Strike Witches Episode FINAL - Strike Witches

I can't really put this off any longer, I suppose. Not entirely sure why I would want to, of course. But.. it must be done. Let's just end this show and put it out of my misery.

As a note, I know that I didn't post anything Friday. I was going to, but then I wound up doing other things instead. Things that didn't involve watching this show. Also, it gave me time to prepare a couple of other shows. One of which might show up Wednesday. Or Friday. I'm undecided, really.

Finally, as a last word? They named the final episode the title of the show. As if they weren't full enough of themselves as it was? Yeah. They just had to go there.

Okay. Let's just get this over with so I can gently sob into a pillow for the rest of the night...

In case you missed last week's episode, or, I don't know, the entire series, they recap the important things: The ship is going down, and Mio is sitting on a Striker unit which Yoshi is going to use to combat the insane machine that is destroying everything.

One full minute and then the intro, so thankfully that's one less minute of torture I need to worry about. They really wanted to make sure you were up to speed by playing that last minute of the previous episode. Because hey, that's 60 seconds they don't have to animate a god damned thing. Isn't that just wonderful?

When we return, they play some peaceful music, and we get to see the carrier exploding some more. Then we get to start the Pantsu counter already, because Mio is just... it's blatantly obvious here guys. Yoshi is all looking defiant and shit, thinking she can make a difference despite being a complete and utter f**k-up, and Mio is all "nope, you can't" and Yoshi's all "Oh yeah? Stop me." While shoving her butt in your face. And talking about how she would simply be "throwing your life away" which is the wrong thing to do in this occasion, I guess.

Also, I love how they cut a character's head off while they are talking, so they don't have to animate that. Or anything at all, really.

Imagine a full thirty seconds of this. Then? Zooming in on
the Major and Blondie.

Then she's all "I want to protect you!" which has some kind of profound effect on her leader, and she decides, why not, let's just let you handle this even though you are clearly incompetent at everything.

Oh, and in case you forgot about Lucchini and Shirley, they're coming back. In the meantime, Yoshi prepares to do her thing, and Mio tells her about how her units tend to run, and then off she goes to fight the big bad all by he precious little self.

Except the Warlock? He's not having any of that.

I'm sorry, were you about to take off and attack me?

Oops. So Yoshi gets blown up, her gun goes flying, and Mio... magicks up for some reason to catch her gun. I genuinely have zero idea what purpose that serves at all. I think the animators just wanted to show her glowing because it is super dramatic.

Then Yoshi takes off and is facing against the giant machine with no gun, but Perinne makes with the cover while she makes some... questionable combat choices.

What part of this EVER seemed like a good idea?!

Our pals in the biplane are on their way to help, but they have no guns, whatever will they do? Then Yoshi gets her gun and the crew of the ship, who I might add have completely abandoned the two girls left on-board, watch in awe as Yoshi is flying around like a dunce.

Back at the base, some other girls took the time to beat the shit out of the guys in the control room, and Minna puts on her angry face at them, while telling the General everything he's been doing, in case we somehow missed all of it.

Exceeded military understanding? Is this a joke about
military intelligence?

Oh, if only they had listened to Yoshi sooner. Oh, but the ship is sinking, and Minna does her magic thing for... whatever reason. She's able to identify that Yoshi is using Mio's striker, and they try to figure out what to do next. So they tie up the General and leave everyone else standinga round why they just kind of run off.

Off in the sky, Yoshi continues to rack up the pantsu counter all by herself, and wonders just what is going on. The Warlock is acting just like a Neuroi. Gee, I wonder why. But if it is acting like a Neuroi, it must have a core, right? But she still can't bring herself to fight back, even against an inanimate object. So she just flies around instead.

Then Lynne is on the side of the road watching the battle, and she runs back to the car for some reason.

Speaking of her friend, the Warlock decides to make a definitive statement to its opponent:

HERE, THIS IS MY WEAK POINT. JUST THOUGHT
YOU MIGHT LIKE TO KNOW.

Oh hey, it's just like that friend of hers that showed her all the pretty things. She reaches out to touch it, but the robot is all having none of that! It puts the core away after trying to blast her apart, and Yoshi finally understands: This thing is trying to kill her! She should probably try to do something about that.

So they go off flying again after that delightful little exchange, and the robot slices the Akagi in half again, leaving Mio and Perinne in a very awkward position hanging off the side of a ship that is taking forever to actually sink.

And back at the base... they continue to tell us the same. God. Damned. THING. OVER. AGAIN.

OH MY F***ING GOD WE GET IT ALREADY!!

Oh, and somehow Eila and Ilya came back, blaming their having fallen asleep on the train and circling back as to why they are here.

..... right. So everyone is here for Yoshi. Great to know. Time to do something about those poorly placed girders.

Instead of wasting time lifting these, couldn't you just...
blow up the wall or something?

And meanwhile, in the ocean, they are attempting to recreate the Titanic.

Sure is a good thing physics don't exist in this world!

