Shimoneta Episode 04 - The Saying Goes... Love Is Justice

I'm scared.

It has come to my attention that the fourth episode of Shimoneta may be my breaking point. And we are now at the fourth episode.

The end of the last one has certainly filled me with trepidation. You see, part of me believes this may be the end of the road. I could never watch this show again, and live a fulfilling life and be better off for it. But on the other hand... I started this blog for a reason. To chronicle the survival of some of the worst shows imaginable. And I have simply quit far too many shows at this point.

Therefore, part of me wants to prove the world wrong, and show them that I can survive anything Shimoneta has to offer.

Deep breath. We're going in. Wish me luck.

So yeah, remember dude got hit in the head protecting that one girl? Well. He got an email from that other girl thanking him for taking one for the team.

Someone really needs to tell her how innuendo ACTUALLY works.

Oh and some dude is, uh. Y'know. Helping him?

*hurk*

... oh f**k no.

CUE THE INTRO. WE'RE GOING IN HOT NOW.

At this point. I'm just... letting the intro happen. Just... just watching this crap is enough to make me begin shuddering. I don't want to watch this. I DO NOT WANT TO WATCH THIS.

WHY AM I WATCHING THIS.

We are now at the actual start of the show. Dudebro is eating his cut apples in bed. Not in peace, of course.

I have so many questions about lapgirl right now. So. Many.

Turns out there is a reason she can't come in the door like a regular person. She's been 'blacklisted' by the 'medical institutions'.

I can't imagine why.

Also she brought him a gift.

What the... what the what?

She remarks how strange it is that big dude is suddenly so chummy and also she has some questions.

*flails arms around wildly*

The only reason she asks, of course, is because that big guy has gotten really chummy with him and that makes her feel 'uncomfortable'. He says that the only reason dude is being so nice is because he's finally come to realize that they're all on the same side so maybe she can leave the cucumbers out of the discussion now?

Also lapgirl wants to meet/see the council president or whatever at some point? But Anna hasn't shown up yet at all for some reason. Probably due to the kiss thing. Then he wonders why she wants to talk to Anna, and we learn that things at school have gotten worse. Things like 'surprise inspections' which is where they just randomly look through people's stuff, and it has lapgirl a bit concerned. After all, Anna's never been quite this vehement about the eradication of things she's told she shouldn't like.

We then get to see Anna basically losing her shit while burning some lewd photos.

Yep, she's lost it.

Meanwhile, other things are happening.

Little girl has never seen other naked women despite being a
woman herself. I... HOW DO YOU PEOPLE TEACH
HEALTH CLASS?!?!

Anyways, tinygirl is now totally on board with things and is excited to art. But she's not gonna draw with her hands, oh no. She's gonna draw... with her mouth.

Now, I suspect some of you out there might have expected me to get all up in arms over this development, but I'm not. It's actually not only possible, but it has been done by some rather high-profile artists. It may sound ridiculous, but I assure you, drawing with one's mouth is totally a thing that can be done.

.... this on the other hand....

Tinygirl gets upset though because pictures simply aren't enough. She needs 'live models'.

Oh boy.

I'm not sure how sticking your thumb out like that is 'lewd',
but okay whatever bruh.

Then Tinygirl goes to visit dudebro, or he's back at school, I dunno, and he's like "Anna never came to visit". They talk a bit more and she's all talking about how she's almost over her 'slump' and the reason is Anna, who wanted to reward her somehow. How did she reward her?

Uh-huuuuh.

Anyways after damn near throttling the tiny child girl, we find out that Anna refused to go see him for some reason. I'm sure it's got nothing to do with the kiss thing.

So now he thinks that Anna hates his guts, and tiny child is excited by Anna's expressions, and she is totally close to that thing artists get where they have some kind of revelation.

Skip to the council room where we are carrying a box of mushrooms for... some reason.

Uh huh.

Anna basically pretends like he doesn't exist, and that makes him sad. Big guy wants to know what is up and suggest maybe he get some rest and Anna is like "yes go rest we can't have you being sick and stuff" and he's like "oh okay sure whatever I can take a hint". Also, we find out that other girl didn't show up today because 'reasons'. Then he and Anna bump against one another, she tries not to suck on her finger and runs out.

Now dude is home and it turns out someone is... stalking him or something, as he sees something just outside of his patio door.

OH HELL NAW.

