The answer is to keep going on with Sailor Moon. Because at least it is less brain-scarring than that last show. With that in mind, let's move onto the next episode.
So according to the previews, they are going to be "using music for evil". Great. I am already wanting to beat myself. But y'know, there could always be something good to come out of all of this, right?
 |
| At first I thought it said "Usagi is a stupid". Damn. |
So looks like we start today's episode in the realm of darkness, or Beryl's bedroom. Which has undergone a drastic makeover. Now it kinda looks like she resides in the hollowed socket of a skull made from wierd rocky vine things. Oh, and half of her house is on fire.
 |
| No, seriously. Fire. |
Anyhow, the cassette is all playing in her crystal ball (wonder if it's also got an 8-track player in there?), and some flowers wilt. She gasps! The music steals energy! Welp, mystery solved here folks, guess we can rest easy knowing that relaxing classical music will destroy our very souls. Wait, that's not a good thing, is it? And why doesn't it affect them? Stupid evil energy crap.
According to Jadeite, it has some subliminal messaging that causes energy to become absorbed. How evil! Naturally, she sends him back to Tokyo to go wreak havoc with a bat lady named Kurene. There's one thing you can count on with the forces of evil: They're almost guaranteed to be filled to the brim with smoking hotties. Gee, I sure hope this Kurene chick doesn't turn into some devil-looking she-hulk like what appeared in the episode preview! (Spoiler alert: This is totally going to be the case.)
Well, back in ditzville, the rabbit and her friend are listening to some relaxing music on a CD. Oh damn, there goes Beryl's whole plan, we have advanced past the need for cassette tapes.
Except that I guess magic is bullshit, and Kurene is all "ha ha ha I am going to shove this casette somewhere into this studio equipment, and any music it produces will magically become infected like a virus."
Somehow, I get the feeling they have no idea how these things actually work. But whatever, magical bullshit can make anything happen it seems, so who cares if they don't actually know how this stuff works? Here's an idea for the writers: If you're going to try and come up with some sort of logical explanation for how things work, why don't you go all the way instead of just crying "a wizard did it" when someone asks you how exactly these plans are supposed to work? Because let's face it, this story is pretty weak so far.
Casette tape infecting studio equipment with a subliminal high-frequency wave. I mean really. It'd be easier to just, I don't know, cast a friggin' spell or something. You people are magic, aren't you? Isn't that how this works?
Alternatively, this means that they are even more incompetant than previously imagined, because they can't even come up with anything on their own, they have to find crap that's just lying around and somehow make use of it. Which begs the question, who the hell makes a cassette tape like this? And why aren't you tying them up and beating the secret of making more of it out of them? I think that would be a much more effective use of your time than pinning all of your hopes on a single macguffin that is more than likely going to be destroyed by some blonde-haired bimbo.
I mean, let's face it folks: If the last several plans of yours have been foiled by the same person, it's a safe assumption to make you should just plan on them showing up at some point. Because most likely, they are going to. ARGH.
Anyhow, some chick drops in on Kurene while she's trying to infect the studio, and the chick steals the tape! Wow, we really dodged the bullet there didn't we? Guess there's no need for Sailor Moon, the forces of evil have been hilariously trumped by a normal working woman.
Anyhow, she meets up with some dude who was standing int he rain just moments before going "I'm totally going to confess", and goes to give him the 'demo tape' that she forgot. But instead of asking her out, she runs off with some other dude for work.
So Usagi has to go home in the rain now, and instead of going home, she decides the wiser course of action is to play video games at the arcade, despite the fact that she is a young girl walking home alone in the dark and rainy night. I guess that fate has a funny way of making you pay for stupid decisions, because the music composer from the previous scene barrels right into her, bowling our heroine over and onto the wet sidewalk.
She gets all angry and indignant because her new outfit is wet, but actually takes pause when he starts screaming for her not to kill him. Amazing, she actually seemed to recognize something is wrong, and is attempting to take action! Or she's walking with a totally deranged lunatic, by herself, in the middle of the night.
