Sailor Moon Episode 19 - Usagi is Thrilled! Tuxedo Mask's Love Letter

You know, it's been raining a lot lately. Interestingly enough, it didn't start the torrential downpours until after I restarted this blog.

Coincidence? I hope so.

Anyways, after the terrifying mess that was the last episode, let's see just exactly how explicit the series decides to get on the next episode. Somehow, I get the feeling it is going to be lighthearted and obnoxious.

So in this episode, Nephrite dons a tuxedo, practices magic, and.... performs a sieg heil. Oh holy jesus what did I just get myself into.

This... is not promising at all.

There is just no WAY that sort of thing would ever pass in today's shows. Just never. Like, ever. Unless it actually involved Nazis. Why? Because people are super politically correct nowadays. Especially Japan, and they really love their Nazi symbolism in media.

Today's episode begins in Silent Hill, otherwise known as Nephrite's love shack. His latest gibberish involves Leo and Regulus. For once, two things which actually have a direct correlation! Surprise. Oh, and he makes probably the smartest inquiry since, like ever: The weakness of the Sailor Scouts.

I guess he's probably about to die or something, given how well that sort of thing went last time someone was close to taking them out.

Anyways we start going into flashback territory, and he realizes, gasp, Tuxedo Mask is always around to help them for some reason! Also he is a killer distraction for them. Oh, but as soon as he learns this, Zoisite pulls him back to Beryls House of Pleasures, where he's getting the riot act for being a shitty minion.

Predicatbly, she threatens to send him back to sleep, like that other guy.

This show is family friendly. I swear it is.

Okay, so last episode we got people doing dangerous things to little girls, now the villains are outright swearing to kill the heroine. Wow Japan, that's awfully mature for a show targeted at ten year old girls. Christ.

Back at home, Usagi gets  a 'letter' from "Tuxedo Mask". Yeah, I believe that. Luna is automatically suspicious, and frankly kind of reasonable, as she wonders how the hell he knows her true identity.

Wait, for that matter, how did the villains learn this? Since this is clearly an evil plot. Whatever, looks like her secret isn't quite so secret anymore, but who cares? This is all about LOVE.

 

Remember kids: Reality is objective, so long as you ignore
that thing called common sense.

Oh, also Luna wonders if that guy is really on their side or not.

So the next day, everybody in her class seems to have gotten the same letter. Mystery number one solved, and I would laugh if it wasn't so terribly cliche. Because they did the exact same thing once before. Now they are beginning to recycle ideas. This is just fabulous. Are they already scraping the bottom of the barrel? Probably.

Anyways, Naru secretly hopes that the person who sent the letter is - surprise twist - the freaking villain. God, just kill me now.

Also, the teacher is mad because she didn't get a letter, and is taking it out on all her students by telling them not to go to the store when the letter says. Whatever, she's just jelly.

Luna talks to Ami, who talks to Rei, and our arcade bros are talking about the whole thing, amusingly enough because one of them is secretly Tuxedo Mask.

But Usagi is upset because everybody else got a letter that she's pretty sure was only meant for her. Oh, and Rei got an inviation, but is sick and can't do anything. Funny how things like colds can lay down even these warriors of justice and peace.

Meanwhile at the store, Naru shows up and sees Nephrite, who is waiting around. But then she asks if he is Tuxedo Mask, and now we get into holy crap this is bad writing territory. Be prepared, because this is going to get INCREDIBLY STUPID.

HOW COULD SHE BE YOU MORON? SHE WAS UNCONCIOUS
WHEN YOU GOT YOUR ASS HANDED TO YOU. AUUUGH!

So what does he do? He basically asks her out on a date. So she's going to show up on time. Seriously, this is just getting freaking creepy, dude is hitting on little girls that are at least ten years younger than him. That is just revolting as hell.

Over at the rabbit's house, someone is preparing for a date.

Date Ettiquette number one. This is disturbing in
so many ways I can't even begin to say.

So she goes off on this tangent of 'things you should do before a date'. Which to me is pretty horrifying because she's like, what, 13 years old? 14? According to the internets, she is between 14-16. That's close enough for me to declare this officially weird territory.

So Naru shows up at the place, wandering around an empty department store at night. And Nephrite dresses up as Tuxedo... I cannot take this shit seriously any longer.

Are they parodying themselves?! 

