Sailor Moon S Episode 01 - Premonition of World's End? Mysterious New Warriors!

Hello there Internet. Welcome back.

For some reason, I decided to kick off Sailor Moon S immediately. Why wait? I'm going to have to spend a good long time to sit down with the first Sailor Moon movie (which, admittedly, I saw a really long time ago, but it's been so long that it'll be like the first time all over again, so we can ignore that for now). I've also been thinking about what else I should be watching around these parts.

While I have another show in mind, it is really short, and I'm not sure I want to sit through any more of Qwasar... at least, not yet. Still though, this leaves me with quite the dilemma. I'm going to need something else to watch.

Which leads me to wonder if I am, in all seriousness, considering picking up the second season of Free!

... what have I become?

So after the abysmal conclusion of last season with the absolute worst filler episode I have EVER SEEN, the bar for this season is set pretty goddamn low. And thanks to the episode preview before you see the episode you will not be surprised about what happens in it, my expectations are, for once, pretty much already met.

Oh god, this is seriously the highlight? Kill me now.

So entrance exams, and evil people doing evil things but who cares about them because ENTRANCE EXAMS. But hey... we got a whole new opening.

A WHOLE NEW OPENING.

In fact, this is actually a really badass opening which, while it still uses the traditional theme, they've decided it needed a little bit of love, and spruced it up with a new recording. Also a slightly more epic introduction.

Okay show. I'm interested. This animation is so far way better than the previous intros, so you've got me hooked.

Have to admit, this is pretty bad ass.

But enough of my attempts to break my poor blog with gigantic animated GIFs. The opening gives us a chance to see some characters that are new, and some characters that aren't so new, and a character that gets a makeover. It also lets us see all the girls in action, which... I gotta say, looks pretty goddamn great. Overall? This opening kicks ass and takes names. So can the episode itself keep up this great pace?

Well. They show that super dramatic red scene from the last episode and let you listen to someone gasp for breath or something. Not the best, but then we see Rei is all freaking out over some 'silence' that is coming. And how she'll never be able to win. Then there's a thing about a "messiah", and three bright shining stars appear in the sky, but quickly vanish as the entire city is engulfed in this evil black 'silence'.

Personally I'm surprised that a lack of sound is even visible but... eh. It seems intruiging at least, and they're actually showcasing Rei's predilection for precognition. Which is nice. It's like they've remembered that the characters have character. So all the girls turn to statues and get smashed to bits in front of Rei's eyes and OH GOOD GOD WHAT IS THIS A NEW TITLE SLIDE TOO?! WITH AN ACTUAL ANIMATION!?

I didn't think it was possible but this title slide is actually
more annoying than the last one, holy crap look at that.

Anyway, they immediately drop us into the episode where Rei wakes up in a cold sweat, and it is quickly revealed what the annoying noise was.

So Usagi's snoring sounds like a gasp for breath.
... seems legit.

It's study time at Rei's place, and the other girls were all content to just let the two of them sleep because they're dicks. But they want to know all about the nightmare their good buddy Rei seemed to be having. Thanks for waking her up from that by the way guys OH WAIT YOU DIDN'T.

Rei's response? Oh, it's nothing. I'm sure it won't somehow be indicative of something that will happen in the near future or anything. It's not like she has a tendency to have VISIONS OF THE FUTURE or anything. God damn it Rei.

She then pulls Usagi up into a not-sleeping position, who wakes up suddenly, and Rei goes on to tell them about her strange dream.

... well, at least she's telling them... I guess?

But first, we need to hear about Usagi's dream which involved her being hospitalized due to too much ice cream.

One Mooncake is too many Mooncakes.

She seems to think this is hilarious, but nobody else is able to appreciate her quick-witted humor, clearly. Definitely not the straight-laced perfect student who is now sporting a fashionable choker and showing skin?

Pretty sure she's changed her hair too. Man.

At this point they ask Usagi how she did in the exam and Ami is all "dude we're in the 9th grade, tighten the f**k up already" and Mina comes up with a shitty reference, and Ami freaks out, which... is oddly adorable.

Animation quality seems to be going up a bit... that's good.