... when you look at it from that point of view, this girl is pretty stupid.
Along the way he tells her that some monster is trying to kill him for reasons unknown, and she and Luna kinda look at each other and go 'monster huh? gee whiz, that is a pretty hard story to believe, nudge nudge wink wink.' Then we get the flashback, where batty girl is standing in an alley way looking all smoking hot with her red hair, then gets surrounded by bats and becomes a giant bat monster herself.
Then he tries to pass it off as just his imagination.
Yeah, because we are totally going to buy that. He tries to do the 'nice guy' thing by offering money for dry-cleaning, but says he is flat broke, we just met, and this sounds crazy, here's my number, call me maybe?
No, literally, he gives her his number and asks her to call him later. Am I the only one who thinks this is just a little bit odd? I understand the framing device - she's about to understand "oh hey this is the guy who makes the music my friend really likes". But still.
Then he runs off in the rain, and she makes the connection, running off to chase after him saying something about getting a chance to understand the adult world.
What?
Even Luna is a little bit concerned here.
 |
| If you really have to ask that question, the answer is no. |
So, Kurene is kneeling in a junkyard, talking to a pile of abandoned TVs plastered with Jadeite's face. Seriously, how the heck does this magic thing work anyway? I thought you guys just used telepathy, now you're projecting yourself onto displays in the real world? What's next, are you going to create little cell phones so you can call each other up at three in the morning for a status update?
Well, he's understandably annoyed that his minion is so incompetent she can't even manage to overcome a measly regular human being, and to get that stupid tape back or else it's coming out of her hide or something. Or, y'know, he'll just kill her, because that's how he rolls.
Usagi shows up at the club (called 30 Thirties, what a name), and Luna is all "yo, they are totally not going to let kids into this place, are you nuts?"
Remember back in episode three when I declared that there was no way she would ever abuse this power?
 |
| Told you so. |
Oh, but now she's certain they won't let cats in. So she wears her pet as an accessory. Aparrently, they don't serve cream soda here, so Usagi decides she isn't going to be ordering anything, totally crushing the waiter's hopes of making his rent that evening. After watching him play for a little while, eventually she realizes the music has stopped and the musician has vanished! Well, way to go girl, you are completely on the ball today, sneaking into nightclubs you are way too young to be in and then totally flubbing your intended goal. You're so special, you get a gold star.
Meanwhile, our musician is getting a ride from a friend or something, who's all "yo, gonna give you a ride, car's already running, meet me over in the parking lot." Wait, didn't you just meet him *in* the garage? And why would you just leave your car running like that, unless you were planning a quick getaway? Something just doesn't seem right about all of this. But he's all too depressed because the girl he's crushing on doesn't realize that he's writing music for her, despite attempting to title it for her.
But suddenly, the scene takes on a cue from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas: There's a running car, and bats are flocking around the lamps. All we need is someone with big sunglasses to show up.
Then he screams and Usagi has to hurry down the stairs. While she does that, Kurene is all retrieving the tape, threatening to kill him slowly. But then the heroine shows up, and she does the magical five-billion foot jump away, sprouts wings and flies off.
Meanwhile, our musician is getting a ride from a friend or something, who's all "yo, gonna give you a ride, car's already running, meet me over in the parking lot." Wait, didn't you just meet him *in* the garage? And why would you just leave your car running like that, unless you were planning a quick getaway? Something just doesn't seem right about all of this. But he's all too depressed because the girl he's crushing on doesn't realize that he's writing music for her, despite attempting to title it for her.
But suddenly, the scene takes on a cue from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas: There's a running car, and bats are flocking around the lamps. All we need is someone with big sunglasses to show up.
 |
| We can't stop now, we're in bat country. |
Hang on, if you're an all-powerful badass, why are you running away just because a witness showed up? Wouldn't it be easier to kill them off too, or can you somehow magically recognize a Sailor Scout when they aren't in their uniform, despite everyone else you working for being completely incapable of the same thing?