Perinne is about to lose her grip, and Mio is all "drop me" and she's all "never!", and Lynne finally shows up back at the base. More flying around, then the plane gets into the fight, with Lucchini magicking up while the Warlock attacks the plane for no reason whatsoever. But hey, this is the same robot that attacks a sinking ship five seconds later, so who am I to suggest it might not be making the smartest decisions here.

Then the two girls fall but are rescued by a passing biplane while Yoshi remembers she is fighting a battle. This is followed up by a close up of Lynne's ample bosoms flopping about as she notices that everyone else is already suiting up for combat. Cue the final midpoint cards!

We're back to Yoshi shooting more bullets ineffectively, staring down a machine that is pretty much the dumbest end boss ever. It then loses a leg from a well-placed sniper round, though, saving poor Yoshi's life. It also goes crashing into the sinking ship, while Lynne is all "yay I shot something".

Then all the other girls show up. Including Mio.

I have no words for how epicly stupid this is.

Oh, but they brought Yoshi's Striker units, which they might not need. Or will they?

I'M A MOTHER F***ING WHAAAAAAAALE!

So, turns out the Warlock is also capable of assimilating inanimate objects. Case in point? It's just taken over the remains of an aircraft carrier, and completely transformed it in the process. No big deal.

So they get the Strikers swapped out while the aircraft carrier casually flies up into the sky, and the girls are all flying around trying to deal with this thing. Mio does her eyeball thing with Minna supporting, and they determine that the Warlock and the Akagi have completely fused. Nobody has any idea what this thing is at this point, so they should probably try to shoot it down or something now.

You've got lasers going all over the place, and the core is conveniently placed at the Engine Room, so Mio and Yoshi and Lynne and Perinne are going in because they know the inside of the ship pretty well. Or something. They decide this is a great plan, and head off to destroy that core.

Lots of close ups of faces, and the Carrier decides to level out on the clouds, because what's better than an ocean below the carrier? A thick layer of clouds. It's one less thing they have to bother animating, I suppose.

I feel like I can fly, Jack! You are flying, Rose.

Then Erica goes flying off, but not before she shoves her ass directly into the camera, and does some blizzardy thing. Then the other girls also start working on shooting at the thing, everyone doing their support/assault roles respectively, blah blah.

Also, can I just take a moment to point out how disturbing it is that one of the youngest characters, Lucchini, is the one whose panties ride so low you can almost always see her ass crack? Am I the only one who is completely horrified at this prospect? Besides the pedos I mean. They're practically the only audience this show has, after all.

So she digs into Shirley's chest and then gets launched at the Warlock, and Team Yoshi is instructed to head on in now, which they do.

A wild Enemy Bulkhead appears, but is no use in stopping them. Sadly Yoshi and Lynne lose their guns on teh way there, and poor Perinne's gun isn't enough to take down the final barrier. Guess she'll just have to magic it open in that case.

Gee, I wonder what it's weak point is....

Yoshi asks her two pals to support her, and she... reverses the movement of her Striker units to dive into the ship's core, thereby killing it. Then the ship explodes in midair, and yay, the battle is over.

... I'm not even going to bother asking how in the HELL THAT SHIT IS SUPPOSED TO WORK. Or why her pals are casually just feeling up her chest. It's a thing.

It's not what it looks like we swear!

Then they start playing the ending music, and Perinne is all "I totally wasn't feeling your boobs there," and looks back to see the Neuroi hive vanishing. Welp, guess the war's over folks, time to go home! How any of this makes sense? I couldn't tell you, because it isn't as if they really decided to explain anything that's important whatsoever.

So they all fly back to teh base, all happy that they have ended the war... somehow. Oh, and they were still disbanded anyway. Cue the actual ending now! But sadly there's still like, a full two and a half minutes left meaning there's going to be something AFTER all this shit.

Unfortunately, this is not the USUAL ending. You know what that means? THE PANTSU COUNTER CONTINUES. Expect lots of girls sitting on each other's chest, pressing faces into butts, standing around naked and lying around in teh grass. Oh, and eating food, can't forget that.

I guess these are supposed to be epilogues for everyone, but I honestly couldn't tell you. Then they end it the same way it started, with Yoshi staring at that stupid photo going "man, this is how it all started", and then her buddy from the start of the show bringing her a dead bird. Because those are the best kinds of gifts, the ones that are dead animals. You know what also does that? CATS.

But she brings it back to life and we see it flying off into the sky, how awesome that Yoshi is useful. Oh, and then something explodes. It's a pair of legs! With Striker units. But wait, we've never seen these before, what's going on?

Let me tell you what's going on: They are introducing a new character at the end of the show in the best possible way: They begin with her crotch. In your face.

Now that you've seen me spread eagle, here's my name.
Call me, maybe?

She's looking for Yoshi, who just happens to be there. She has a letter from Dr. Miyafuji. Wait, what? THE END.

Final Pantsu count: 21. Number of F**ks given about this show? Zero.

... don't make me watch more of this show. Please. It's just an utter travesty of animation, and doesn't even deserve a single penny paid for it. Seriously. There are better ways to waste your time. Like heroine. Or cocaine. At least those make you feel good for a little bit.