Shimoneta Episode 01 - Whom Does Public Order and Morality Serve?

It should be noted that the full title of this show is actually called Shimoneta  to Iu Gainen ga Sonzai Shinai Taikutsu na Sekai. Loosely translated, this means "A Boring World Where the Concept of Dirty Jokes Doesn't Exist".

Now, some of you might remember I watched another show called Daimidaler. It drove me up the f***ing wall. I may have considered saying some extremely horrible things about Japan as a result. I might have even almost entirely lost faith in anime because of it.

Let's just say, it was an all-around bad time, and I am not expecting anything less from this show.

So buckle in folks, because I get the feeling I will be crying blood by the time this episode is over with.

At least this show knows how to start out properly. It gets our attention immediately, probably in an attempt to lull us into a false sense of security.

Okay, this is a good establishing shot. I can live with this.

We get to see some city and then... oh. Yeah.

Twelve seconds in. THAT DIDN'T LAST LONG.

Turns out a bunch of guys are sitting in a circle. Looking at... the softest-core porn imaginable.

Is this still technically a circle jerk?

But then the jackboots come and rappel down the side of the building as guys are about to turn the page and see some REALLY JUICY SHIT.

... really? Necklaces? *sigh*

Great. This... *sigh*

So there are words they can't say, the thing won't let them say them because they are 'obscene' and they all say things they shouldn't say and freak out and start throwing the mags into suitcases. Which is when the windows explode and the... guys show up?

Yep. Not even a minute in and I already want to headdesk.

So they beat people with batons, one bro gets tazed, and oh no some lady shows up to yell at them.

This is exactly like Daimidaler.

The mags will be burned, and the others will get 'hard labor' based on the bad words they used, and then they flamethrower stuff and we move on to winter. A train goes by and a narrator tells us that the use of 'sexual' words, public or private, are banned and have been for decades. Also, since this is the future everyone has magical computer bracelets.

I hate this show already so much.

Won't somebody please think of the children?

Anyways their police are called Peacemakers, or PMs. Also, some other bullshit about Japan number one.

What the f**k? That doesn't even make sense!

How do you quantify 'public morals' and the health of such things? That's f***ing gibberish! It's like talking about the validity of drinking water while you walk down the street. It makes no sense at all!

Two minutes in, and my brain is now shutting down.

Some dude buckles down something fierce so he can get this over with and be with Anna. So he's gonna super hard pencil this test you better believe it.

Somebody better take the pencils away from me before
I begin to jab my eyeballs with every one I can find.

Oh and his answer is basically the wedding vows. Also the narrator tells us that since Japan's youth no longer use dirty, vulgar terms, they can "now live healthy, happy lives as they grow up to enjoy a bright future".

I have so very many issues with this. Because it's stupid. It is stupid and just... stupid!! It's so dumb I can't even tell you how dumb it is because I am forced to use the same words over and over because that's how f***ing idiotic this is!!

Anyways we get our first title slide which is wordy as f**k.

I get the feeling we're gonna be seeing this train a LOT.

Some people are on the train, and dude got into the school and can't wait to see this Anna chick. But then he hears some dude trying desperately not to furiously masturbate on the train.

Yeah, that wasn't a joke.

Dude starts freaking out over that dude who is clearly not restraining himself from bursting the bonds of his, well, whatever it is, and wonders if he is a pervert.

If you have to ask that question, chances are very good that yes, he is exactly that.

Anyways that woman gets all mad because he's been tapping dat aaaaaass.

Seriously though. He was actually tapping her ass.

People start taking photos with their wristbands.... how the f**k does that work anyways?

No seriously how the f**k does that work????

They talk about how he may not be from around here and doesn't know it's against the law to touch women... and... some shit about how the world is so much better now? Hero bro is pretty sure this is some bullshit though since guy was clearly looking at him while trying not to furiously rub one out, so he tears off his jacket, thinks about that Anna chick, and decides he's gonna clear things up and not let someone innocent get charged with whatever it is they charge people with.

He... puts on a bandanna, looks up a map and... what the hell is this, some wannabe Batman shit? He comes up with an 'escape route', and then pops up, takes the blame for touching a butt, drags the lady off the train, and the lady is all pissy.

