Kodomo no Jikan 02 - A Smile As Reward

So, according to some people, I have clearly not punished myself quite nearly enough this week. You know what that means? It's time for another episode of pedo-rape. Because let's just be honest with ourselves here, the kids are the ones in control here, not the adult. Which is pretty messed up in and of itself, I assure you.

YOU ARE THE CRUEL THINGS.

So homeroom today opens up with a writing exercise about dreams. Not even five seconds in and I am going to call it: This is going to be some messed up shit right here. There is no way this is not going to get completely balls-deep mind-rapingly bad. Just no way at all.

So immediately everyone in class starts talking. Seems like dreams DO NOT EXIST BECAUSE THE FUTURE IS BLEAK AND THEY ARE ALL LIABLE TO BE HORRIBLE FAILURES IN THE FUTURE. In short: This project is totally balls, so says the class.

Except for Rin.

I freaking called that.

So she's heard that there are guys who like kids, and for some reason this totally makes it okay that she wants to shack up with her teacher? Who *writes* this crap?! And she gets all pissy because he's seen her naked, and Kuro is all aggravated because her dream is to stay close to Rin forever.

So, let me just get this straight. These kids are all completely messed up in the head, because one wants to jump her teacher's balls, and the other is quite clearly a lesbian. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE, THEY CANNOT EVEN BE TOTALLY THROUGH PUBERTY YET, WHY ARE THEY ACTING AS THOUGH THEY ARE CLEARLY FIVE YEARS OLDER THAN THEY ACTUALLY ARE.

So, girl talk on the roof, talking about how if Rin keeps messing with Daisuke, he's going to get back at her, at which point she point-blank says that she is in love with him. After which Kuro point-blank confesses that she is in love with Rin. Sweet Jesus Christ on sunday cracker, we haven't even hit four minutes into the episode and already we're getting more drama bombs than an episode of Jersey freakin' Shore (and for the record no I have never watched that and no I will never watch it and yes I will probably attempt to disembowel myself if I ever try to watch it and no you will not see me blog about it as it will be messy and we're getting away from anime so shut up already).

... anyway, Rin totally shoots her down saying it's different than love between 'friends'. Drama bombs away boys. So Rin is a crazy tsundere (which, for those of you who don't understand anime means 'mean bitch who acts mean but really doesn't mean it because she just doesn't want to admit that she's actually kind of okay with the guy'), and keeps messing with Daisuke.

She's tickling him. Really. They promise.

In fact, she's such a crazy tsun that she is following him into the men's bathroom at school. That is the very embodiment of completely messed up.

I take that back. THIS is the embodiment of completely messed up:

Not even the decency for middle school?!

So he's out drinking with his buddies, who are complaining about their bosses being pricks, etc etc. But Daisuke? He freakin' flips a nut or something, and starts going off about the rough schedule he has to go through, and how horrible his life is, without actually going on about what really makes his life horrible. Because let's just face it here folks, if any one of these guys were Daisuke for a day, they would become a hollow shell of a man, curl into a ball, and die sucking their thumb. Which is kind of how I feel for watching this show so far.

"So there's at least some cute teachers right?"

IMMEDIATELY HE STARTS PICTURING RIN, AND EVEN ADMITS THAT SHE IS SOMEWHAT EROTIC IN ADDITION TO BEING A TROUBLEMAKER.

It is for this reason alone that I say these other guys would become a hollow shell of a man, because I am 100% certain they would at least be able to go "oh god what am I thinking this is horrible and not okay and I should just kill myself now" while vomiting because they've just attempted to imbibe Clorox or something in an attempt to escape their terrible reality.

But of course, they seem to think that he's talking about a teacher.

YOU ARE THE WORST FRIEND EVER ARRRRGH!

I just want to sit in a corner and cry now. Because this show. This. Effing. Show. I just. Oh god. Not even halfway in and I am running out of words I can coherently use to communicate.

