOT ENOUGH SANITY REMAINING TO PUSH THIS OFF ANY FURTHER.

145 episodes into this show, and I still like the intro. Man. Anyways, the show is beginning. Team Teen Mom and Futurekid are looking at a ballet poster and find out some place is holding free ballet lessons.

Oh yeah, Gizelle, that super popular... what the hell is that?

Whatever you do, don't Google Gizelle. It won't bring up anything worthwhile, trust me.

The family get all excited because man even losers like them could maybe someday ballerina.

... did she start the super Moe movement? Oh god I hope not.

They both dream of being the star on stage which leads us right into our title slide.

... huh, I don't actually hate this so far. Weird. I smell something fishy...

We immediately head over to that cafe where nobody ever goes to anymore to find all the friends meeting up to learn their useless dolt of a leader-friend is now part of a ballet troupe. By which we really mean to say she says she's joining them for lessons and they haven't actually done any of the ballet-ing yet. Is that a verb? It is now.

Thankfully, Ami is here to give us the rundown of the plot for this nonexistent play. Gizelle is a girl who dies after her lover betrays her, then turns into a spirit so that she... can help her lover that betrayed her avoid some kind of death curse from other spirits...?

... WHAT THE F**K JAPAN.

NO SERIOUSLY WHAT THE F**K.

So anyways, Usagi isn't playing Gizelle but has been given 'the perfect part' for her. Also, ha ha Chibiusa YOU ARE TOO YOUNG COME BACK WHEN YOU ARE NINE HUNDRED AND FIVE HA HA HA HA.

Also, Rei continues the trend of not only being a total bitch, but also wearing tops that are quite inappropriate for a shrine maiden.

Is it just me, or is Rei getting more rebellious as time goes on?

So everyone is suspicious that Usagi be given any sort of a role and we find ourselves over at the school now. Ballet school, I mean. There are a lot of schools in this show so I can see how it would be easy to get confused.

Look at all these people who only exist as background.

Also for some reason they let Teen Mom bring along her future child to practice, and said person is currently rummaging through her locker. But as she goes to put on her shoe, she finds a tack in them, and is like "WHAT."

"Jesus, I looked up to this woman growing up?"

Blah blah blah gonna be the prima donna of the world whatever. Oh and Usagi put the tacks in there on purpose for the sole purpose of re-enacting some shit she saw on TV last night.

....

Wait I'm confused I thought you said kids couldn't ballet.

Usagi has trouble with the ballet, child talks about how fat her future mom is getting, and some dude barks about how people are getting things wrong. They apologize but it's not them, nobody even gives a shit that they're even there. Turns out the star of the show is getting some flack.

WOW SICK BURN BRUH.

She's told to do the thing again and the other girls are like 'whoa man that's rough.'

Oh yeah and he's back dressing up as a lady again.

Oh hey look at that it's time for the beginner's class. Off goes the star and we learn now that all those other people who existed at the start of this scene?

They are magically nonexistent now.

Welp, time for the only two beginners.  Wait, nevermind, they're not.

Everyone is here. I... am kind of surprised at Mina. But Ami?
She has naturally short hair why does it look totally different now?!

Anyways, everyone is like 'yay friendship awesome'.

The perspective here feels... off.

Oh yeah and then there's Fish Eye, you've never met him/her. And for some reason he doesn't recognize any of them despite having dealt with them SEVERAL TIMES BEFORE.

Well time for lessons.

There is quite literally nobody else in this studio now.

The girls go through various ballet shenanigans, including kicking a dude, but then he sees Fish Eye and is like 'welp I like men now'. Also all the girls are like "I like girls now" but they notice she doesn't exactly feel 'human'. Which is exactly what dude has been looking for and asks her to stay after class. Meanwhile that other girl who is already playing the role? Overhears that and is like "OH GEE, I AM ONLY RIGHT OVER HERE YOU ASSHOLE."

It's almost like she's being made to play the actual part of Gizelle
outside of the play. A play within a play. A play-ception, if you will?