Well, music-boy lives to see another day, but he wants his tape back! Which isn't really his tape to begin with, and is actually some sort of evil, soul-destroying thing, but nobody knows this. Except Usagi who I guess is suddenly omniscient all of a sudden and knows they are planning something evil with the tape?
I dunno man, that's a pretty long stretch there.
Next thing we know, there's a car flying over the hill out of the parking lot, and our heroine is screaming. For a second there, I thought she was driving the car. Then I remembered that everywhere not in the US is backwards, and everyone drives on the other side of the road.
Remember earlier when I said something seemed completely strange about this whole thing? Let me just put this all into context: Our heroine, a 14-year-old blonde-haired girl, in Japan, just got into a car with a strange man she just met tonight, who already solicited her by giving her his phone number just mere moments after telling her a crazy story about a monster.
And you get into a car with this guy?!
He's all flipping out about not letting anyone have the tape, not even a monster. But our perceptive heroine is all "oh, because it's for Ms Akiko Hotpants, armite?" And he's all "holy crap how did you know this".
I just. I don't even. Is she trying to throw herself at him or something? I... I don't... my brain hurts right now.
Remember earlier when I said something seemed completely strange about this whole thing? Let me just put this all into context: Our heroine, a 14-year-old blonde-haired girl, in Japan, just got into a car with a strange man she just met tonight, who already solicited her by giving her his phone number just mere moments after telling her a crazy story about a monster.
And you get into a car with this guy?!
He's all flipping out about not letting anyone have the tape, not even a monster. But our perceptive heroine is all "oh, because it's for Ms Akiko Hotpants, armite?" And he's all "holy crap how did you know this".
 |
| No. No. Just no. Just stop. Please. |
There's a brief talk about it being okay to be in love, so on and so forth. What the... is everyone in this show insane? He looks completely drunk when he's thinking about her.
By her, I mean Akiko. Obviously. At least, hopefully. Otherwise, I expect a lot of angry parents will have stopped their children from watching this show immediately after it aired.
So, he finally asks a smart question: "Why are you chasing the monster with me?" To which she replies that she is "on the side of those in love, on the side of justice." Even Luna is clearly wondering what exactly she is going on about, but instead of being a rational human being and deciding something is incredibly wrong here, he just accepts this explanation and presses harder on the accelerator.
I think everyone in this show really is insane.
Well, the monster leads them back to the record studio, where she has seemingly managed to incapacitate everyone in the studio, and is preparing to infect it all with the tape.
Again: If you could do all of that, why in the world would you run away from a little girl earlier? For that matter, why didn't you just do this all earlier, saving yourself all this time and trouble? Speaking of which, one has to wonder about their level of education - there is absolutely no need for her to put the tape in herself, from what I understand, because it would just start infecting everything anyways, if my understanding of this magical macguffin is correct.
So basically, you are completely wasting your time woman, what is wrong with you.
Well, just before she puts the tape in, the door crashes open, the heroes(?) bust in, and Luna flies through the air, dislodging the tape from Kurene's grip, and sending it flying back to Usagi. So clearly, the best course of action here is to (finally!) monsterize in front of everyone and prepare to do what she should've done earlier, which is trash everyone involved.
It is at this point that our musician realizes that's not even his tape. And there is a big monster who wants it back. But again, this monster must have had a Florida education, because instead of just trashing folks, she takes a hostage, thereby complicating matters even more than they already had to have been.
These people are not a threat to you monster, why are you resorting to taking hostages? Did you just want to, I don't know, do something like this ever since you were a little winged rodent? Is that what's going on here? What are these people going to do, just run away? Please, that's not a huge deal, you can friggin' fly. Just offer to let them live if they hand over the tape. It's not like the old guy is worried about the tape anymore.
