Sailor Moon S Episode 04 - Usagi's Idol! The Graceful Genius Michiru

Holy crap it has been a long run to get to this point. Monday will mark the 200th anime post. That's a lot of in-depth analysis of shows.

I've thought long and hard about what I want to do and... well, I've got something special all right. Not how I intended to use it, but I think you'll find it interesting. I hope you will, at any rate. I'll be putting a lot of work into it.

That having been said, wow, it's time for more Sailor Moon! Who could have predicted that.

According to the episode overview this week, I guess we're going to be seeing some kind of concert. Who is playing? Oh you silly goose, who else would be? Certainly not Gackt.

Not Ellie Goulding either but I guess we can let it slide.

So Usagi of course goes to the concert after being invited and gee I wonder what will OH WHAT THE F***ING CHRIST MONKEYS IS THAT?! OH GOD IT IS TERRIFYING.

YOU WILL FIND OUT WHAT IT IS LATER BUT OH HOLY GOD WHAT. IT BETTER NO DO WHAT I THINK IT WILL. ROLL THE DAMN INTRO ALREADY WILL YOU OH GOD.

I really like this new intro. It just... it feels better. It's nice there's tons of stuff going on like there should be, and the music is just plain good. I'm going to be giving them points for it, because this is how an intro should be.

Though the title slide... hnngh. I shouldn't get too mad at them but... it's no Pretty Cure, that's for sure.

Anyway the show starts and some moron is visiting her boyfriend with tasty cookies that uh, she probably didn't burn. But nobody is around. Or at least, his door is unlocked and she just lets herself in to take a look around. There's classical music playing and, oh, what's that he's studying?

Perhaps the wisest decision he has ever made, wanting to
ensure that his future daughter is genetically superior.
Unlike her mother.

So she laughs and dumps all the cookies because she is somehow unable to hold a bag of cookies and a text book at the same time. We're off to a great start today folks. But it's fine because they sucked anyways, having been all burnt, and not long after her supposed boyfriend shows up to find that his high school girlfriend is already in his apartment, crying.

This dude makes girls cry even when he's not around. If that's not a crime, I don't know what is!

Hang on did she pick up on the subtext of the genetic
engineering textbook, or is she just being pouty again?

But she cries because she "fails as his wife" which... you're not even at this point but whatever, and he picks up one of the disgusting cookies and wolfs it down regardless. Because, well, he's a man, and that's what men do, right? At least he's trying to do something right for a change, so I won't give him shit.

Blonde, dumb, and generally non-threatening.

So now all the girls are at the park and she tells them all about what happened and how he was totally awesome for eating all of his cookies. There's a joke about food poisoning and Ami is all "no worries if it was cooked there's not much chance of that no matter how bad they were" and everybody else laughs. Then there's some incredibly dramatic screeching violins as she looks about to completely blow up before going "nah, I'm good today".

Now she decides that she wants Ami to teach her everything there is to know about Genetic Engineering. Because... of course another high school student who has top scores in everything is going to be an expert about this kind of stuff. I'd say that I got the impression she didn't think this through very well, but I'm absolutely sure that's the case. I mean, this is the most idiotic character in the show, after all.

Actually that's not fair. She's still somehow smarter than 90% of the villains they face.

Oh, and she wants Mako to teach her to cook. And Mina can teach her English? And Rei could totally show her how to wear a Kimono because that would make her the most perfect wife ever.

Aren't you like, 80 episodes too late to be shocked by this?
Hell, 20 episodes again you clearly saw they'd get married!

Mina freaks out and grabs Artemis, and flees with Mako who are all "gotta get outta here", leaving Ami to go "uh, maybe you should pick up like, chemistry and biology first because they're kinda important" when Rei is all "shut yo bitch mouth can't you see the girl is depressed?"

Usagi looks like she's broken her neck or something... ugh.

Actually that look of concern she's showing is completely incorrect because she actually says "she's just saying stuff like always" which makes Usagi - predictably - angry, and they start giving each other funny looks again. But to add insult to injury she's all "last time I tried to teach you how to wear one of those things you didn't listen to a thing so screw that never again". Boo hoo.