I like how suddenly they're remembering things like 'secondary motion'. You know, that thing that happens as the result of a person doing a thing? It's like when you turn your head and your hair swooshes so lovingly around, or when you step on gravel and displace some of the stones beneath your foot. It's a result of an action being taken, and it is super important for creating convincing animations. So yes, I'm very impressed by this... even more impressed that it comes out so well in my low-framerate GIFs.

So while the girls continue to babble, Rei flashes back to that dream again and tries not to freak the f**k out.

Oh, and somewhere else, evil things are happening with test tubes.

Oh look it's Evil Umino already. Time for some plot!

So he's got these weird little purple things inside giant purple vials, and he likes to stare at them and laugh like an evil guy because EVERYTHING IS DARK AND PURPLE AND THAT ALWAYS MEANS EVIL.

We're talking super concentrated Evil, born from Pure Evil,
marinated in Evil and served with three slices of Evil.

He adds this thing to some other concoction which explodes on the Bunsen Burner and turns into what looks like a giant seed, where he calls for his assistant in a gravely voice even Christian Bale's Batman would go "what". Her name is Kaorinite. Which is a Japanese misintepretation of the spelling of the word kaolinite, which is a real thing, and is a silicate clay-like substance. What's interesting to note here is that it isn't really a gem by any means. I mean sure it can be, but not normally, it appears like a regular sort of stone. So that's different.

So Evil Naru shows up to report for duty from the dark and he's all "my Daimohn Egg has been completed". Why is it spelled with an h? Because the people in charge of these subtitles were idiots, since the official spelling is "Daimon". Which... is still technically incorrect since the actual spelling they were probably looking for was Daemon. But it's a close enough approximation to the Greek term for 'demon', so I'll let this slide. Point for the writers goes in the column... what else do we have?

Oh, right. No introduction would be complete without telling you exactly what these evil creatures do.

Those hussies!

Pure Hearts are, apparently, a scientifically verifiable thing. What are they? "The holy grail that allows the holder to do anything they wish in this world!" Uh, okay crazy science guy. Whatever you say.

.... wait what? Did I accidentally put on Fate/Stay Night?

Okay. So I think what he's actually saying is that he needs three specific pure hearts, which are crystals that, when brought together, will do something awesome. Make an actual grail appear? Maybe. But already? We have ourselves a somewhat more coherent plot than anything we've had in the last forty some episodes, so again, this is an improvement.

We have a clearly defined goal, and a flying seed and an Evil Naru that vanishes into the night. What could possibly make this show any more dramatic than that?

I took this shot, and realized the real gold wasn't the
teacher's request - it was the test itself.

I want you to take a look at that image up there for just a second. Actually read the question. I'd have missed it if I didn't take this for totally unrelated reasons. I don't know how Japanese tests go, but... holy shit. Let's go over this, and why it is so very, very f***ed up.

Nanpa, or nampa, is a style of flirting in Japan. Popular among the younger generations, it seems more based on fun than, y'know, getting involved in anything important. In short, it's all about hooking up.

Now, I know that expecting perfect English out of a Japanese person is expecting a lot. There are so many things wrong with the sentence structure and grammar, it's got enough engrish to make me laugh because it's so bad. But the really bizarre part? This is the kind of test they hand out to their middle-schoolers, holy f**k. They are saying it's cool for guys to go out looking for tail. LITERALLY.

I don't know how to feel about this. I mean, they make it pretty subtle, a thing you probably wouldn't notice unless you were actually pausing to read it. But still... holy shit.

You and me both.

So our main heroine heads back home, hanging her head in shame over just how abysmally horrific her scores were. Which is somehow worse than the end of their last series... and that says a lot. Who does she run into? Rei, of course, who is clearly going to make fun of her over her terrible score. Why, here comes Rei now, right when Usagi is even admitting that this is the sort of instant where Rei would show up to bump into her and laugh at her complete ineptitude.

Cue the forehead crash.

This leads to them going to a nearby park to do weird Japanese things.

Why? Why would you do this? Wet a handkerchief or something.

Of course, this leads Rei to actually say something nice to her, in an attempt to comfort her friend, as opposed to... well, being a complete and utter bag of dicks like she usually does.

Guess the world is ending after all. Rei is being nice.