But no, you had to take his wannabe girlfriend.
Then some unbelievable crap that only happens in an anime occurs: Usagi throws the tape into the air, the musician bum-rushes batgirl (who still has her claws at his dearest's throat mind you), and Luna leaps into action at the last second, catching the tape while at the same time attacking her claws or something? I didn't understand just how confusing this scene really was until I paused it and stared at it while typing this paragraph. Let me show you:
Well, Luna smashes the tape, and that's the end of that I guess, as Kurene goes flying off into the dark. She's pretty boned at this point, because without the tape her boss is going to kill her anyways. But then it's Sailor Moon time! So she's even more screwed, because now you have a magical girl about to kill you too.
So, she flies off to a concert hall, where somehow, magically, Sailor Moon is waiting for her with a crescent-moon shaped backdrop behind her.
Wait, what? When did you get there! You can't fly or teleport! How did you know she was going to land there? Somebody, quick, explain this crap to me!
Actually you know what, forget it, this episode is almost over and I just want this thing to be done with because it makes my brain feel as though I've been hit with Maxwell's Silver Hammer.
Sailor warrior, love, justice, stock footage, can't use music for evil. Oh, and the father of music, Haydn, is mad.
Wait, who?
According to wikipedia, Haydn was the instructor to Beethoven, a friend of Mozart, and regarded as the 'father of the symphony'. Which is pretty cool, but he seems to me to be sort of like a bit-player that everyone forgets about compared to other big names. Like Bach's, whom Luna claims is the father of music.
Is it like something she studied in class today or something, or am I missing some important detail here?
Today's monster seems to be capable of, get this, shooting high-frequency sonic waves out of her wings that make things explode. So, let me get this straight. Instead of just outright killing the guy who had the tape, you chased him around the city all day long, when you could've just blown him up from a hundred feet away and called it done?
Well, okay, maybe it would've destroyed the tape, sure. But wouldn't it have been far more effective than just throwing bats at him or something?
The whole high-frequency thing gives Moon an idea, and she throws a microphone at the soundwaves, which explodes in mid-air. And summons a Hadouken from the speakers, completely immobilizing her opponent. Then she throws her crown, and that was the end of that little story.
Back at the studio, the two adults finally realize they are in love with one another, blah blah blah, and now Naru is depressed because her favorite artist just got hitched. And he made an album with Sailor Moon on the cover of it.
So, in conclusion, today's life lesson is: Never send a bat to do a weasel's job. Or something. Oh, and if you have any minions in your employ, make sure that they are smart enough to understand how to properly utilize technology in the world you are sending them to, because this whole thing could have been avoided if she just let someone discover it was the wrong freaking tape in the first place. They probably would've killed themselves if they tried to play it, and the only thing lost here is time.
Seriously. If you're smart enough to know what a thing does, you should also be smart enough to USE IT. There are so many plot holes in this episode I just can't even understand why nobody would ask these sorts of questions.
I'm done here. Check back later this week, when I've successfully managed to not punch a baby in the face because that's how angry this crap makes me.
By her, I mean Akiko. Obviously. At least, hopefully. Otherwise, I expect a lot of angry parents will have stopped their children from watching this show immediately after it aired.
So, he finally asks a smart question: "Why are you chasing the monster with me?" To which she replies that she is "on the side of those in love, on the side of justice." Even Luna is clearly wondering what exactly she is going on about, but instead of being a rational human being and deciding something is incredibly wrong here, he just accepts this explanation and presses harder on the accelerator.
I think everyone in this show really is insane.
Well, the monster leads them back to the record studio, where she has seemingly managed to incapacitate everyone in the studio, and is preparing to infect it all with the tape.
Again: If you could do all of that, why in the world would you run away from a little girl earlier? For that matter, why didn't you just do this all earlier, saving yourself all this time and trouble? Speaking of which, one has to wonder about their level of education - there is absolutely no need for her to put the tape in herself, from what I understand, because it would just start infecting everything anyways, if my understanding of this magical macguffin is correct.