So she runs over to try and salvage her, uh, career I guess? Demanding to know what the hell this is all about and stuff. Before he can explain of course, she gets all mad and stuff.

Oh gee she made the comparison.

She then runs off. And stuff. Also talks about dying after being betrayed? Eh, I'm sure that won't come back to bite anybody. But hey, Fish Eye is now the star! And stuff.

Why do I keep appending and stuff? Whatever. The lesson is now over and the friends are like "ARCADE TIIIIIME" and Usagi is like "aw but I'm tired" and then everyone walks off without her, but then she overhears some other girls talking about that other girl.

Oh but hey guess who they just so happen to bump into along the way?

I'm sure she's totally not contemplating suicide. I mean come
on, everyone talks about killing themselves and just walks
over to some bridge, that's just how Japan works.

They immediately wind up on a bench talking to the girl who admits she is probably some kind of moron.

Chibiusa, could you at least pretend to be interested in the
conversation? I mean come on.

The girl talks about how she and the dude in charge butt heads all the time, but she knows the only reason he made the decision that he hasn't made yet is because she just isn't good enough.

Time for the tiny tot to chime in talking about how girl's dancing is pretty nice what with all the warm feelings and kindness and all that crap. Therefore it makes the girl actually kind of an amazing person and maybe she just isn't set up for this role in particular and it has nothing to do with skill.

I doubt this show will ever touch on that mind you, instead they're just going to go with the inevitable 'oh now I am suddenly good enough' reveal at the end. Either that or 'director changes the play at the last minute'. Both are likely at this point.

Blah blah dude loves the ballet but doesn't see anything else and oh no she totally lurves him and stuff and talks about teh plot about that thing and she's like "I wanted to be like him" and talks about wanting to help even if she can't be the star so on.

Well now she feels better thanks to that pep talk, girl laughs and is like "OKAY TIME TO GO BACK NOW" and they're like "you can do it" and we fade into Chibiusa talking to herself. But her horse pal hears things and decides to chime in, talking about how someday if she never gives up, her feelings will eventually be understood.

Says the nine-hundred year old girl.

BOY I SURE HOPE THINGS WORK OUT WELL FOR THAT ONE GIRL AT SOME POINT AFTER THESE MESSAGES FROM OUR SPONSORS. ROLL COMMERCIALS.

Returning from the break, we see some folks at the ballet school working hard.

That's what she said. Or would if he was a girl.

He invites Fish Eye to a stage rehearsal which makes him super happy, and then dude does the 80's ten mile stare into a musical interlude as he thinks about that girl. Fish Eye catches onto this immediately, of course.

GEE. I WONDER.

Dude apologizes for making 'her' feel 'uncomfortable'. Also it's been a few days now? What the what.

Sometimes I just do not understand Fish Eye.

*sigh*

Now look. I get the whole gender identity issues. In a way, that makes Sailor Moon one of the most progressive anime of all time. But is there really a reason why they always have to be villains? I don't think it's wrong of me to think that's just a little bit messed up, right?

Just as Fish Eye is cuddling up super close and asking him to show his dreams, some... really weird shit happens.

Art consistency? What's that?

Usagi forgot her ballet shoes and was just totally standing there for no reason watching when she tripped over her own feet. As usual.

Why is this explanation even necessary? Why does anyone care? Nobody asked what she was doing there.

Fish Eye gets mad at this, the girls slink off and dude is like 'yeah everyone should go home now'.

So everyone leaves but first, he asks if Usagi can show up tomorrow to practice for the thing. Now they're on their way home or... actually nevermind we're at some other scene. Where that other girl shows up to give support to that dude during the rehearsal?

Fish Eye is all like "WHEEEEEE!"

Then they talk about things, and dude drops the bomb that Fish Eye isn't gonna be Gizelle. He's been using Fish Eye to figure out how to make that other girl into the perfect Gizelle. Which... I'm not sure I follow, but okay.

UH YEAH NO SHIT.

