Strike Witches Episode 11 - To the Sky

With this, there's only one more episode before I'm finished with a second series. I'm still at a loss for what I'll do Friday - maybe I'll just end this one there and figure the rest out as I go. Lord knows I'm going to be all too happy to put this monstrosity down for good.

I'm really not sure what else I can say, except that I am really, really glad I only have to do this stupid Pantsu counter one more time after this. I may need more gimmicks in the near future... just because.

Today they're going with the "recapping the last ten seconds of the previous episode" bit. Except they're picking up right where they left off, with Minna accusing the General of a coup, and him showing her a piece of paper stating that he's pretty much the man in charge now.

His first order? Gather up all of them on the flight deck, and then asking Yoshi if she did in fact disobey orders. Then she takes the time to recognize that piece of shit called a "Warlock" behind him as being that thing she saw in that flashback thingy.

But how could she possibly know that? And why are the other girls kind of looking at her like "oh shit did she just unearth some major secret of some kind?" Oh, but who cares about things like that? There's more important matters to discuss here.

This is the worst military commander I've ever seen. You
should be conducting your tribunal in another manner.

She answers yes, and then he turns to the commander, asking her why she didn't shoot down the traitor, and then disbands the Strike Witches unit. Everybody gets to go home now.

So yes, in a brilliant stroke of tactical genius, getting rid of the only thing that literally has been the only reason the Earth is not a ball of charred dirt was clearly the right choice here. Not that I'm complaining. Leaving the defense of the planet to teenaged girls unsupervised was a horrible decision to begin with. Despite the fact that, somehow, they've managed to achieve results.

Good going Yoshi, you've managed to sink to an all new level of completely f***ing everything up! By being the sole reason Earth's greatest defense against alien destruction was sent home to their respective countries.

Although, one would think that the troops here, given that they all hail from different countries, would have their leaders say a few things on their behalf, but hey, who cares about actual strategic command when they're trying to shove plot down our throats? They want you to be shocked and outraged that they have been replaced with a machine! A shitty looking one at that.

Is it really a good idea to replace a squadron of little girls with a single machine that might, oh, break down? This thing is a prototype after all. But hey, this is a show about brilliant military tactics! Nothing could ever go wrong.

Ever.

Then, they're thinking of taking out Holland. Nobody likes
Holland anyways, am I right?

Yoshi looks down, or faints or something while the screen fades to white and we get our intro. I can't decide: Is he just making a show of force because the only way he can get hard is by yelling at little girls and making them cry? Is that what makes him feel like a big man? For that matter, why is he even bothering to explain himself! He's a goddamned General, he doesn't have to explain shit to anyone. Hell, for that matter even, why not just say "hey, so you guys are done here because we're moving onto the next phase of our project, good job and good bye"?

Oh, right, that would make too much sense and not be SUPER CONTROVERSIAL. What was I thinking?

Also amazingly, there is a striking lack of actual pantsu, despite the incredibly long lead-in. I'm sure that'll change soon enough.

When we return, all of the girls are out flying in formation... but then Yoshi is suddenly alone. Oh noes! Then she wakes up in a bed with everyone looking down at her, bags packed.

... probably not dying from a terminal illness am I?

Turns out she did faint on the runway. Shock from kind of destroying everything they were working for. Nothing too serious. Oh but she is in super serious mode now. Something is wrong, and she is determined to make you feel like, despite pretty much being a colossal f**k-up, that she knows the score.

Besides the fact that it's 100 years too early? Yeah, we know.

They should totally go investigate this thing! Except that, y'know, they're all going home now. Whoops. So Yoshi starts crying, which gets Lynne crying, and Yoshi's all there blaming herself while the others try to pretend like this isn't somehow entirely her fault. Which it pretty much is.

So now it's time for them to leave, and Yoshi heads out with Perinne and friend Mio, and away from Castle Lovewitz they go. Everyone's on their separate paths, but somehow Shirley and Lucchini have the time to flash us their underpants for the first x2 pantsu combo of the day, which incidentally also starts our counter.

Anyone else find it weird they're wearing hats, but no pants?

Lynne goes off in a private car, and everyone gets home some way or another. Then we get to see what the new tenants have done with the place.

... this is by far the DUMBEST thing I've ever seen. WHY?!