What a surprise.

But she sics the guards on HIM instead, and he finds himself surrounded by guys who are all to eager to cross the tracks to tackle one dude. But then some chick shows up and is like YO WHAT UP. And the attendants freak out and tell everyone GET THE HELL OUT THIS IS AN EVACUATION.

Not even five minutes. Not even. Not even five minutes.

Oh god. Where do I being with all of this idiocy. Just... where.

F**k it. I'm not going to address how dumb this is. I can't. We're just going to move along.

That 'ding' is an actual sound effect by the way.

Oh god. I... I think...

Oh god.

I haven't felt like this since... since Daimidaler actually.

I don't know if I can do this guys. I don't.

Everyone screams and talks about covering ears so you don't fall to her terroris-

.... clearly I need to up my game.

... this hurts so much to watch. You have no idea.

*begins sobbing uncontrollably*

You know the animation team has given up at this point. Because
not a god damn thing was animated during the last three sentences.

She declares that dirty jokes are a right, throws some cards all over the place of girls wearing panties that gets all the guys hot and bothered, then she jumps down and tells bro to get the hell to school before he is late.

Yeah because that's not gonna be suspicious at all.

She then runs off laughing and nobody can do anything, while he meanwhile rappels down a rope and gets ropeburn.

But he made it to school, and hears some guys talking shit about him already.

AGAIN. HOW IS THIS EVEN QUANTIFIED?!

Oh but then Anna shows up as the class rep.

This is Anna and she will totally be hating on you in about...
five, maybe ten seconds at most.

She welcomes the student body, and he watches her on his wrist thing while the other dudes in his class are like 'the f**k is this creeper creeping for'.

Oh and he has a girl living under his desk I guess.

She has a question for him.

Yep. Almost seven minutes in, and I want to stick my nuts
in a blender.

He tries to answer with some wishy-washy bullshit, she calls him on it, and says you can't really quantify 'love' so that explanation really doesn't work and you can't actually describe the baby-making process in that way.

Oh and she 'wishes to unlock the secrets of reproduction'.

What. The. Actual. F**k.

She tried asking how ladies got pregnant and not only got no answers, but got kicked out. And since this guy is 'from the outside' he ought to know how this all works, right?

... yep, I got nothing.

But he gets saved by some other chick who is clearly a hard-ass that is totally not that chick who saved him before.

Totally not the same girl.

Also she's the vice president on the student council or whatever and she has duties she wants to assign him? Y'know, for reasons I guess. So he should come along to the meeting. Like now? Or else I guess. Oh but lapgirl still has other things to say.

Like I said. Things.

She seems to think that 'cucumbers' have something to do with this whole reproductive thing. And just kinda looks up at him.

Jump cut to....

Holy shit she is stacked like pancakes.

Anna introduces herself as the student council president, and oh hey look that other guy he tried to help out is also on the council, gee isn't that just weird?

So this entire show is just euphemisms? Great.

Big guy is the treasurer. But anyways they ask if he wants to join the student council and he immediately leaps on the chance... but not before first questioning why. I mean, he just got here, and he is from a school with a terrible record of being decent compared to the rest of the world (I guess). But turns out that's why they want him, because someone like him has never shown up. Oh and also, there's that darn terrorist running around. Who may be a student at the school? So they want to kind of deal with this but there's something of a problem.

Kill me. Kill me now.

So Anna's argument is that she is SO pure of heart that she didn't even recognize this person as existing and therefore cannot even.

.... F**K THIS SHOW IS F***ING STUPID.

They ask him to join to deal with this problem, and he says that he will gladly take this on for her.

So it's up to that girl who isn't Anna to fill him in on the details, so she takes dude out to some... empty place somewhere. She commends him on his acting and basically outs herself as being the panty-wearing terrorista.

Oh and for some reason she has no problem swearing.

This is really the entire show. Oh god.

... what have I gotten myself into.

I knew I was signing up for something pretty bad but... oh my GOD.

This is the entire show. 

No shit dude.

This is really just the entire show. Help.