But before he can examine the source of this unusual substance, he gets a VERY important call from a VERY excited someone who demands to meet him immediately at the place they always meet.

Penis - the new way of saying goodbye.

I am beginning to suspect her issue isn't that she 'loves dirty jokes'. I think she just has f***ing tourettes.

He takes one more look at the weird deposit, and then goes off to listen to some more bullshit.

Please. Please stop. It hurts. We know. We get it. You have
penis envy. If you had a dick you'd be fondling it all the time.

His sour mood is noted and it is revealed the source of his dourness is Anna. Prompting yet another line of questioning.

YOU WERE RIGHT F***ING THERE!!

He wants to know what this is all about.

These are getting more and more painful to endure.

They go to the basement where we see that worm thing is in a fish tank, and we also learn that there's some place with a shitload of erotic hardcore stuff.

Yes because god forbid you should know how your body works.

I think you meant genre, but sure if you want to make rape
part of some pornographic taxonomy that works too.

This show just loves saying things.

I don't know how much more of this I can take.

The others do wonder if perhaps this stuff still even exists. After all if she's heard of it, hasn't the Decency Squad? Oh but you see, this is private property. A 'special case'.

Uh... what?

Dude died but his grandson took over the estate and... wait, what?

Part of the will stipulated that his grandson... what?

What?

But when the squad heard about it dude made some sort of excuse?

What the f**k??

Of course she'd have reacted differently.

Sure. Okay. Whatever.

Anyways since then the search was rescheduled but they beefed up security around the place to keep it under observation.

What the f**k are you even talking about????

So, her brilliant plan... is that over the course of the next three weeks, they leak information about the dirty materials to the rest of the student body. And get them to storm the forest in three weeks. To 'happen along' the material.

This. This is so f***ing stupid. I don't have words to express how damn stupid this is.

Though, by the time bro gets home, he uh, finds that something has changed.

Well... that escalated quickly.

Back to school, and our villains are talking about gathering informational stuff, and he's like 'yeah so uh I can't actually go around finding things because I kind of have a huge problem right now'.

I'd accuse them of recycling last episode's plot, but I think this
is different enough.

Oh, and he had another letter in his desk from this morning.

NO LIQUID SHOULD RETAIN THIS CONSISTENCY
FOR ANY REASON EVER. EW EW EW EW EW.

So yeah. DUDEBRO ISN'T DOING SHIT BECAUSE HOLY F**K THIS IS CREEPY AS SHIT AND EW GOD GROSS NO UGH.

We find out that Sophia (I think that's Anna's mom) is gonna be giving some big speech thing that's broadcast nationwide and because of that security is kind of crazy around here. So Anna's mom steps onto the stage and is like "YO. JAPAN NUMBER ONE. OR ARE WE?"

I once again call into question how anyone is supposed to
HAVE kids when nobody knows how MAKING kids works!

Zzzzzzzzz.

Blah blah we need more laws blah blah adults good children bad blah blah HERE ARE NEW THINGS YOU ALL MUST WEAR.

What. The. F**k.

HOW THE F**K IS ANYBODY SUPPOSED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM IN THOSE THINGS.

DID NOBODY EVER-

F**k it. I give up. I give up. Any pretense of this show wanting to make a point about censorship and all that? F**k it. That's all a lie. All of it. Just. All of it. They have no interest in that. Nope, they just want to go with the most ridiculous bullshit imaginable with absolutely no regard for how reality actually works.

My god. You were right, Internet. YOU WERE RIGHT. I want to give up. I want to just... be done with this show. It has shown no redeeming value at this point. I want to quit.

... but I won't. I will not let it end here. I. Will. CONQUER SHIMONETA.

So. The point. Of this speech. Is to force the kids to be all "WE WANT RESTRICTIVE PANTIES THAT MAKE IT IMPOSSIBLE TO USE THE BATHROOM" and the country will have NO CHOICE BUT TO BOW TO THIS.

You can't see it, but right now, I am vibrating at the sort of frequency one uses to break rock.

I WANT TO TELL YOU HOW IMPORTANT IT IS THAT YOU
CHOOSE TO RESTRICT YOUR CHOICES.

They were originally going to have everyone sign this thing TODAY HERE AND NOW but then they decided, what was everyone doing on Sunday? Nothing? Good we'll just do it then instead. What's important about that? Heck if I know. So these chastity belts have raven haired girl in a tizzy. What do? WHAT. DO?