I'm going to take a minute and just ask: WHY THE F**K DID YOU BLOCK OFF THE HANGAR WITH ALL THOSE STEEL GIRDERS. WHAT POSSIBLE PURPOSE DOES THAT EVEN SERVE?! I mean seriously, what the flying f**k?! You got rid of everyone on base who could possibly make use of the stuff inside that hangar, it would seem to make more sense to, I dunno, MOVE THAT SHIT INTO STORAGE. Considering that has a f***ing runway on that shit, one might think that would be A PRETTY GOD DAMNED IMPORTANT THING TO RE-USE. Nope, guess not, let's just f**k up the place for no reason, we have a real surplus of runways here on this base I guess.

It's a wonder the human race hasn't been annihilated from the face of the planet at this point. I mean seriously. Christ.

No shit, and whose fault is that? Oh, right, YOURS.

So the General is all bitching a fit because guess who jumped the gun on this one? He was all "lol gonna annihilate the enemy you can go home" but didn't consider the fact that they only have a single prototype to use against them?! How did this man become a General, exactly? Then he starts cursing Yoshi and her somehow asking questions that actually made sense. Or knowing things she couldn't possibly know. Curse the little girls!

Oh noes, the horror.

Then he goes on to make yet another incredibly stupid comment.

Um, no. That makes them Witches. Dumbass. Do you
even bother to read your briefings?!

Clearly, there's nothing to fear from little girls WHO CAN USE MAGIC. Let's also ignore the fact that some of their magic happens to be incredibly useful, like say, I dunno... locating the enemy you're supposed to destroy. But hey, they're really trying to play up on this theme of some military dudes trying to keep this whole Neuroi being a military experiment gone wrong thing. Or the whole plot twist where the Neuroi invasion is actually totally their fault and the destruction of an entire country was actually a justified reaction on their part. Really though? They come across as just being an incredibly inept military force. Which... considering the fact that they left the defense of the entire planet to a team of little girls... is either saying a lot, or not very much. Take your pick.

Then there's a ship! A ship that is on fire! And Yoshi, Mio, and Perinne are on a boat heading back to Not Japan. Mio apologizes for dragging Yoshi halfway across the world, but Yoshi is all like "hey, it's no big deal, I just kind of royally screwed everything up so it's not really your fault that you made a perfectly idiotic decision that led to this inevitably conclusion."

Except that, y'know, she probably made it sound a lot nicer. And much more sincere.

Despite all of that, Yoshi doesn't regret any of the time she spent. Or the things she did. Especially not the things that nearly killed people. Which happened all the time. Funny how that works.

Oh, then Gertrude, Minna, and Erica are all up to no good, and planning something because... I don't even know. Also, they're invoking Yoshi's name like she's some kind of martyr. Because god forbid that they should let her go home with a broken heart over this whole thing.

You think?

Also, I love how it's only now they begin to wonder if maybe there's a chance that they should have double-checked all of this shit with someone back at base to confirm the orders they were given. Even if they did come from a General, that doesn't mean he is the highest authority around, and I'm not entirely certain he has the proper authority to even order them around? Much less disband a unit? I mean that's the kind of thing that needs approvals and signatures and doesn't just happen on the whims of someone who is clearly intimidated by girls half his size.

To be fair though? These are little girls with magic. Oh wait, according to him without Strikers they are just "little girls". Nevermind!

Then Erica... does a sexy girl move which makes me want to vomit in order to gain transportation back to the base or something OH GOD SHE IS LIKE SIXTEEN WHY.

Probably has nothing to do with your age, I'm sure.

Welcome to your well-deserved commercial break. Upon the return, air raid sirens! And them using the only runway that appears to be of use to them on the entire base... which again makes me question the brilliant minds behind the making of this show.

Excuse me while I find a brick wall to bang my skull against.

Then Warlock Unit 0 is ready. Yes, you read that right. Unit ZERO. Which is now off to the sky races in all of this Gradius-inspired glory.

Yes, we know, you are totally wanting to make yourself
look better than a group of little girls, we get it.

Blah blah fruits of their Neuroi research blah.

Safety? Who needs safety? Rushed, unfinished prototypes
are the best ways to win wars, haven't you ever watched anime?

Oh, but they have no choice but to fight. Since they sort of... you know. DISBANDED THE STRIKE WITCHES. Does this guy even bother listening to the things he says? Because he doesn't exactly sound like the kind of guy with the world's best interests at heart here. More like, he's just purely motivated by selfish greed and personal glory. Y'know, exactly the sort of qualities you want in a leader like that.

