Master of Martial Hearts Episode 02 - A Reason to Fight

Hello there again Internet. I haven't forgotten you. I know that I still have catching up to do. It's a thing that I'm working on. After all, there's a lot of stuff coming up, and I'd like to be ready for the new season starting up next month. Where I might pick up a show or two.

That said, I've got some Master of Martial Hearts here to watch. But before I get to that, I'd like to take a moment and say, if you read this blog on a regular basis: Thank you. I do keep an eye on stats and such, and I see that, well, of the ninety-some hits my blog gets a day, I'm sure that maybe two or even three of you are legitimate human beings. Or cats. I've got nothing against cats. Or dogs. On the Internet, nobody can tell. Or care. So who am I to judge your species of choice?

Of course, I'd still like this thing to reach other people. But to do that, I'd probably need some kind of incentive or something. Maybe some kind of a bonus entry or some such? Perhaps I'd even be willing to go against some things I've said about other certain shows and finish them to completion?

... no, there's no way I could hate myself that much, right?

Well, just some random thoughts I suppose. It's high time we dove into this show again, so let's hop to it, shall we?

They begin straight up with the intro. Makes sense. Can't be mad about that. Even if it sucks, at least they decided to get the thing you are most likely to tune out done immediately, rather than let your brain shut off two minutes into the show.

By the way. I did a little bit of research. The studio responsible for this atrocity? They're the same guys that gave us Wanna Be the Strongest! Oh yeah. Those guys. So we can safely say they are simply lazy f***s.

Also, how they managed to make a five episode series out of this, but went for a full 13 with something that clearly had EVEN LESS PLOT to it makes my mind reel. But let's stop rambling because the intro is finally over.

See, now we're into the recap territory. They show us all the crazy shit that happened last episode and slip in a title slide and bam, we're to the actual episode in record time, without any mind-numbing pauses inbetween. Gotta hand it to 'em, at least they know enough to give the viewer enough time to skip the first two minutes and not actually miss a thing! Credit where it's due, people.

So remember last episode where the Miko named Miko's apartment was trashed? Yeah forget all that because IMMEDIATE SHOWER SCENE. Oh and I guess they could show some of Miko's apartment being trashed but NAKED GIRL BUTT. AND BOOBS. YOU LIKE BOOBS RIGHT? WELL HERE YOU GO. NAKED GIRL STUFF. AW YEAH SO HOT.

Oh and now we get another flashback where she talks to the owner of the shrine who is all "uh, Miko who? I have no idea what you're on about, never met her. Even though she like lives in the apartment right next to my shrine and supposedly worked here. Sorry kid."

I guess you could say she really didn't leave a very
lasting impression... dohohohohohoho.

Turns out it's just the guy and his wife taking care of the shrine, so he really has no idea what she is on about. Cut to her now taking a bath, instead of a shower, because I guess you take both of them.

Also, the cops show up and the ransacked apartment is totally empty and has been that way for the last six months. Which confuses the poor girl because she totally knows what she saw.

Yes, the Miko named Miko who was kidnapped because she
decided to stop taking part in a series of street fights
against other women who... yeah you sound crazy.

There's nothing to go on, so the cops just let her go to be naked in her bathroom for the loving audience to see. Oh and reminiscing about her other friend telling her about people getting pulled into "the Dark World" if they fail the challenge set forth by the Platonic Heart. So I guess we're not about to get some kind of crazy Thor crossover? Nah, didn't think so.

She rationalizes this by telling herself that this could never happen in the real world. Yeah, like creepy text messages from no one or weird ladies tying people you barely know to bombs and throwing money at you are things that would also happen in real life, but whatever. Then she's all "she didn't lose, she quit the game" except that her friend clearly stated that they have to fail to meet the challenge. Refusing to meet said challenge technically counts as a disqualification in my book.

Cut to the mom figure totally bitching her kid out for coming home late without calling in advance and also arriving with an utterly destroyed uniform. Yeah that won't raise any weird questions at all I'm sure. Also I get the feeling she has like sixty of those damn uniforms lying around, so it's no big deal.

Of course she's all "well you're in high school so if you take responsibility for your clothes yourself I won't say anything". Which is actually kind of nice? I mean, this mom is so chill she doesn't give two f***s that her kid was attacked or something? I mean, you have to be a super chill mom who survived like six Kumites to be that calm.

"Oh but you're not dealing with anything you couldn't talk to your dead dad about right?" she asks as they linger on a photo of the family.

I'm having a hard time imagining her mom actually won
any sort of martial arts tournaments. Especially with GLASSES.