Aparrently this dude lost his virginity in the 6th grade. WHAT. WHY IS THIS RELEVANT INFORMATION I WAS UNAWARE WE WERE ACTUALLY WATCHING A HENTAI. If you don't understand what a hentai is, despite my numerous mentions of it, let me just save you the trouble of googling it: IT IS PORN. IT IS ANIME PORN. MOST OF IT IS PRETTY BAD, AND IT IS NOTORIOUS FOR LITTLE GIRL RAPE. THERE, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. Anyways, it's like this is going straight into the gutter route again, because the guys who made this show clearly wanted to be making something else, then realized it would never get televised.

They wanted to be Gainax, who can get away with some pretty raunchy shit, but I am pretty sure Panty & Stocking was never quite this bad (and trust me, it got pretty nasty at some points).

Well, this whole thing prompted me to do some research. You want to know what it the worst part about all of this? THIS ENTIRE STORY WAS WRITTEN BY A WOMAN. Yes, a woman. Not a man, A WOMAN. I'm not trying to be sexist or anything here, but when you think about stories that involve little girls coming onto their teachers, you generally think that it is being written by a guy. NOPE, NOT THIS TIME.

Also, it seemed that someone wanted to actually release this shit in the US, and insisted on the title Nymphet. I am not even making this shit up. Then, right before it was to be released, there was a controversy and everyone cancelled their orders because they realized graphic novels involving little girls rubbing their crotches against grown men in order to maybe give them an erection is a bad thing.

Yes. If you don't believe me, just Google it because reading any more will actually cause me to become physically freaking ill, and I have to work in the morning. So redact my statement about them trying to be Gainax, the writer is just freaking sick in the head.

I'm sure she's a nice woman. But christ, this is just completely messed up.

Anyways, back to the show... he gets home and he's all 'welp better check the homeworks.' Boring essay, boring essay, THINKING OF RIN WEARING ONLY AN APRON AS SHE WRITES THAT SHE WANTS TO MAKE GREAT FOOD AND WASH HER TEACHER.

Dear god, I don't know how much more of this I can take. I really don't. Why am I still watching this again?

At least he has the decency to feel horrible about it. Then he reads Kuro's essay, which is... to torture him in horrifying ways because he is totally digging on her chick. Okay so that's not what it really says but it is damn close enough for me.

Mimi, on the other hand, wants to be a vet. Which gives him the motivation to continue living his pathetic life.

Next day, he spills coffee on himself, and runs away before red-haired big-boobs can help him clean it off.

Dude, she just wanted to touch you all over your chest and your reaction is to run away. What is wrong with you?!

Other teacher says "Don't try to interfere, he needs to deal with stuff firsthand or he'll never learn."

DUDE. Do you even know what he is going through? And if you do, you are even sicker than everyone else involved in this thing. Seriously.

Or rather, he can feel their pain. So what, everyone in this school is a freakin' pedophile?! Oh dear god what am I watching.

Anyhow, Rin's grades are starting to plummet, and it seems like this is a trend across his entire class. So now bitch teacher is all getting on his case about it.

And then this show does something that... oh god. I can't link a picture to this. But it pretty much straight up wants to be downright pornographic. Except that, oh silly us, it's just Rin innocently drinking some water what were you thinking you twisted sicko you.

STOP IT SHOW, STOP IT. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP IT AUUUUUUGH. So, it is revealed that Rin has probably failed on purpose just so she can get after-class tutoring from him, which sends Kuro all into a fit, then Rin hugs her, kisses her, and tells her it'll be okay. Which causes Kuro to go running off with Mimi all angry. She then proceeds to go off about how it'd be awesome if Rin was a boy so on and so forth.

YOU. ARE IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. Am I the only one who wasn't thinking about these kinds of things at all growing up? What, are identity crises such a fad in Japan that they occur by the time you are twelve years old?! What the hell.

Well, off to the tutoring session, and Rin is all "Yo, if I totally ace this next test, can I get a reward?" And Daisuke's all like "Yeah sure."

Then she asks him to have sex if she aces the test.

