Sailor Moon Episode 18 - Shingo's Innocent Love! A Sorrowful French Doll

After the travesty that was that last episode of KnJ, I need something slightly less terrible to rot my brain with. Which means going back to my comfort food that is Sailor Moon. Is that really even a comfort food? Also, what is with my obsession with eating lately? (Protip: It may have everything to do with my current state of employment.)

So tonight happens to be a rainy night. Something about thunderstorms. They may have also attempting to insinuate something about earthquakes, birds, snakes, aeroplanes, and something about Lenny Bruce. Or maybe that was something else I heard today? Who knows.

Anyhow, the episode preview begins an HOLY JESUS WHAT IS THAT.

WHOA ARE WE IN THE WRONG SHOW OR SOMETHING?

That.... what?! Holy crap. If this show wasn't going to give children nightmares before, it sure as hell is now. Usagi hasn't even started talking yet and we're bombarded by this. Way to set the bar high fellas! Why not throw up a disclaimer, may make your children terrified of dolls, viewer discretion is advised. Holy shit man.

So today's monster of the day is a giant mannequin with a hole in its stomach, and according to Usagi, something about a 'girl's day dolls'. I'm confused, and slightly concerned for anyone who watched this growing up, because good christ, some people might need counseling for this.

So today in the house of the fiery skull, Beryl demands an update! What's up with those Sailor Scouts? And where is her coffee? But before homeboy Fabi - I mean Nephrite can respond, Zoisite is all "yo, I can totes help because clearly you suck at your job." Beryl thinks this is a great idea, however, and forces the two of them to work together.

My god, it's almost like she actually wants this  problem to be taken care of! Who ever would have thought.

Oh, but Nephrite manages to snub the big-breasted red-haired psycho who is supposed to be in charge by saying he's dealing with the Scouts not for her, but for himself. Way to piss off the mentally-unstable and questionably-competant boss you work for. Did you not see what happened to the last guy who screwed up? I mean you were only standing right there. Oh well, he's probably dead at the end of this episode.

Ah, but of course, this is all according to Zoisite's plan! He pulls a Keikaku Doori, chuckling to himself in plain daylight, and inner monologue-ing like only a dude with fabulously long blonde hair like him can manage to pull off.

Back on Earth, Usagi is not late for breakfast. For a change. But plot twist, things are revolving around her brother Shingo! I guess some girl he likes won some kind of doll-making contest or something. Supposedly, this girl's mother is also a world-renown doll maker or something. Once Usagi starts making fun of her brother, he runs off telling her she's going to be late (but weren't you just telling her three seconds earlier how she was on time for a change, what's up with that?).

But during this entire scene, I could only concentrate on one thing:  What the hell is up with Usagi's shirt?

Did the tag say dry-clean only? Your shirt is too short!

Why did I focus on this? Because it happens twice during this scene.

The first offense, and oh god is THAT creepy or what?

Oh god. Clearly they were trying to give children nightmares with this episode. What is up with that shirt? If they try to hit us with a 'her boobs grew three sizes overnight" I am going to stab a bitch.

Anyhow, on the way back home with her best friend the red-haired psycho, some kids from Shingo's school come running up to tell her what an asshole her little brother is. Poor girl comes up and says "hey, thanks for being there for me through this whole there, here's the doll that won first place because clearly I like you a lot." What's he do? Shoves it back sending it careening to the floor. Yep, you know he's gonna be popular with the ladies. It's a scientifically proven fact, chicks dig jerks.

Though it may have been an accident as he is clearly mortified by the act. Though not as much as the little girl whose heart he crushed. Oh, and he never apologized. JERK.

Clearly, as an older sister, it is up to the rabbit to ensure that JUSTICE IS DONE. Or some crap like that.

So this little girl whose name is Mika is holing herself up in her room with a bunch of creepy friggin' dolls and all the blinds closed. Anyhow, she talks to her mom, and lies to her face about letting someone borrow the doll, and resumes making more of those creepy looking things.

Meanwhile, back in the House of the Rising Sun - or maybe it's the Hotel California? Nephrite is consulting the stars again! And he starts talking about Orpheus.Now, I don't know about you, but when I think Orpheus? I think Persona 3. Because that dude was boss. But what this guy has to do with dolls or little girls? Or hell, astrology for that matter, I have no freaking clue. More examples of them stringing bullshit together.

So Shingo is trying to make things right by writing a letter, and his sister comes in and starts beating him up over it. But she continues to fight back, in her shirt that still looks too damned small! Seriously, what is WRONG with that shirt?! He makes up the courage to go to Mika's house, when who else should appear but captain fabulous with the amazing magical Ferrari.

Today, he is pretending to be some kind of doll aficionado. He gets shown the creepy-ass sad doll, shoves a monster in there named Jumo, and gives it a makeover. A seriously... creepy... makeover.

Holy shit.

So Nephrite asks her to make ten more dolls just like that one, and there is some kind of event coming up this saturday that she will totes be showing up for. Oh, and later that night she starts getting all violent with her mom who wants to kindly suggest that she get some sleep for school so she can keep making dolls. Then Jumo starts acting all creepy after the shove and oh god what is this turning into Child's Play?