Even the normally dense Usagi is able to pick up on this sudden shift in character, which prompts Rei to have yet another flashback of the future visions, and she's all "oh, is that so?" She plays it off by asking what Usagi thinks of doing in the future, while continuing to walk off and be... well, weird. So for the first time, they sit and have a somewhat serious conversation for a change. About dreams for the future and all that.

Usagi has no clue, but Rei? She wants to be a singer-songwriter, a model, and a voice actress. Basically she wants to be an Idol. Well, that's cool, and it's a thing that is oddly consistent with the things we actually know about the character. But what's even weirder is... shouldn't Usagi already know this? I mean, this is stuff that was covered a long time ago, so isn't this just really re-affirming what we ought to already know about the character?

Oh, and she also wants to be "a loving wife to someone I love", before going on to say that she can't say it. Even though she just did. Well... at least it was something embarrassing to help force the mood to lighten, and even Usagi picks up on her having just said the thing she wasn't going to say. This leads her into asking if she's actually going to marry that guy whose relationship with her is questionable at best.

Okay, we are suffering from an insane amount of blush here.

Interestingly enough, she manages to turn this into a positive thing, by saying that Usagi's terrible scores, while not bad on their own, don't bode well for her future, so if she really cares about Mamoru, maybe she ought to at least try just a little bit harder. Wow, how strangely mature and perceptive of you, Rei. I hope this isn't one of those character traits that will vanish by the next episode.

So she leaves and tells Usagi to cheer up already since it's pretty much the only thing she has going for her, the being stupidly cheery all the time, and walks off so we can see a giant seed flying through the sky. Until it decides to land at the Hino shrine, where it becomes a hideous blob thing again, and enters a tree which it possesses. Kaorinite stands in the air watching, and Rei gets the red vision as soon as she crosses the gate to her home. Oh the noes, whatever will be the haps?

Guess you'll find out later because you get to watch Usagi lament her grades while Mamoru comes sneaking up behind her from around the corner.

I think she says these things in the hopes of summoning
the people she is referring to.

And having seen it, he's all "uh, dude, seriously? That's like... wow" and she's all "oh well uh, gonna go do a study thing at Rei's because that's a thing we're doing today and uh, yeah, how about that weather?" To which he's all "yeah, study, you go do that."

But the moment she tries to pin the grades on all the fighting they've been doing, he immediately plays the "guess we can't date for a bit" card, just to help ratchet up the tension and raise the stakes, and walks off, leaving her in tears.

Back at the shrine, Rei is doing a fortune telling in front of the bonfire thing. While we get to see more of that dream again. Now she does the fortune thing and sees something in the fire, and sees the tree but can't really find anything useful. So she walks out for some air and totally ignores the woman flying around, and does one of those stick number fortunes for herself.

Reading it to herself, she doesn't give any indication for what it says, and ties it to the tree, which is a thing I should probably explain but won't because I'm lazy and you can probably use Google to learn about that stuff. (It's pretty cool though.) At which point the tree explodes and comes to life! Becoming a pretty wicked loo- oh wait nevermind it's taken a human form after all.

Sigh. You had so much potential for being an awesome
monster, and then you squandered it...

Just for comparison's sake....

When your transformation is cooler than your final form...

You might be doing something wrong.

Trust me, it was a really AWESOME transformation sequence. But it is unfortunate that this is what they settled for. Because it is really fluid animation for once, lasting long enough that you can see it happen, but being quick enough to look kinda bitchin'. Rei doesn't want to fight at the shrine though, and involve innocent people, so she goes running off and Mikuji follows with the power of super-speed flight. Commercial break!

Interesting thing to note: they actually say "Sailor Moon Super", meaning that the S stands for... well, Super. Which is not to be confused with SuperS... which is probably Super Stars, considering the next series is called Sailor Stars.... okay let's try not to get too confused with the names here? Because Rei is about to be attacked by a stripper.

Wow like, we seriously just met...

Kaorinite shows up and is all "yo, she's got a pure heart or something so do a thing" and Mikuji responds by exposing her chest and doing a dark swirly energy thing from her star tattoo. Which strikes Rei while it determines if she's got the heart they're looking for. Meanwhile, Usagi is still walking to the shrine, while the animators decide that it would be too much to include a turning around animation while Usagi decides to not go to the shrine to study after all.

Not even a sound effect....