Dude is like 'uh no the other girl was always Gizelle but I have some other part for you' and Fish Eye is like 'f**k this if I'm not the star I'm out I'm a better dancer anyways'.

I... huh. Y'know, I actually have zero problems with this.

He talks about how he never imagined anybody but that other girl to be the star and it's because he isn't looking for the perfect person to play the role but someone who can continue to grow using the role and get people to come back for that. It makes a strange kind of sense in a way.

This episode is surprising me in many ways.

Fish Eye asks about appearances being everything - which they aren't, and I really, really appreciate them using this as a framing device. It's like they actually got someone who knew what they were doing to direct this episode, because so far it's pretty f***ing spot on.

He explains that it isn't enough to look good - you have to touch the hearts of the viewers, and without that, you have nothing. Which is how he feels about ballet - a performance should touch the heart of the viewer, and that's not something he will ever give up on. Girl hears this from the side of the stage and is like 'aww he cares'. She then apologizes for jumping to conclusions and not listening to the guy in charge, and he's like 'yeah well I was just trying to figure out how to make you better at the ballet' and then she runs over in a field of stars and bubbles and Fish Eye is all 'okay sick of being ignored gonna do a thing now'.

I dunno if 'trained' is the correct word, but sure.

Then he knocks the girl down with some water and puts a dude on a board and is like 'welp dreams'. Meanwhile Usagi shows up with her future-kid to transform because hey, they've done this a lot they know the drill, and can jump right into the stock footage that is absolutely necessary for every episode.

Even if it kills the pacing.

Fish Eye goes to have a look at some dreams, doesn't find what he's looking for and is like 'welp gotta kill you' but then those two take to the stage (literally), and declare that they will punish him for being a dick.

Fish Eye is really mad so he gets right to the whole monster thing.

Oh god I WAS JOKING ABOUT THAT.

Sailor Moon is like "okay seriously this is just... I don't want to do this anymore" and Chibi Moon is like "yeah, I hear ya".

You know it's bad when your heroes are getting tired of this shit.

Anyways the doll is told to deal with things as Fish Eye leaves, and he proclaims that he will... 'turn them into prima donnas'. Even Fish Eye is like "man I dunno about this but whatever" and then it starts doing weird shit.

It's just... spinning there. Maybe you should just take care of it?

It then slaps a tutu on Sailor Moon, just because.

Yep, I'm lost now.

He talks about how she's fat and if she doesn't exercise she can't do ballet and then he forces her to spin around against her will.

... I'm not sure what more can be said about this.

So both girls get dizzy, and the tutu comes off but he's like 'blah blah more training'. The girls complain but this only makes the nutcracker mad so he fires a giant walnut out of his head.

Also, he uses what can only be described as a shotgun walnut.

After 'teaching them everything he can', he gives them a very special message.

At least he's kind of honest.

But oh look it's Tuxedo Mask. He needed to show up to make some Shakespeare references and distract the doll so a tiny girl and ring a bell and a larger girl can get the magical riding crop used to save the day.

What other scouts? You mean Usagi's friends? Who needs 'em.

Anyways the monster is defeated, the ballet couple wake up and find out they're both safe, they hug and then Sailor Moon hugs Tuxedo Mask who is like "okay seriously though go on a diet". They talk about how she needs to stop being so fat all the time if she wants to save people, and now we get to see the stage performance with everyone watching.

They are no longer main characters in this show. They are
side characters at best by this point.

So where is Usagi in all of this? Chibiusa was told not to tell, but it turns out she was made into the moon.

Literally into the moon. Ha ha.

End of episode.

You know what we didn't see? The bar scene. The 'tell the badguys what they need to do' scene. I'm noticing that any time Fish Eye is involved as a villain, the writing gets a lot better. The pacing becomes much smoother. And they don't rely on the stock footage quite as much.

I would be totally fine if the rest of the show was like this, but I know better. It's probably all downhill from there. But still... if it did get better from this point, I'd be willing to forgive many of its prior transgressions.

Well, we'll see how things go.