Also she ran into her daughter's teacher on the way home and turns out they must live in the same area! Gee what a shock. Also she was staring super hard at some discount foods or something and her mom thought it was super embarrassing or something. Gee, I can't imagine that this incredibly riveting plot point will become relevant anytime soon.

Let's spend the next minute or so talking about boring stuff like grades, and discount foods that you may or may not be eating, and then focusing on that cell phone charm that she got. Then the phone goes off, and she gets a message congratulating her on her victory. Also, updates on her current ranking.

Wait wait you're changing the rules on us all of a sudden.

Okay so let me see if I get this straight. We've gone from "a tournament that tells you when and where to fight someone" to "beat X number of people without being defeated and you win the game"? Before it sounded a lot like only one person could emerge victorious, but under the new management, anyone can be declared a winner so long as they fill their heart gauge?

I smell bullshit.

But hey, let's increase the bullshitometer by transferring Miko's previous winnings to the main character. Just because.

I get the feeling I'll be saying this a lot soon.

The next day at school, Aya is locked out of the school. Because... she's late.

Yeah no that's just arbitrary bullshit dude.

And since this is her third tardy she is supposed to be immediately suspended from school. Because that's a reasonable thing to do, right? Late three times and you're gone for a week? Even by Japan's standards, this seems a bit harsh, but whatever. He has an alternate punishment in mind for her though.

This is eerily specific and I'm sure he should not have a job.

Cut to her running in that exact outfit, but only in a dream sequence just because. They accuse him of sexual harrassment but he's all "whatever, you were late so it's one or the other so make up your mind." But then their homeroom teacher shows up and is all "dude this is weird" and he's all "oh uh, this is uh, just punishing a student who was late, nothing unusual going on here, you need something?"

Yeah like she's totally gonna buy that excuse.

Instead she comes up with one on her own. See, they live in the same neighborhood so the teacher 'supposedly' asked her student to pick up some chemistry shit on the way over because, that's just how they roll or something. So now she's off the hook just by playing along.

Now they're in the school and she's all "oh yeah your mom asked me to watch out for you yesterday gee how convenient was that?" and they're all "man teacher you are the best". And she's like "yo best read your material because I will totally call on you in class" and Aya's like "so how bout them discount foodstuffs?"

Not entirely sure why this is your reaction but whatever.

Now school is suddenly over. Or they're on break or something, and Aya and her pal talk about the whole Miko vanishing. There's no answers to what's going on and boy this is really strange that none of the things Miko said seem true, or that her place was just totes empty, but I'm going to get to the bottom of it. Yep, she sure is.

Well if it's got Tom Hiddleston in it can you really be mad?

One way or another, Aya vows to find Miko, even though she has no idea how to do that. Oh what's that, you're suddenly getting a text message from the Platonic Heart Head Office? Wow, what great timing! I bet they're going to give you the answer to all of your problems.

Turns out she's got a fight to get off to, and so she's off to go beat someone down. She meets at the designated area which is a park of some sort, and Aya is totally okay with this.

I have to wonder if the original language had this kind
of innuendo in it too because man.

Of course her friend had to tag along and she's all "no way I'm gonna leave you to fight alone" and then their teacher shows up to be all "yeah I can't help you with the sneaking off campus thing dude" and they're all "but it's for a friend!" and she's all "oh yeah your dumb wish right? Welp guess I better be all dramatic as I tell you I'm your opponent." COMMERCIAL BREAK WITH BOOBS.

No seriously this slide has terribly drawn nudity.

BUT BACK TO THE SHOW. SHE CANNOT FIGHT HER TEACHER. OH NOES THE DRAMA. NEITHER OF THEM WANT TO FIGHT BUT MUST BECAUSE SOME WEIRD TEXT MESSAGE SAID SO.

Anyways she's all "well look kid if you don't wanna fight then let me just knock you out with one hit kay thanks lets go". Cue the heroine getting all weepy over a flashback about that girl she knew for a couple of hours, and decides to ask if she ever heard of Miko before they fight. And goes on to ask if she has any idea what happens to people who lose, but she can't answer any of those things so it's time for them to get to teh punching.

Blah blah more boring talking about how Aya is good in PE but not in Chemistry but okay they'll talk about how neither of them can lose this fight they're not really having, and they finally fight for three seconds before her teacher congratulates her on being so awesome for not falling from a single high kick.

Dude you like, barely did anything to begin with.

Guess they better do this fight later on though, she's got a meeting to get to and lunch is almost over. Cut to after school and Natsume arrives at her place and she's all "hey my bro will be home soon you wanna come in?" and Aya's all "nah I'm good" after remembering the whole strapped to a bomb thing that happened last night. Then Natsume's mom comes out. Turns out she's mute and only speaks in sign language. I guess that's kinda neat.