So Minna and party are all watching from nearby, plotting and all that and wondering just what's really going on. Meanwhile, Shirley and Lucchini see the Warlock already heading out, but who cares, it's time for them to fly home. Up up and away. Oh, it also does a buzz of the ship Yoshi and the others are on seconds later, because... well, just because.

Oh and then there's the giant black ice cream cone of doom just kind of hovering there, and the hive starts throwing all sorts of shitty flying wings at them. Sadly, no match for the Warlock, but wait? How is it possible that the Warlock can use beam weapons? Then it hits Yoshi: It's something to do with that thing the Neuroi showed her.

It's a robot, it can't make contact with anything!

Perinne is obviously confident that if they'd stolen and reverse engineered Neuroi technology, clearly they would have been the first ones to know, right? Right?

Then Mio gives Yoshi false hope by suggesting that maybe her actions weren't for nothing after all. Oh, and the General is all laughing because the Warlock managed to take down a single Neuroi no problem. Yep, totally not overinflating his ego at all.

Oh look, who'd have thought that attacking the enemy's hive would cause it to generate more enemies to fight. Two more flying wings pop out because that's just how they roll - the enemy doesn't rely on a single combat drone to defend everything like some other races do.

Their numbers slowly begin to climb, but hey, who cares? They've got the Vic friggin' Viper on their side. They can send out as many Neuroi as they want, they'll just have to start wishing they'd taken the time to install an Option or few for additional laser shenanigans.

Oh, so they need to activate the Warlock core now? Oh, but controlling that requires at least five Warlocks with resonating cores? But who cares about stuff like that just do it anyway, even though the damn stupid prototype is at max capacity anyway? Why don't we just keep making up ridiculous words that don't mean anything at all?

Egregious oversights in this military? Perish the thought.

Meanwhile, Mio continues to give her bestest buddies more updates on what's going on, and somehow the Warlock's control core manages to take control of all the Neuroi. Oh, well that's good then I suppose. The rogue machine only has like, what, a hundred of those stupid manta-ray looking pieces of flying alien shit under its control? How is that possibly a bad thing.

Oh wait nope, sorry, the Neuroi are now tearing themselves apart because of these controlling shenanigans, and now they've magically destroyed all of the Neuroi. Hooray. Congratulations you won the war, even if you make it seem like the Warlock is no longer under your con-

Uh....

I'm sure that's working as intended.

So the Warlock kind of attacks the Akagi, which I guess is the ship that picked up the girls, and then displays a brilliant lack of aim whatsoever, despite the fact that it just finished annihilating a hundred of those enemy things with a single perfectly aimed shot.

Ah, don't feel bad dude. Performance anxiety, y'know. Happens to everyone. Everyone who is a villain in this show, specifically. Somehow, the guys who made this thing are surprised that somehow their brilliant plan has backfired.

All these closeups of my face this episode!

They need to shut down the unit now before it kind of destroys anything. But hold on, didn't you just say you'd lost control of it anyway? But you are more concerned that you might lose your only prototype unit because it is over the sea?

All these close ups? Yeah, I know they can't be.

So he makes the difficult decision to... shut down the Warlock. Meanwhile, the Akagi is busy defending itself against an enemy attack, and they shut down the Warlock, which manages to somehow not only saw the Akagi in half, but also the base. Oh no, you can't control the Warlock. What do?

 It then proceeds to make up for failing to hit the ship at all earlier, and the girls use their magic to keep Mio from rolling off the deck. Then somehow Shirley and Lucchini are all "oh hey what's that thing we should totally check it out", and then magically everyone is coming back to the f***ing base. Even the ones on the train that cannot turn around at all.

Perinne is all "we gotta get out of here" and Yoshi is all "No, we gotta do something!" and Mio is all "yeah, we got this" because somehow Mio snuck out a Striker unit in her wheelchair.

Why was Perinne surprised? Didn't she stuff it there?

So Mio is gonna do her sacrificial lamb thing, but Yoshi is all "no, I'll do the flying!" and the episode ends with a startling low pantsu count that I could almost count on one hand: Seven times.

Of course, the number of extreme close-ups of the General's face far exceed that, and given how much literal face time he was given this episode? That explains it really. After all, the Witches themselves hardly got any real screen time, much less butt time.

I'll probably wrap this up on Friday. Not because I want to... but because I might as well. Unless I surprise you with something else. We'll see.