Then she leaves with Ami, leaving Usagi with her cat who is all "yeah they kinda have a point I mean, you always give up on everything all the time, and they're kinda sick of it?" But she takes it a step further by saying that at this rate Mamoru won't want to marry her, and uh, now she has a weepy blonde to deal with. As if she isn't generally annoying enough.

... having said that though, I dunno. Maybe it's just me... or maybe it's just the show getting to me but... I kinda can't help but feel, well. A little bit bad for the kid. I mean, she's finally looking as though she might be trying to accept that, overall, she is pretty much terrible at everything. You can literally count all of her accomplishments to date on a single hand, and only one of those I think she is actually able to take credit for, considering that Beryl was, well, Beryl. Wiseman was just kinda lame and the Ali and En thing? They pretty much killed themselves.

So, she's perhaps struggling to find something she can do because... well, she's not very good at anything. Period. Not exactly pretty, despite the blonde hair, not very smart, always terrible in school, and not very creative... I mean, there's not a whole lot going for her. Which is probably the one reason why so many girls look up to her, because despite all of these things, she's still somehow the main character of a show.

That said? Her crying fits are still annoying as hell.

So she goes walking off by herself and comes across those two, uh, girls. One of which is playing the violin while the other tosses a lemon. And just casually talking about strong 'powers' in the city. Gee, I wonder who those new Sailor Scouts were? Definitely not these two.

Do... mysterious... evil... things?

But they keep the exposition train going as Michiru talks about how they just barely remember what their past lives were like. And how it is their goal to gather the three crystals and summon the holy grail and "return it to the rightful owner".

... yeah okay I'm even more confused now than I was two minutes ago. Also I get the distinct impression this Holy Grail doesn't do what you think it does because, uh. Also, who even contracted you guys to find this thing in the first place?

I'm sure nobody will mind that.

I'm sure someone will fit in nicely over at Aperture Labs...

Okay, so your 'mission', which was given to you by some guy you don't know, which requires to you find three crystals to gain some kind of wish-granting Holy Grail, that will result in the deaths of at least three people, so that you can return it to someone you don't know, is the only thing you guys have going for you. And you don't seem to think that this doesn't seem... I dunno, strange? Like, how in the hell do you even know you're supposed to look for these things anyways?! Before it seemed like you were doing it out of your own volition, like Mamoru/Tuxedo Mask did in the start to get back his memories. Now, it suddenly makes even less sense because you're doing a 'job' for someone you've never even met! How do you even know you're supposed to find these things in the first place?

Cue Usagi totally missing that entire conversation and walking up to listen to Michiru play the violin. Oh and now Michiru is her "ideal princess figure", totally ignoring the fact that she was totally attracted to that other girl less than five feet away. But hey, short attention spans and all that.

So they're all "what do you want" and Usagi is all "oh I'm just easily impressed by all kinds of silly things and man you are awesome girl" and Haruka tosses the lemon over to Michiru who... words can't even describe this. I honestly have no idea what the hell is going on.

Perhaps the best description is "defying physics".

Anyways the one that is now lemonless is all "screw this I'm going for a bike ride" and storms off while Michiru continues with the violin. Then she wraps up and grabs the lemon and is all "eh, she's just not sure how to deal with this thing". Insinuating that Usagi knows what is going on. Which she probably doesn't.

And yet I'm sure running around aimlessly will do just that.

Now there's an art museum of some sort and the two girl are all wandering through its halls. Usagi is carrying her violin for some reason, and is all "so are you gonna be a violinist or something?" to which Michiru replies: "I don't know why I was born."

Well normally when a man and a woman love each other very much...

I guess her point is that, she doesn't know what she's supposed to do, so she really has no idea what to do. Wait that... hold on. Did you just say the same thing twice?

Let's try this again. You don't know the purpose for your being born, so you don't know what it is that you're supposed to be doing because...