Oh, that whole forest search thing happens at the same time this bill is supposed to be signed so gee I wonder it's almost as if someone has been listening in on their plans or whatever.

Oh and lapgirl's entire lab has been scrubbed clean. Insects? Gone. All her chemicals and stuff? Removed.

... who the f**k wipes a...

No. I'm just. I'm not going to think about it. It is literally too stupid for consideration.

Over to the coffee bar where plans are being made. Whatever will they do. They need some porny stuff to get the students hot and bothered. Anyways, the ringleader asks our hero to 'take one for the team'.

Why is any of this necessary?

Uh huh. Sure. Whatever you say pal.

We cut back to the cafe where... the tiny one is ordered to start living with dudebro effective immediately.

... what.

How many f***ing shows am I watching now? What the f**k is even going on?!

Also he was told to.... put a note on his door, presumably to tell his stalker to come on in and sex him up.

Drugs have to be better than this. They have to be.

So. Let me get this straight folks.

The plan. Is to invite dudebro's stalker in for sexy times. While the tiny one watches and draws it. So that the folks at school can have some porn.

YOU WOULD THINK THAT IT IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR THIS SHOW TO CONTINUE GETTING ANY MORE INSANE. AND YET, I GET THE FEELING THAT IT IS TOTALLY GOING TO GO EVEN FURTHER DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE.

I cannot stress how hard it is to keep typing things at this point.

I. Will not. Bend to this show. I must not. I must persevere. It's almost. Almost over.

Now it is night. Dude is sleeping in his living room in front of a dirty mag, and someone sees that note on his door.

YEP. NO WAY THIS COULD EVER GO WRONG.

Someone barges in, tackles a dude, and uh, y'know. Ties him up. Takes off her panties, shoves it on his head, and begins to make with the undressing. Oh yeah and it's Anna by the way.

She straight up apologizes for feeling like this and just makes right with the getting undressed and basically forcing herself upon him.

Sure. Love. That's what this is.

If you say so.

Oh and she gets right to the literal ripping off his shirt and is like "BOY. HOWEVER SHOULD I RELEASE ALL OF THESE FEELINGS INSIDE OF ME."

At this point, the show literally becomes a straight up hentai.

Just. Not even joking. This was televised.

As was this.

Also this.

Cue the taking off of the shorts and tiny girl getting totally turned on by this shit and girl forcing herself on him and... oh yeah they're also not alone. I mean, y'know.

Sure, why not? Everybody's invited.

Uhhhhhhhhhh.

UHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Anna goes running from the room, dude realizes Anna's panties were on his face, and Kajo sees the trouser snake bro has been packing away the entire time.

I have to admit, I absolutely love these expressions of distress.
They fit me to a tee.

Tiny girl laments not being able to use her hands to draw and immediately gets to work. Uh. With her mouth.

I'm scared.

I am so very, very scared.

Then the credits roll. But this isn't the end of the episode. Are you kidding? They've still got a whole minute plus to fill! We find ourselves at the center of the city, where lapgirl meets up with Anna as she returns home so they can have a 'chat'.

YA DONE WREKT MAH SHIT YA BITCH.

She demands to know what the f**k is wrong with Anna.

Her answer? So that she can 'attain a strong love'.

Uh... huuuuuuh.

We find out that Anna has truly gone off the deep end. She believes that so long as one does what is 'right and pure' that one can be loved and accepted by others.

So... is that justification for rape because that's kind of how that is sounding right now.

Says the chick who just got done tying a dude down and
trying to ride him after barging into his apartment.

Lapgirl gets right to it though. So the whole reason Anna went on her little rampage was so someone would like her? Well, that doesn't sit well with lapgirl because that's all her research and stuff you went and destroyed, and that's no good.

You know she's mad.

What?

Once again for emphasis. What??

Starting to think this city needs to be nuked from orbit.
Just to be safe.

END OF EPISODE.

YOU HAVE NOT DEFEATED ME YET SHIMONETA.

BUT F**K YOU CAME PRETTY GODDAMN CLOSE THERE.

BUCKLE UP PEOPLE. WE'RE IN THIS ONE FOR THE LONG HAUL NOW. ALL ABOARD THE CUCKOO EXPRESS, LAST STOP LALA LAND.

SEE YOU ASSHOLES IN HELL.