I am going to find my friend. I am liable to beat him in the face because he asked me to watch this. All because of that one line.

So after a good solid ten minutes or so of having this on pause, I dare to venture further. He wants to believe she doesn't know what she is saying, and she's all "bitch please, I know what I am on about."

Then he remembers what his drinking buddy told him...

And slaps her with a notebook.

Well, okay. Suddenly, I am feeling a little bit better, but I know there's no chance in hell that's going to last long, because this show is liable to drag me screaming back into the depths of hell itself.

So he walks out, but she's all still wanting a reward, and he'll 'think about it'. Meanwhile, he's still struggling to make his class fun, but it's hard when everyone is texting and talking and playing video games. But Rin manages to actually come to his rescue in a weird sort of way, saying that his class is boring. But then everyone's all 'aww but he's trying so hard blah blah' and then they're all paying attention finally. So he redoubles his efforts, and wow, it looks like he is actually making some progress and crap.

Red-haired big-boobs is all pleased that he is getting along finally, it seems, and things are looking sort of up I guess.

Well, after class one day, Kuro is all handing in her assignment, and gets all huffy with him because he doesn't understand how Rin is actually helping him with his class by getting the students to feel bad for him, and she feels like he doesn't appreciate Rin, and is all being a jealous twit. He gets back from lunch, and the class is all rowdy as hell, won't listen to a thing, until Rin slams her fist on the desk, silencing the room. Who's the real teacher here, again?

Y'know, if he wasn't so busy reading out of a textbook, his classes might actually be a little more enjoyable. Well, some other day rolls around and he's reading out test scores, and lo and behold, Rin gets 100% on her test. And for some reason everyone seems to be dressing up. Or at least some people. But Mimi also gets 100% and is all upset because nobody mentions her.

Well, word is getting around that he is doing well for his class, and redhair wants to go out for a drink or something. But once again, she gets shot down so he can chase after a little girl again.

Now Rin is being a little twat again, and I swear to god if I were Daisuke I would quit my friggin' job right there and join a damned cloister of monks. He's all trying to get her to come home but she's being all pouty and he's like "Look man, I'm not gonna do that thing you asked but we can do something else," and she's all "What thing I have no idea" and ARGH. Then she just straight up asks for a hug.

Okay. That seems innocent enough. But we all know this girl is far from anything but innocent. She's going to go for a crotch-grab or something, I can just feel it.

She wants him to hug her until she gets home. YEP, TOTALLY CREEPTASTIC. WAY TO LOOK LIKE A PEDOPHILE CARRYING YOUR STUDENT HOME IN YOUR ARMS. Along the way, he thanks her for helping with the class, and suddenly their faces are way too close for comfort.

She thinks that he hates her, and he's all "no I don't". Then proceeds to go with "Even if I do X?" And eventually goes from getting bad grades to 'eating his thing'. OH GOD, SERIOUSLY? But the worst one is "driving my old teacher to hell". It's like she is TRYING to scare the living shit out of the guy (and honestly, she should be, because this chick is downright insane).

But he just says, yeah, that was bad, but you're a good girl. She right out asks "do you like me"? But he's all 'man, no way I can say this that won't sound weird but I'll say it anyways I guess even though I totally don't mean it like this but really I probably do because I'm a freaking sick man' and admits to liking her. Moron didn't even realize that Rin had him walking circles around the school the entire time they were walking.

Well, now we have the obligatory kiddie shower scene happens, and Rin says that her teacher freaking confessed to her.

Oh, and now red-haired big-tits is drinking in the bar, wondering why her breasts aren't good enough for Daisuke.

YEP. DONE. END OF EPISODE. DON'T EXPECT ANY MORE FROM ME FOR LIKE A GOOD SOLID WEEK BECAUSE THIS SHIT IS HORRIFYINGLY PAINFUL AND TAKES TWICE AS LONG AS SAILOR MOON TO WRITE BECAUSE THAT IS HOW AGONIZING IT IS.