So Naru pegs his true fake identity, and suddenly his cool exterior cracks. Sorry, but aparrently you do not have Plot Armor, and as such putting on goofy shades and a top hat do not keep everyone from magically knowing who you are. Either that or Naru is the smartest person in town.

Let's settle for 'smartest person in town'.

Speaking of smartest people in town, he assumes she is in fact Sailor Moon (which she is not) and touches her chest. Now we've crossed into inappropriately touching underage girls, and we are only halfway through this episode. Maybe I should start tracking a list of crimes this show commits because jesus christ this is just stupid.

So Usagi is out and about, secretly trying not to go on a date, and gets called by her friends, who realize what she is doing.

Meanwhile, Naru is starting to get scared and confused. Like most young girls do. Then she declares her love, and what's he do? Starts stealing her life energy. Usagi wanders over, and mistakes him for Tuxedo Mask for like two seconds. Sadly, I guess she is still smarter than the average bear, because I'm pretty sure nobody else would have been able to notice that. I mean come on, he's got a top hat and shades. That's a dead ringer right?

Okay, so as soon as she transforms into Sailor Moon, seems Mamoru immediately begins to assume his alter ego, KAMEN RAID- I mean Tuxedo Mask. To some pretty stylin' mariachi music.

Yes. Mariachi music. Complete with frickin' castanets. CASTANETS.

Sailor Moon arrives on the scene, much to Nephrite's surprise.

One, she didn't say that yet. Two, you just told her you
freaking moron. You are a terrible villain.

So she kicks his stylin' hat off, and throws an unconcious girl at his opponent, and begins his assault! Oh, and he's nice enough to tell us that there are four 'greats' of the Dark Kingdom, which tells me there's one other dude who hasn't appeared yet. Oh, and then he does the sieg heil.

Now he starts asking stars for power or some crap, and a giant lion outline becomes a real giant blue lion for our monster of the day. But then the real Tuxedo Mask shows up (complete with casta-frickin-nets), and does his boss-like act. By the way, now he has... a collapsible baton. So threatening.

Lion versus Tuxedo Mask, round one! Fighto! Sailor Moon tosses her crown discus thing though, which amazingly enough does not outright kill the beast! Then she gets shoved into the elevator by Tuxedo Mask, and the lion vanishes. But the elevator is a trap! Oh noes. What will happen when it reaches the roof? Plummet to the ground.

This is your brilliant freaking plan? Seriously? Even worse, Sailor Moon doesn'te ven care that her life is in danger, all she wants is a freaking kiss form the guy. But like a smart person, he realizes there's a way out of the top, and once again the Dark Kingdom is foiled by technology.

Meanwhile in the elevator shaft, Moon is hanging onto Tuxedo Mask, literally for dear life. What better time than to ask why he is always rescuing her! His answer? His blood boils every time she is in danger. Clearly it must but luuuuuurve. He orders her to climb up on his back, and she declares his feelings must be luuuuuuurve.

Then she declares that he must be Motoki. Despite having completely the wrong hair color? Or hair style? Oh but wait, Naru is the only character in this entire goddamn city who can see through a simple disguise. I forgot.

Oh, and he can't help but feel he knew her 'long ago', and that there are memories deep in his mind that he cannot recall. Then he looses his footing, and their lives are in total peril. What's she do? Perfect time to ask about his hobbies and favorite foods.

Priorities.

Oh but just before he loses his grip, the other two scouts and a cat come to the rescue! And it would appear to be the end of the episode? Or is it really? Tuxedo Mask jumps off the roof (like five foot so he's out of their view, hilariously enough), and they are left there dumbfounded.

Finally, back at Beryls' House of Blues, Zoisite tries to get Nephrite executed, but since he actually did something good for a change by bringing back such awesome energy, she'll let it slide. Meanwhile, isn't he supposed to be finding that silver crystal thing? Oh snap, you just got burned son. Your plan is a total failure. Much like your career as a villain thus far.

Lastly, we return to Nephrite's House of Horrors, and he seems to have plans for Naru, and her love of his disguise. Wait, is this actually foreshadowing for future events? My god, it's like they are actually attempting to act like an actual anime for a change. It only took them the better part of an entire season to develop this, of course.

This show really leaves me scratching my head. Honestly, it is really pretty freaking terrible. The writing is just contrived. Yet somehow, it still manages to attract a large fanbase. What is it about this show? It must be all the inconsistencies. Because it tries to take itself seriously, yet makes fun of itself for trying to take itself seriously.

Now I'm just left confused and irritated. I need a drink.