Wanna Be the Strongest! Episode 06 - Revenge Match!

I have discovered the terrible secret behind this anime. The horrifying truth that will forever scar me until I draw my final breath.

The animation team behind this show? They're called Arms Corporation. They're well known for producing PORN. Hentai, specifically, but that is PORN NONETHELESS. Some of their more noteworthy projects that they have worked on in some capacity: La Blue Girl Returns, Night Shift Nurses, Words Worth. Y'know, some of the most (in)famous of them all.

But the one thing I cannot abide?

THEY ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR IKKITOUSEN.

I don't give a flying f**k if they helped with Elfen Lied. THEY HELPED BRING THE WORLD IKKITOUSEN AND FOR THAT THEY SHOULD ALL BURN IN HELL.

This is gonna be a long f***ing night.

So if you remember anything from last episode, you'd know that the revenge match for the events that happened at the start of the show is going down today. The fighters are in the ring, and the tension is palpable. Either that or it's strong enough to make you want to fall asleep I really can't tell. The OP starts playing and all I can think is, either they are going to spend half the episode with Sakura screaming, or there will be about five minutes of actual fighting and they will forget what they were supposed to do and instead find some other way to stall.

The bell rings and Sakura avoids being clothes-lined, instead opting to assault her enemy with her breasts, almost damn near bringing her opponent down immediately. Then there's a vicious counter, and the Boston Crab comes up again and let's get ready for five minutes of screaming and totally inappropriate crotch shots.

Single leg pull and she starts to crawl away much to the surprise of her opponent, who for some reason just kind of sits there until she's forced to get off by the ref.

This show, on the other hand, has shown no signs
of improvement since day one.

Sakura realizes that her opponent was going easy on her back in the past, and now it's a no holds barred let's just make her scream as much as possible while displaying her crotch as close to the camera as possible match. Which makes sense when you consider these guys are so used to drawing porn they have NO F***ING CLUE HOW TO DRAW ANYTHING ELSE.

Which explains the shitty production values all across the board.

So she's back in the Boston Crab and she can't move forward, but she also can't give up, despite her crotch being so close to the damn camera every 20 seconds you'd forget you were watching a sports anime. Which this really isn't, I think. They're just using that as a pretense for this show to even be aired.

The ref keeps asking her if she's going to give up but she defiantly declares her stubborn refusal and tries to get back to the edge of the ring, but more wrestling ensues and she continues to scream while they show bulging tits and snatch because, well, why not. Then you get to enjoy the shitty cel-shaded 3D audience that doesn't move or do anything, while she realizes the crowd is cheering and she totally can't give up.

It's at this point I realize they've shown me a close-up of her snatch TEN TIMES now at least. Not only does this add absolutely nothing to the show, it's completely f***ing inappropriate, and I will continue to rail on this show for failing to live up to minimal expectations as much as f***ing humanly possible.

Slowly but surely, Sakura drags herself to the edge, where we get to see the same shots play over and over, and eventually she manages to touch the rope with her head. Which would be pretty badass if this show weren't so absolutely shit. Then Kazama puts her in a swinging sleeper hold, intending to finish her opponent off, then switches to another sleeper hold, and what is she going to do? Black out I guess. After about thirty seconds, she decides to move just before the three count is declared, balling her fist in defiance and struggling with all she's worth, talking about how she will never give up.

More struggling, more screaming, another goddamn rope break, and everyone's thinking "hey this girl is actually kind of bad ass or something". Then there's more pain as Sakura gets thrown about like a ragdoll, slammed into the mat so we can continue to see her crotch because we clearly haven't seen enough of it, then her opponent leaps off the pole to land on top of her, but misses as she rolls around to do her own thing, including pile drivers, Boston Crabs, and pretty much anything they could get away with copying the animations for.

It's amazing how easy this shit is when you just f***ing
trace over GODDAMN EVERYTHING.

Shit they even copy the goddamned lines word for f***ing word. Including rope breaks, sleeper holds, and all, just because they are that f***ing lazy to come up with something the haven't already done.

More panting as both girls just kind of stare each other down tired as shit, and Sweet Diva is all cheering for her and so she does that thing where she slams her opponent over her head again, and she decides it's finally time for some more throwing of her opponent since that's kind of in vogue right now.

Then Hazama straight up decks the shit out of Sakura with a backhand, and passes out, which leaves them with the awkward position of a double KO. Cue the mid-point as they count down.

Sakura wakes up, as the countdown continues, and she starts to hallucinate about her friends - not surprising seeing she just got slammed in the head. But she's awake, Elena is calling for her, and Sakura stands back up because that's the kind of chick she is, and so does her opponent.

More staring, but now Sakura starts dancing in place. doing her idol shit, which totally throws off her opponent. What the hell is this bullshit? She charges in but Sakura is all 'nope gonna suddenly teleport beneath you and beat the shit out of you with DANCE FU MOTHERF***ER". As if she were suddenly some sort of Shonen hero.

They then make their best attempt at a 'dramatic backflip kick' which is now her signature move, complete with slow motion and "gah-ah-ah-ah-ah" and white outs and everything. They even bothered to overlay her idol form here and there just because they were totally not lazy (spoilers: they're totally being f***ing lazy).

By the way, that move? It's called THE ICE CREAM SOMERSAULT.

WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM?!

Then Kazama is down for the count, what with getting clocked in the jaw with her f***ing FOOT. Now all that's left is to pin the opponent, and the three count goes down, allowing Sakura to finally win a match. The crowd goes wild, and I merely let loose a stifled yawn.

Her friends go and cry out for her and she's all just like "I am going to lay here for the next two minutes while they overlay other shit happening because they want to pretend we can tell the difference between all this shit", and Kazama has to deal with losing to a damned idol. She then gets up to take the mic, and admit that she has, in fact, gotten hella strong, and graciously accepts her defeat, while in addition acknowledging that idols? They got some kick.

But then she drops the plot-bomb.

My god this plot! It is as brilliant a Shamalyan twist
as you will ever seen. That was sarcasm.

Now that Sakura has beaten Kazama, what will she do next? The entire stadium listens in rapt attention, and she decides to pick up the mic to answer - all while we are treated to so many lovely flashback sequences from THE LAST THREE EPISODES. She also talks about how she's gotten stronger, and after today's match, she's decided that she wants to keep winning, to continue growing stronger, because she loves the wrestling of pros. The crowd goes wild, and her friends are shocked that she doesn't want to make a drastic career change yet again.

Totally gonna be the one you masturbate to tonight?
Yeah, we already figured that one.

Now that Sakura isn't coming back, what is Sweet Diva supposed to do? Oh, right, keep doing that thing they've been doing clearly. Kazama declares that next time, Sakura won't win, and they shake hands and are suddenly the best of f***ing friends. Cue the photo flash bulbs and Elena missing and we're at the end of this gigantic pile of wasted f***ing time.

I can honestly say I've seen better hentai than this shit. You know what else I can say?

I'VE SEEN BETTER HENTAI PRODUCED BY THIS VERY F***ING STUDIO.

So f**k you, f**k your dog and f**k your wife and f**k your lonely-ass apartment because two of those things probably don't even exist. I hate you and your generic f***ing character designs, but most of all I F***ING HATE THE WAY YOU CONTINUE RE-USING THE SAME GOD DAMNED SHOTS NO MATTER WHAT THE SITUATION.

This show is the cancer that is killing anime.

Well, that and any popular shonen series.

But mostly this.