She tackles him and tries to get him to stop calling the Decency Squad, and the butler shows up and is like 'order something bitch'. Fastforward and she finds out he wasn't joking about that shit, and Anna 'changed his life' or something and he 'isn't like he's dad' but now she has to keep him in line since he knows who she is.

Which involves tying him up in the basement I guess.

Oh god. This show just goes on forever doesn't it. Please.
Please end it soon. Please.

He refuses. It's the name isn't it?

It's totally the name.

She talks about what a nice name he has since it's like Tanuki and decides to give him a lesson on Tanuki balls.

... yes, this is actually happening. We are getting a lecture on Tanuki balls.

I... I need an adult.

She... 'chose' him for something. Also she has to make all the jokes int eh world. Also, she.... has a flip phone that lets her avoid the censorship filters for like, three minutes a day? But wait didn't you already use that earlier? Also her DAD made this stupid crazy system and left in a loophole specifically for HER to exploit?

I... I can't. I... *sigh*

Oh yeah and her dad is kinda famous I guess.

*chokes* HE WHAT.

Turns out though dude was innocent but he was set up the bomb anyways. How tragic.

NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE

Her dad told her that she can love the dirty jokes all she wants or whatever and she pretends to be a stick in the mud and play terrorist to change the world because f**k the establishment. So he'll join now right? Oh, you dont' want to? Find then, you'll just have to be labeled as a sex offender. Oh and if he rats her out it'll make Anna look bad and he wouldn't want that right? Also they're kinda BFF's so if he plays nice she'll put in a few good words?

.............

..... yep. This is a new record. 16 minutes. This show has broken me. I... I don't. I don't even.

How. Who. Why?

Just. Just don't dude. Don't.

It's totally natural to want to go Animal Channel on another human being, or so says Not Anna, and she says that together they're gonna create a new world. Which... is kind of like the old one? I'm not sure how that can really be all that different.

Next day, he's tied up in the chemistry lab with lapgirl. Who, of course, put gas in his locker and tied him up so she could ask him questions.

Gassing people? Totally okay. Saying titties though? Grounds
for expulsion that.

She has him look at some flies doing the nasty, and is like 'boy this sure seems like a thing people should do right?' and he runs out while flies continue to do things.

Also in the bathroom guys talk about wearing girls panties and how doing so... makes your dick fall off. Or... turns you into a woman?

I really don't know how much more I can take. But we're almost done... I may as well see this through to the end.

The most tragic part about this is that some people might
actually believe this in America.

He gets Not Anna to help him off the chair he's tied to, and she talks about how stupid people are even though she keeps trying to educate people about how the f**k you f**k in the first place. Which is an important thing? Which it is admittedly but good god.

Also she thinks lapgirl is also pretty terrifying. But he tells her about the flies thing and she gets an idea for a new terrorist act.

Go to the weekend. Wait no go to the track. They get panties on their faces and prepare to introduce the new world.

There's an assembly going on but it gets interrupted with... stuff. Cards fall from teh ceiling and they are the ladies in tight or no clothes, and Anna is like "huh must be a diversion" and then suddenly OH NO THE TRACK.

Oh but nope the distraction was a distraction? Because the assembly gets to see a thing.

What a distracting distraction this distraction is distracting
us from.

Lapgirl looks around, not Anna is making all the sexy noises, and the student body is like 'what the f**k is happening to me". Also so much visual imagery involving even GODZILLA basically sends the entire student body to their knees.

Oh and dudebro is the distraction outside with a wig running circles I guess.

It doesn't.

He wonders why doing bad things feels good. I.... I can't deal anymore. I'm so glad this is over. COME AT ME CLOSING THEME. I CAN TAKE THIS I THINK PROBABLY NOT.

So what is our ending? It's crap is what it is.

Okay. Fine. I'm being harsh. BUT I HATE IT ANYWAYS.

So... there's nothing I can say about this show. It's nothing but double entendres and straight up vulgarity. That's the entire show.

It's insane. Just... insane. I can't describe it any other way. It is literal insanity.

Oh god.

I think this show is going to drive me to drink.

What have I begun?