I mean how do you flip-flop between bad guys who are just laughable to ones that are downright nightmare inducing? I mean seriously that is messed up.

Shingo learns that Mika is carving nonstop and won't see him, and she is so intent on making these dolls. But of course, you know he's going to tell his sister what happened.

You only destroyed the doll that won her first place.
It's not that serious, right?

Usagi suggests bribing the girl. Chicks like gifts after you piss them off it seems. But from all of this, she deduces that - something must be wrong with Mika! It's like she's the main character and magically knows things all of a sudden. Luna agrees, but then she makes a comment about cursed dolls. What the...? Did you just...? Okay, so now she knows the dolls are possessed? Or is she just making baseless assumptions?

Well, according to Luna, it's probably the DARK KINGDOM. So better round up the girls, because we are on a mission. Elsewhere, Shingo is looking for bribes, and passes by the arcade, where he sees a very familiar poster.

But wait... hang on a second...

Clearly this is not an error.

Once again with the weirdly untucked fuku! This is EVERYWHERE. This isn't just a single mishap, this is clearly a recurring thing throughout the entire episode. Why?! Did you just want an excuse to show their navels? Dear god, what is going ON with this show? Did they think dark and edgy also had to mean suddenly showing more skin too?

So Shingo decides to make something for her! A Sailor Moon doll. That might be a hard sell, given he clearly sucks at making things.

The day of the show arrives, and still the girl is hard at work. Ami goes undercover in the exhibit as... a hippie. And Rei shows up with... Mamoru?! What exactly is going on here? Somehow, he is getting put onto the spot by Rei. We discover that *drumroll please* Mamoru is not all that into dolls. Shocking. A guy not really caring about dolls. Who would have thought.

Oh, but then PLOT!

Shit's about to get real all up in here.

Nephrite and Mamoru pass by and suddenly, they know. Clearly they are destined to be lovers. To run off to France, and... wait, I'm pretty sure that's probably not it at all. But with the way they look at each other, I guess anyone could easily make that mistake.

Eventually Usagi and her brother show up, and now we have the entire gang here. Mika finishes the last doll and then EVIL MAGIC HAPPENS. Now we get our monster of the day, and.... HOLY CRAP.

That.... is actually kind of... horrifying?

Shingo and the bunny show up at the wrong time, Shingo gets knocked out by the monster, and his doll gets crushed. How tragic. But there's no witnesses conscious, so it's time for her to transform and do her thing.

Love, justice, crescent moons, blah blah. She's more angry that the monster broke Shingo's doll than anything else. But our monster is not amused! Then we get flying exorcist dolls with creepy eyes that don't match. Followed by our monster, who is especially some kind of awesome for a change. Though, what is awesome to me is probably absolutely terrifying for the target audience.

Looking a little bit punk there.

Mercury and Mars show up, and a well-timed mist keeps Usagi from biting it early. Then Rei does her talisman thing and... hold on, don't they do this every single episode?! Predictably, Usagi gets nabbed by the monster, Rei chucks a fireball and manages to scorch Moon in the process!

But then Mercury analyzes the monster, and learns that the weakness is its right foot. Ah, but Usagi can't breathe, as the monster's hands have left its body and continue to attempt choking the life out of her.

This is pretty hardcore compared to, I don't know, LASER CAMERAS. It's like they can't manage to decide if they want to be completely ridiculous, or attempt to be somewhat terrifying.

Ah, but Tuxedo Mask comes in to save the day once more. with his magical rose that immediately forces the enemy to sit back and do nothing. Including ending their attack for absolutely zero reason. She throws the tiara and this fight is over. Suddenly, the children wake up, and Sailor Moon makes a cameo appearance to patch things together for the two of them. Yay.

Not long after, Mika shows up with a perfect likeness figurine of Sailor Moon, handing it to Shingo. Then immediately gets jealous because he likes Sailor Moon so much. Despite totally being her younger brother. What a rube.

And... wait. That's the end of the episode?! Really? That's... the end? There's no after the episode girl-talk? Huh. It's almost like Shingo really was the main character this time. Or something.

Most times, these episodes leave me crying because of just how utterly horrendous they are, either because the content is contrived, or the plot is just absolute drivel. But this time?

This time, I am left simply scratching my head. Because for the life of me, I can't understand what they were trying to do with this episode.

There was no easily-identifiable message. In fact, it seems like there wasn't even any real plot, aside from Zoisite being a dick, and that lasted all of like ten seconds. It's almost like they just wanted to scare the shit out of children. In fact, it seems to me that, when the target this time is an elementary school student, they pull out all the freaking stops this time, by creating the most intense possession scene in the history of this entire show so far.

My mind is blown. Because honestly? All of the conclusions I can draw at this point leave me pretty terrified. It's almost like they are trying to project horrifying things happening to little girls.

I may have just vomited a little inside my mouth. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to rest my head for a few days. Come back Friday, where I will probably tackle the next episode. Hopefully it will be a little more in line with the rest of the show so far.

Oh who am I kidding. My expectations at this point are pretty freaking low.