No, no matter how many times I try to figure this out, it doesn't make any goddamn sense at all. I mean I get it, but it's recursive logic. You'd think someone as smart as her would understand that much!!

No you're more like a lost cause.

At this point some weird nerdy dude shows up and is all "oh hey you are that one chick you are super awesome because you painted this thing right?"

Okay so, not only is she like, in  high school, since she's still wearing a uniform, but she also is a famous artist and musician? Whose works are in a gallery? Why have we never heard of this girl before, I wonder?

What is the picture, you wonder? I'm glad you asked.

An Artist's Interpretation of Star Trek IV: The Journey Home.

He casually mentions that he is totally looking forward to her upcoming exhibition, because he is like her biggest fan. They say all of this but there's something really bothering me about all this: Why do I get the feeling that neither Michiru nor Haruka actually have parents?

Anyways, Usagi realizes that she is nothing like Michiru, and is therefore an even bigger idiot than she previously thought. However, she decides... uh, something. Now they meet that other chick outside who... really has no problem just saying shit in front of other people.

No, go ahead, talk about your top secret stuff in front of
this girl who shouldn't be hearing any of this stuff.

Michiru tells her to be quiet but let's face it. Usagi never had a chance to hear any of it because she clearly doesn't seem to understand how the world works. Or violins, for that matter.

If someone did this to my violin, they wouldn't be walking away.

So naturally, what do they do after watching her make a complete idiot of herself trying to play an instrument she's never even held before? Why, they take her out to eat. And don't mind how many ice creams she decides to eat. Did I mention the shop is called "CoffeeMime"? Because it is.

Anyhow I guess during the cut Usagi explained why she acted like such a fool, and... oh god can we just punch her in the face already?

I can't believe I ever felt BAD for this girl. Ugh. SHUT UP!

Then Michiru is all "you look wonderful when you're trying so don't give up" and all I can think of is DON'T ENCOURAGE HER JESUS. But she's all "this is how girls get better so here have some tickets for that thing I'm doing tonight, and bring someone special". SUDDENLY EVIL EGG THING.

Oh stock footage, how I missed you. Wait, no I didn't. At least it's mercifully short but they still manage to do it, and they're all "go find that heart thing" and it's a commercial break finally.

So now it is evening and the lovely couple is going out for a date.

*groan*

Mamoru is all "this is nice but aren't you trying too hard?" and she goes "screw you Imma princess. In the future. So whatever!" and guess who else is showing up? OH YEAH THOSE OTHER PEOPLE WHO WEREN'T JUST HANDED TICKETS FOR NO REASON. AND THEIR CATS.

I am honestly baffled at how Luna, of all people, wound up coming along with. Artemis, sure, but Luna? I mean, wouldn't she have been left at home? How would she have known to come along on this trip? For that matter, how did the other four girls manage to get together?! This may seem a bit nitpicky but if every episode is going to somehow hamfistedly place the entire team in one location for the express purpose of saying "everyone was there" even if they don't do anything, I am really going to get agitated.

Dude this happened like a few hours ago how can you know that.

Oh, so I guess Luna told Minako, and by extension everybody else, that Usagi and Mamoru were coming here... because... I guess they're not allowed to go on a date or something?

Now I'm even more confused. Rei promises that if Usagi falls asleep she will totally pinch her butt and wake her up and all I can think is "holy crap really people, this is how you treat your friend? Not even a single ounce of respect?"

This episode reinforces that the Sailor Scouts are really pretty terrible people overall.

Seriously though how did they even get tickets?

So inside some dude is preparing for his performance and the Daimon Egg possesses a violin. Such drama! I bet you can already tell how this is going to turn out.

Wait why are you up there aren't you supposed to be
performing?! What the hell Michiru! You can't perform
your violin from the box seats!

When someone says they're looking forward to your exhibition, one would think that you would be participating in it, NOT HOSTING THE DAMN THING. Which is exactly what it looks like here! They're sitting in a private box seat, spying on the crowd, and talking to one another about just how damn hot Mamoru looks. But eventually they sit down and the guy gets on stage to perform.

