Sailor Moon Episode 20 - The Summer! The Ocean! Our Youth! And A Ghost Too!

Another night, another evening of torture. I've been asked quite a lot lately why it is I'm even doing this. I like to claim it's because bad anime won't watch itself. Or because I feel like it's only just that I reveal to the world how utterly terrible these supposedly god-worshipped anime are.

But some theorize that, on some deeper level, I actually enjoy these shows. Is that the case? Hell no.

So why do I continue to do these things? Well, because it seemed like a good idea at the time. I mean, one of those 'good ideas' that you know is kind of bad but you feel obligated to follow through with it just because it's funny. Only come to find it it is actually far worse than you could have possibly imagined.

It's like MST3K, only without the supporting robot cast. Sigh.

So today's episode.... oh christ. Please tell me it isn't the obligatory beach episode. Please god tell me it isn't the obligatory beach episode.

It's the obligatory beach episode. I already don't want to watch this.

So things I gathered from the episode overview: Beach, filler material, some sort of cave thing. I'm pretty sure I've seen this episode once before. Something about everyone being turned into old ladies by a ghost or some shit like that? Whatever. It's not like the whole thing wasn't spoiled by the first thirty seconds after the opening sequence. Like they do with every episode.

Besides, I am fairly certain this exact plot has been rehashed like, a billion times in anime anyways. So what if they may have done it 'first'? That doesn't necessarily make it good. But whatever, let's get this shit over with.

Today's episode opens with Rabbit and company getting off a train by the ocean. Supposedly Luna claims it was for 'serious Sailor Training'. Yeah. Right. Like anyone would ever believe that. I guess Rei has some kind of 'pension' for a private beach or some crap, and upon hearing this Usagi starts dreaming about Tuxedo Mask on a surfboard. Seriously.

Almost like it was ripped right from an Old Spice commercial.

So as the girls walk, it becomes aparrent that they get entirely lost, because all of them are idiots for listening to the blonde. Suddenly, rainstorm! And Usagi is freaking scared of everything, from lightning to little girls with flowers. In her defense, that kid is pretty creepy.

You'd be a lot cuter without those creepy vacant eyes.
Or that nun habit. Wheer are your parents anyway?

So wonder kid the amazing leads them up to a really creepy looking mansion in the middle of rainstorm. It's like they ripped this whole scene out of pretty much anything Dracula.

The sketch shading is a nice touch. Really drives in home that
'we stole this from classic literature' thing.

What's even better? The place is called "Pension Adams". As in the Addams Family? Oh wait, hold on a second...

What do you know. It is pretty similar. Thank you, Google.

Gee, I wonder how far they're willing to take this joke.

So they pound on the giant door knocker and oh for -

Oh look, it's Morticia, Lurch, and Cousin It.

Seriously, is this show supposed to be funny or serious?! Can they just freaking decide?

Rei and Ami seem pretty okay with living with the Addams Family it seems. Then the father shows up, and while he's not really Munsters ripoff, he does look pretty close to Dracula. Actually, he kind of reminds me of Grandpa from the Munsters... Whatever.

So the creepy old lady decides to knock on Usagi's door whiel standing on a ladder to replace a bulb. Only to tell her dinner is ready? Yeah, that's not messed up at all. Or dangerous. Or in any way not just entirely freaking creepy. Is the entire episode going to go out of its way to be like this, with everyone thinking she's crazy because she is moderately creeped out by the fact that the people living here are just really freaking weird? Spare me, please.

So the father forbids the little girl from getting close to the other girls, which I can't blame them because they let their cat on the freaking dining table. Though I guess that considering that one of the staff is a wolfman, I shouldn't be too surprised. But what's this? Even they are scared of something it seems - a mysterious disembodied crying girl! Gasp. Who would have thought that the scary-looking people would in fact be scared of something. I'm pretty sure I've watched better Scooby-Doo episodes than this tripe. And that's setting the bar pretty low.