It's so immediate that it actually ceases to be funny. The best part about this stuff is seeing, even if for a couple of frames, a visual indication of the character turning around and changing their mind! Instead they relegate the comedy of this situation on Luna, whose reaction, while funny, simply isn't enough to make me laugh out loud, as it was intended.

Anyways, Luna decides that it's time to take an old school approach to ensuring that Usagi studies like she promised everybody.

I missed this Luna. Won't lie. She got shit DONE.

So finally she arrives at the shrine to hear Rei crying out in the woods, and comes across her being molested by a tree lady. So she ought to do a transformy thing and, y'know, help her out. Same stock footage from last series, but honestly? Not gonna complain about that, because if one thing is consistent, it's the transformation sequences. She'll probably get her upgrade sometime later, say, after she gets her ass kicked?

Introductions are made, tree ladies are interrupted, and Rei's are released.

Mikuji's thing? It's about telling people their fortunes. Which makes sense, since she is born from a fortune tree. Though her fortune teller is broke since everybody always gets the "very bad" fortune, and attacks with her giant hair braid, which is actually kinda neat.

Of course, everybody else suddenly shows up too, so now it's a regular party all up in here. Also, it is revealed that the enemy is targeting people because of their pure hearts yadda yadda oh no whatever will they do.

They decide to transform but, of course, the monster is too fast for them, attacking them with fortune sticks that manage to immobilize them, and Sailor Moon wonders what she should do. Rose attack time!

Oh hey, what do you know, it's also not very effective.

Tuxedo Mask shows up with his usual poetry and tells Sailor Moon to Do A Thing. So she Does A Thing. Scepter comes out and the music plays and she spins and twirls and is all "magic sparkly shit!" and Mikuji is all "nope not having this shit" and manages to disarm Sailor Moon, much to everyone's surprise.

Also, tree lady is very, very mad now.

Okay, that is a lot of anger.

Why, she's so mad she BITES Sailor Moon's broach, which causes the (Legendary) Silver Crystal to flicker and sound like it is powering down and generally make it seem like THIS IS SUPER BAD NEWS DUDES. Why, it's even enough to completely remove her transformation, and take the broach off! And now she's trapped to a tree. What do commander? Even Tuxedo Mask gets trapped by one of her fortune telling sticks. There's nothing left!

Everything else has failed, so the cats jump in... just because.

The cats get thrown off finally, and she's all "okay time to get the pure heart now" and Rei is all "oh god she's stripping for me again" and cries out in agony as her pure heart is manifested into a physical form.

Who'd have thought such a bitch like you would have
such a nice looking heart allegory. Seriously.

Usagi calls out for Rei to get her act together and do something, but having literally had her heart ripped out it's kinda hard. She rehashes some of the dialogue they had earlier, and Mikuji laughs, saying there must be a talisman inside a pure heart such as this.

Guess it's time for a giant energy blast from behind to ruin her day.

I find this very amusing.

Then a second energy blast comes out of a freaking tsunami and vaporises the hell out of the Daimon, and frees everyone from their bonds, sending Rei falling to the ground. Oh but someone's kept that heart you see, some mysterious figures.

GEE WONDER WHO THESE ASSHOLES ARE.

They throw the heart back to Rei though, since it's not what they were looking for, and everyone looks on as it is slowly reabsorbed into their pal, who finally comes around. Crying happens from Usagi, the cats are happy that this has happened, and they see the two mystery girls leap off into the background, while they fill up the last minute by pretty much just standing there doing... nothing. Just static images.

Oh but now we get to see that one dude's face up close.

Thanks for the sweet recap brah!

Evil Naru is all "yeah, not only was it not the thing we wanted, but some other folks showed up and ruined shit, so thought you oughta know." Then Rei recaps everything she heard, and the girls are all "oh noes a new battle?" and they end the episode.

Which brings us to... the super lazy credits they didn't bother to change. At all.

... were you seriously just not even trying at this point?

They even use the exact same ending song as well, to top off the lazy pie. They really just didn't give a shit about the end though, which makes me wonder if this is a trend that will continue. It's the first episode of the new series, so of course it's going to look better than everything else, but even at the end they started getting lazy and it shows.

Still... it's a hell of a lot more promising than the last series. So it's got that much going for it.

We'll see where this takes us...