In all of the lovely five frames per second.

Don't worry though, they're going to distract you by showing that Usagi is too busy drooling over Mamoru to care about the performance, until Rei slaps her in the back of the head and oh for the love of christ.

SERIOUSLY HOW DID THEY GET TICKETS AGAIN?!

Eventually they shut up when they get shushed by the crowd but then the violin goes crazy, hurting everyone's ears, and transforms into the most unholy abomination imaginable.

So now we have a stripping violin. Yep.

Her name? Octave.

.... her thing is that she plays herself. And screams Octave.

... yeah.

WHY DOES EVERYTHING IN THIS SHOW STRIP OH GOD.

So she knocks out the audience and takes the crystal from the performer but Mamoru is all "go outside and uh, transform or something" while staying behind, and then they hear the monster come after them so it's time to do that transformy thing.

... if everyone were knocked out why would they run outside? For that matter, why would the monster even bother following them? I mean, it got what it wanted right? And why didn't Mamoru go with them? WHY DOES THIS SHOW RAISE SO MANY QUESTIONS FOR THINGS THAT SHOULDN'T EVEN EXIST?!

Also they're using a new transformation song. One without any actual lyrics, which is a nice touch. I approve. BUT OH GOD.

Now this unholy Eldritch abomination approaches, only to be stopped by the people it was running directly towards who tell it to stop and... uh, it obliges for some reason. Okay. I guess, being a performance piece, she can appreciate what a good introduction means to some people, and politely decides to let them say their piece.

Pretty sure your friends did that first but okay.

Now it is time for them all to fall to the ground because their enemy is too busy screaming as she plays herself. Oh, and also she can shoot lasers from her mouth. Just because.

Yeah let's see a rose stop this-

.... are you f***ing kidding me with this right now.

Tuxedo Mask is now suddenly here to save the day because that's what always happens. Now it's time for Jupiter to do a thing, which fails but blows stuff up. Time for Mercury to tell her to be careful! And the girls to stand there while it just screams at them some more. Oh but that Deep Submerge thing, and those other two scouts! They introduce themselves again as Uranus and Neptune, and... wait what did she say?!

... I think I need an adult.

They're nice enough to tell them that they're just here for the talismans though, so don't get too comfy I guess. Since, well, after they figure out if this is one of those things they need they'll be bouncing right on out of here.

Blah blah looks like they're not really allies who'd have thought. But Octave tries to attack Neptune and Sailor Moon saves her which makes Uranus super mad, so she slaps that stripper violin with a World Shaking and now Sailor Moon gets to spend the next thirty seconds ending this thing.

Not even joking this attack takes freaking forever.

After being lovely'd to death, it returns to being a normal violin, the Egg is destroyed, and they discover this isn't a talisman. So the other girls ask what the heck this whole talisman thing is about, and we find that Uranus is just an asshole.

Yeah sure they'll get right on that.

But just as she's about to throw the thing away Neptune is all "hey, the heart of an artist is really delicate so if you throw that shit I am totally not cooking dinner tonight". Then they leap away and everyone is like "huh, I wonder who those two were" and begin walking home in their normal clothes.

Mamoru is all "well tonight sucked but uh, wanna have dinner at my place?" and Usagi is all "hell yes!" and the cats are like "what about the wife training thing" and let's face it, we know where this is going and everybody laughs the end.

Of course Rei being the sneaky little brat she is goes "oh so you're gonna treat us too right?" and then Mamoru had the worst kind of night a single guy can have with five girls and two cats. Which is to say a night that probably ended in the worst case of blue balls imaginable.

Oh yeah you've got THAT right....

Oh and who is watching from the bridge above? THOSE OTHER TWO GIRLS WHO CLEARLY DON'T KNOW WHO THEY REALLY ARE. END OF EPISODE.

... the first three episodes? Not bad. This one? Slides right back into the place where the show normally resides. Which is hell.

A STRIPPING VIOLIN.

I AM SO DONE WITH THIS SHIT RIGHT NOW.