The mom signs if Aya will be staying but nope she's gotta go and takes the train home and who else happens to be there but the teacher? She asks if the kid will just forfeit the match, but nope can't do that so guess they gotta fight tomorrow. But what is her wish? Well. Can't let that slip because it would make it harder for them to fight. It's probably something dumb anyway.

Even though you already said you knew what her wish was?

Aya gets home and reads a magazine and her mom gives her some coffee. Or maybe tea, could be either. And her mom is all "dude what is up with you" and she's all "nothin" and then asks her mom what it was like back when she was a competitive fighter with glasses. And if she ever had to fight friends. Which of course she did she was a competitive fighter I mean you fight freaking everyone, and starts wondering just what her kid has gotten herself into. But they fade to black and it's chemistry class now. Aya isn't paying attention of course, and gets called on.

Of course she can't answer shit and her teacher is all "at least memorize the periodic table" and HOLY SHIT WHO DOES THAT. I MEAN GOD. WHO REQUIRES THAT IN HIGH SCHOOL? WOW.

Let it be known that I never took chemistry but that seems to be a weird thing to memorize if you're not ever going to actually be a chemist. That seems like the kind of thing you'd expect out of college level material, not high school.

And now back to the lecture while Natsume talks about how normal their teacher seems to be. DRAMATIC CUT TO THE PARK AFTER SCHOOL. WEIRD ZOOMS AND TALKING ABOUT HOW THEY DON'T WANT TO FIGHT BUT MUST FOR REASONS THAT WILL NOT BE DISCLOSED. AND TALKING ABOUT NOT HOLDING BACK.

And now the teacher is wearing battle gear. Because just dressing like a teacher would make it harder to fight against? Also, let me just point this out:

Immediately before the coat is taken off...

Immediately after coat is taken off.

Somehow, she materialized this battle gear quite literally out of thin f***ing air. What the hell? Where was this stuff BEFORE taking off the coat?

Oh and better ask if she studied her shit before the fight but oh well. That was actually a hint of how to win but that's okay because it doesn't really matter anyway time to own your face. Her gloves glow with a Mysterious Light and.... freaking chemistry emblems appear on both gloves and her kneepad boot things.

Oh goodie. She calls out "Water" and starts punching clothes off. Great. Just great. I could not be any more excited.

I'd prefer they used KO myself.

Next, she attacks with something slightly more deadly.

... yeah all you're doing is naming punches after things.

Leave it to Natsume to tell us a thing we probably could have figured out in freaking grade school. That the letters and stuff are all chemical stuff. Gee who'd have thought a chemistry teacher would do something like that. Certainly not me.

Oh no, whatever will Aya do, these chemical things are making her teacher move faster. Yawn.

No I'm not sure that's really how that works.

If only she had studied. But her teacher is all "please try to remember the lecture!" and Aya's all "O2? Oh, that's two right punches okay". Herp derp derp why is this even a thing. At least the last opponent had an actual theme that, while weird, kind of worked. This on the other hand is just boringly lame. But then we see an uppercut and shreds Aya's top. But then she's all "okay if I think of them as combo attacks I can do this" but freezes just before she can hit her teacher. Oh the drama.

So she gets a boot to the head, and her teacher is all "please don't get up". But she gets up anyways. So now the chemical compounds change so she can say other ridiculous bullshit while beating the crap out of a kid, and attacks her with a "lethal weapon Mustard Gas" which is just stupid since all you're doing is punching the crap out of her.

Then just as Aya thinks she's about to lose she remembers Miko and goes all berserker rage and slows time down and goes to town on her teacher shredding her clothes instead. All that's left are some panties. Oh and lots of blood. Guess that means she loses. All she wanted was something with her dad, and Aya tells her pal to call for an ambulance.

Now there are people standing on top of a building watching the fight. Uh, what?

Uh, what is going on here?

So it looks like we have a cop, a nurse, and an old-time prostitute? Who are the ones behind making the flight attendant vanish I guess? End episode.

It's at this point the show begins to raise a lot of questions. Like, how many f***ing times are they going to change the rules on us, is this just some kind of fever dream, and why are these people who should be fighting instead working together and seeming like they're kind of running the show? What in the hell is going on?

I get this very strong feeling I'm not going to like how this ends. Because it will probably be some of the dumbest shit I have ever heard.

Like, seriously. Dumb shit.

This show is mediocre at best so far, but I can see it clearly has potential for legendary amounts of bad. We'll see what the next episode brings us. At any rate, this is still somehow better than Wanna Be the Strongest! ever was. Though that's probably not saying a lot...