Sailor Moon R Episode 20 - Usagi's Parental Love? A Curry Triangle Relationship

So I'm doing Sailor Moon again. Why? Because it's been a long weekend, and frankly I do not want to deal with that other show yet. And since we're basically up to current with idol wrasslin', this seems like a great opportunity to simply get another example of why Sailor Moon is corrupting our youth out of the way.

Seriously. Why the hell did we think it was good? Were we truly just that stupid?

(On an update-related note, since I missed one update last week I will just continue this tradition of week-long updates ONE MORE WEEK because I TOTALLY HATE MYSELF.)

Today's episode.

Today's episode...

.... today's episode. Is about. Food.

No. It's worse than that.

It's about mother-f***ing CURRY.

And how 'interrupting curry' is the MOST GRIEVOUS OFFENSE.

I just. I don't. How does. Why does. Why would.

Words borken. Too dumb to brain. Send help.

FINE SHUT UP ALREADY!

So today starts up with pinky there bitching up a storm because of some kind of broken promise. The situation? Her class is going to be making curry with their parents. And mom and dad kinda can't go. So it's up to Usagi to save ruin the day once more!

Skiing in the Alps. You understand. We're busy people.

I could be wrong, but I'm fairly certain Usagi is the WORST POSSIBLE CHOICE, considering I recall something about her being a  horrendous cook. Or maybe I'm just confusing this with something else. It's not like it's a recurring theme in these shows or anything.

So little tyke is all "screw that, if she goes nobody goes", and sets down her foot, which is just fine with Usagi, it's not like she likes the brat anyway. And then she looks up at the stars and is all like "man I'll totally do this on my own" then flasbacks to that time she was on a boat with her real mom and dad having dinner and shit and she misses it.

Then Luna is all telling Usagi she's a friggin' idiot for arguing with a little kid who is separated from her folks. Then Usagi goes into the kitchen late at night and witnesses something that nearly makes her vomit.

Or maybe it's just me.

Can we just ask ourselves why, even when they are at home, Chibi-usa never has more than one set of f***ing clothes?! Jesus criminy she is still wearing the same things she fell into this world in, and she has presumably been here for MONTHS now. Get that girl a change of clothes!!

So she's currently failing at dealing with rice, and Usagi witnesses her crying for her mom and dad, and decides to not be a total bitch and ask what is up. Then decides to say, "hey, why don't we just ask Mamoru to come with us to the rice thingy?" and the little girl quickly sees through her plan.

Note, however, that she will not complain about this plan.

Next day, guess who's at Mamoru's door?

Oh look, it's the terrible artwork fairy.

Before he can slam the door in Usagi's face, the little kid shows up and he goes from "GET OUTTA HERE" to "oh come in for some tea". Then he's all like "dudes, I can't do shit, I have this thing called a JOB, I can't just take off to make curry with a kid!" Of course, bubblegum there is all "oh that's fine, I'm being selfish but it's okay, you're only going to be forcing me to stick with someone that is completely irresponsible and barely capable of staying alive, much less do something RIGHT" and he's all "pffft, don't worry, my job means shit, I'll just promise my boss a handie and we'll be cool."

By which he means he will totally call in sick.

But there's one small problem: He doesn't know how to make that shit either. Look at this guy, he lives alone. You think he knows how to cook? Please.

That awkward moment you remember he's in college.

Sadly, this makes Usagi the most qualified person to make curry, so they should go off and get all the ingredients for Curry. Try making it tonight. See what happens.

So over in Rebeus' Powder Room, Petz is pigging out on some cake while Calaveras gives herself a makeover, not-so-modern-Earth-style. She's sticking lemons on her face. Then Bubeus shows up and is all "Hey, found a crystal point" and then the fancy dancy magical image shows up, and guess where it happens to be?

EVERY DAY IS GREAT AT YOUR JU- oh wait wrong one.

Then Petz is off with Calaveras hot on her heels, and back on earth Ami is looking at... a spice book? What? Oh god, all the otehr girls are trying to tell her how to make curry. Makoto is the real cook here, and Minako... well, just see for yourself.

Still smarter than Usagi.

Then they think Minako cut her finger off but it turns out it's just the end of a carrot and everybody laughs the end. Then Usagi gets to work cutting nothing, because that's all she's good for. Then it's off to Jun- I mean the Juban supermarket with Mamoru and Chibi-usa while the little one flashbacks again to people that LOOK NOTHING LIKE THE PEOPLE SHE IS WITH. EPIC FORESHADOWING THERE FOLKS.

You're going to look back on this one day and laugh.