So everyone starts screaming suddenly and then there is what looks like an actual ghost! Which vanishes with the lightning. Nobody wants to admit to anything, but Rei doesn't sense evil. Powerful energy, but that's all.

Meanwhile, daddy is hypnotising his daughter to sleep. Yep, that isn't weird at all. Why hypnotize your kid? Because you're a weird person? Or something.

So now we get to the obligatory beach episode! Girls running around on the sand. Beach umbrellas. Sun, surf, and seagulls. And a private beach. A tiny, private, beach, where nobody goes to. How disappointing.

Girl needs something to do to stay awake through all this.

But the rabbit can't be having any of this. Fun time is for fun, studying is for dweebs. So let's spend the next minute pelting the main character with a beach ball ruthlessly. Until we cut to the wolfman howling at the crescent moon. I'm not even joking about that.

Everyone is concerned about being disturbed by a ghost tonight, so Rei sets up talismans, and overhears the other servants talking about some sort of 'secret'. Meanwhile, Ami talks to the little girl who isn't supposed to be talking to strangers. And is possibly hypnotized. Who knows.

So she tries to talk the kid into becoming friends with the ditz. Of course, daddy won't stand for this, and wants the girls out as soon as possible it seems.

I get the feeling she says that a lot.

Oh, but the surprise twist is that this little girl has some incredible psychic power. That her father is attempting to manage through hypnotism? Yes, because that is the smartest idea in the world. So his plan to make people recognize they have psychic powers is to... hypnotize your daughter to forcefully manifest them? But wait, if her powers are so dangerous and you are concerned for her safety... what?

No, seriously, what? How does that make any sense at all?! Is this just something lost in translation? No, he looked pretty concerned for his daughter. But what? Now I'm just plain confused. I guess the writers thought they were beginning to make too much sense and decided to hit the bar before hammering out the rest of the script. I guess you could say they really... hammered that script out.

.... really, did I just stoop that low for a joke? Christ this show brings out the worst in me.

Speaking of terrible jokes, the crybaby is trying to find her friends, and stumbles across the servants worshiping at some weird shrine, and everybody screams. Until Rei shows up and magically makes people stop screaming. But Rei can feel a strange power manifesting, and suddenly this show just went all Poltergeist on us.

Daddy's plan is to... scare the girls away? But seriously, how is that a good idea at all? Ami steps in to try to stop this whole manifestation thing, and daddy has total control or something, and makes the kid's psychic manifestation knock her back. Why does this seem like a terrible idea? Probably because it is.

Of course, mere seconds later, the apparition gets seriously violent with daddy, throwing him all over the place. Because trying to control something powerful with force? That's a brilliant idea. So let's have the girls transform and save the day! Thank god they're making them all transform at the same time, or this would take forever. And the last thing anyone wants is their time wasted.

Says the guy wasting his time watching Sailor Moon. Guh.

So in the name of blah blah punish and justice whatever. Mercury tries to wake up the kid, but she doesn't wanna wake up. Waah. Usagi starts with the instakill tiara, and fails because you just started with your trump card. Sorry kid. Not this time. Speaking of kids, now she is mysteriously awake, but the apparition is still there? It's like we're getting all Shamalyan up in here.

So daddy tells the kid to run, but now the psychic power is totally out of control because the girl didn't want to listen to her father. And now the touching reunion of father and daughter. Pardon me while I don't force tears because you totally hypnotized your kid for your own selfish means.

And just like magic, a hug gives the girl the courage to force her own esper to vanish. Like a boss.

Then comes the deep-seated confession that he forced her to develop her powers, and... used the guests... as part of an experiment?

Anyways they go back to pelting Usagi with a beach ball, and suddenly everything seems right with the world. Because seeing her getting beat  up is probably the only good thing about this episode.

Tune in wednesday, where I subject myself to the next episode. Because I hate myself.