So basically, you are completely wasting your time woman, what is wrong with you.
Well, just before she puts the tape in, the door crashes open, the heroes(?) bust in, and Luna flies through the air, dislodging the tape from Kurene's grip, and sending it flying back to Usagi. So clearly, the best course of action here is to (finally!) monsterize in front of everyone and prepare to do what she should've done earlier, which is trash everyone involved.
It is at this point that our musician realizes that's not even his tape. And there is a big monster who wants it back. But again, this monster must have had a Florida education, because instead of just trashing folks, she takes a hostage, thereby complicating matters even more than they already had to have been.
These people are not a threat to you monster, why are you resorting to taking hostages? Did you just want to, I don't know, do something like this ever since you were a little winged rodent? Is that what's going on here? What are these people going to do, just run away? Please, that's not a huge deal, you can friggin' fly. Just offer to let them live if they hand over the tape. It's not like the old guy is worried about the tape anymore.
But no, you had to take his wannabe girlfriend.
Then some unbelievable crap that only happens in an anime occurs: Usagi throws the tape into the air, the musician bum-rushes batgirl (who still has her claws at his dearest's throat mind you), and Luna leaps into action at the last second, catching the tape while at the same time attacking her claws or something? I didn't understand just how confusing this scene really was until I paused it and stared at it while typing this paragraph. Let me show you:
 |
| What exactly was the plan here, and how did you know to execute it so perfectly? |
Well, Luna smashes the tape, and that's the end of that I guess, as Kurene goes flying off into the dark. She's pretty boned at this point, because without the tape her boss is going to kill her anyways. But then it's Sailor Moon time! So she's even more screwed, because now you have a magical girl about to kill you too.
So, she flies off to a concert hall, where somehow, magically, Sailor Moon is waiting for her with a crescent-moon shaped backdrop behind her.
Wait, what? When did you get there! You can't fly or teleport! How did you know she was going to land there? Somebody, quick, explain this crap to me!
Actually you know what, forget it, this episode is almost over and I just want this thing to be done with because it makes my brain feel as though I've been hit with Maxwell's Silver Hammer.
Sailor warrior, love, justice, stock footage, can't use music for evil. Oh, and the father of music, Haydn, is mad.
Wait, who?
According to wikipedia, Haydn was the instructor to Beethoven, a friend of Mozart, and regarded as the 'father of the symphony'. Which is pretty cool, but he seems to me to be sort of like a bit-player that everyone forgets about compared to other big names. Like Bach's, whom Luna claims is the father of music.
Is it like something she studied in class today or something, or am I missing some important detail here?
Today's monster seems to be capable of, get this, shooting high-frequency sonic waves out of her wings that make things explode. So, let me get this straight. Instead of just outright killing the guy who had the tape, you chased him around the city all day long, when you could've just blown him up from a hundred feet away and called it done?
Well, okay, maybe it would've destroyed the tape, sure. But wouldn't it have been far more effective than just throwing bats at him or something?
The whole high-frequency thing gives Moon an idea, and she throws a microphone at the soundwaves, which explodes in mid-air. And summons a Hadouken from the speakers, completely immobilizing her opponent. Then she throws her crown, and that was the end of that little story.
Back at the studio, the two adults finally realize they are in love with one another, blah blah blah, and now Naru is depressed because her favorite artist just got hitched. And he made an album with Sailor Moon on the cover of it.
 |
| Admittedly, this is a cool reward. |
Seriously. If you're smart enough to know what a thing does, you should also be smart enough to USE IT. There are so many plot holes in this episode I just can't even understand why nobody would ask these sorts of questions.
I'm done here. Check back later this week, when I've successfully managed to not punch a baby in the face because that's how angry this crap makes me.
No comments:
Post a Comment