Then she feels all weird and bubbly like this is the most natural thing in the world, and Mamoru feels it too, and then they walk off into the sunset while Luna watches. Eventually, bubblegum there starts yelling at Usagi and they make it to Jun- I mean, that supermarket. Where they are selling. Dark. Fruit.

Jadeite? Zoisite? I'm sorry. Please come back. Please.

Turns out Petz is shit at selling things. Her sister, however, is natural at getting people to buy disgusting looking eggplants by straight up lying. Now they are "mystery fruit", and it's "totally trendy this season", and "black is the most awesome color ever".

I'm going to need a new desk, because this one is about to be destroyed by my face.

It doesn't take too long for them to disagree on men, but they get people eating the fruit at least, and then promptly turning into zombies or something. So their brilliant plan, and I use that term loosely, is to get people to eat the fruit, and then walk around touching all of the other merchandise.

....

That noise you just heard? That loud, shrieking sound reminiscent of a pterodactyl struck by lightning that is falling into a volcano about to erupt? That was me. Sorry. Let's continue.

So the zombies are off to manhandle everything in the store and the commercial break comes up and I am going to hurt myself by the end of this I swear to god.

Now all of the food is dissolving and who should show up but Team Useless, and Luna gets to wait outside because she is a cat and cats are unsanitary beasts. By the time they get in, all the food is spoiling, which is unusual since this place is known for all of its fresh goods, which prompts Mamoru and the brat to leave, while Luna ignores all health and safety regulations to tell her she thinks something weird is up with this store.

What gave it away, the entire rotting stock, or the shuffling zombified customers?

Then Rei shows up when the other two are getting beef, and she gets drafted to take Usagi's place for the curry making, but she's all "man, ask Usagi". But of course no one can refuse a  little girl, and so Rei reluctantly accepts. Back at the store, Luna shows off her mad merchandise-dissolving skills by touching a pot that turns into a pile of shit. Soon, anything touched simply dissolved, and Usagi freaks out because how can she possibly cook anything?

Oh wait there's a carrot.

Rabbit jokes go here.

Then Rei apologizes to the air because she's taking Usagi's place, and then Chibi-usa decides to change her mind, since she doesn't quite feel the same way when she's with Rei as she does with Usagi. Then her psychic powers kick in and she rushes off to the store to help Usagi.

Over at the Devils Fruit Stand, some... really weird things are happening.

This is your monster of the day. She's shedding her clothes now.

Namely, the introduction of one of the dumbest monsters to grace us yet.

You're not even trying now!!

The people collapse and the last carrot dissolves, and Usagi transforms into Sailor Moon because we're beyond the halfway point and it's not like there's anyone left to watch. Angel feathers and all that happy magical star light bullshit and we're finally back just in time to see Luna innefectually hurl herself at the warrior from the banana republic. Don't believe me? Here.

Bana Knife, because a banana knife is just stupid-sounding.

But of course before Luna can get chopped in half with what I can only assume is a machete, Sailor Moon shows up to talk about how supermarkets are fountains of health, and how tainting them is an act of evil and blah blah blah. They say nothing is scarier than a food grudge, and I'd say this one probably qualifies.

And then Sailor Mars shows up in an even stupider manner.

What is this, Jackass?!

Then Avagadora throws an Avagado, or a grenade that is an avacado. God this is just.... idiotic. Not nearly as dumb as how they get saved by Tuxedo Dickhead, who then goes on to say the exact same thing Sailor Moon just said.

Dude sits back waiting to save you, and then steals
your lines too? Not cool dude, seriously not cool.

HE LITERALLY SAID EVERYTHING WORD FOR F***ING WORD. Then he gets locked into mortal combat with Chiquita Banana, and Mars throws a Burning Mandala at the sisters of Darkness, who just sort of slap it down and start arguing over who gets to counterattack. That gives the other Scouts just enough time to magically ninja into position.

I remember back when it was the villains that were more
competent than the heroes... I miss those days.

They promise not to let them get away, and Tuxedo Mask gives Sailor Moon the opening she needs to seal the monster of the day, and of course while this happens the other two villains will just casually go "no bueno!" and get the hell out of Dodge. As soon as they do, everything goes back to normal, and nothing is wrong at all.

Cut to the scene where Usagi is cutting onions and crying and doing a horrible job of making curry. Now comes the moment of truth, and it turns out that it is, in fact, okay curry. The end.

So what did we learn from today's episode? Besides the fact that Mamoru and Usagi are totally not Chibi-usa's parents?

If you can figure what we were supposed to take away from this shit, please let me know. Because I've got no f***ing clue at this point.

... I seriously miss the Beryl days. Sure they were incompetent but sweet Jesus... at least they were the GOOD kind of incompetent. These guys just don't have a damned clue.