The Qwasar of Stigmata Episode 08 - Atomis of Two Faces (Part 1)

Part of me hoped that I had actually lost this show over the course of the last week. Then I could complain about how stupid I was, and say something about my lack of a proper filing system, laugh it off and then promise to continue the show but never actually continue it because I'd pick up a show far less horrible than this to take its place.

I think that's the part of me one might consider 'sane'.

It's a very small part, I assure you. So who wants to find out just how much worse this already atrocious show can be? I guess I do.

So today's episode begins with... you know, I just. I don't even. I can only assume that there are some dudes performing some sort of sick and twisted scientific experiments at the crotch of the world. Not gonna lie, those big brown things in the background look like giant hairs.

If anyone can explain how any of this shit makes sense...
please don't tell me. I don't want to know.

They're talking about how soma is the 'nectar of life' and whoever this girl is will be sacrificed as bait for the Qwasar or something, and uh... yeah they're gonna kill her I guess because that's a very Christian-like thing to do. They also call her the 'daughter of the adepts' like that's supposed to mean something to me.

Then some other chick is like "yeah I'm cool with this" and the girl they have hanging from the whatever that thing is goes "Yu?" and Yu is all "Shut up Aoi you are tied up I am not let's just get our murder on and be on our way".

Okay so after stripping the girl and taking off her mask this girl-guy named Yu starts playing with the girl's tits and she's all "no brother!" and he's all "HUEHUEHEUEHUE" and starts suckling those nips and of course that's where we come into the intro because THAT WAS SUPER DRAMATIC.

Why does Japan love all the incest? Seriously, why? I don't get it. Why is it a thing that is almost always a thing in their shows? Why is it even a thing to begin with PERIOD?

We begin the show anew as the bell tolls at the school grounds and Mafuyu finds out something has changed at the school.

Oh great it's sir Tinderflint.

After briefly introducing himself and letting the entire class stare at Mafuyu, he immediately goes into his lecture and stares intently at her and Sasha. Which is a name I still don't really understand since his real name is Aleksander but you know what, screw it. We're not doing that again. You know what we are doing?

That thing where the entire female body wants to doooo him.

Somehow the only people immune to this charm are Mafuyu, Tomo, Pinkie-pie and that class president nobody gives a shit about. But as you can imagine, he really couldn't care less about any of those students, because the one he really wants to talk to is Mafuyu.

THE MAN WAS LIVING IN A SHACK FOR YEARS
ALONE IN THE MOUNTAINS. THIS IS NOT A 'COINCIDENCE'.

Of course, she is completely blind to common sense and doesn't think it strange at all that a guy who spent YEARS living by himself in the mountains would suddenly get a job at her school teaching her class might be just a little bit suspicious. He says it must be God's will and then we cut to some other dudes talking about Qwasars. Something about a 'steel' user and how he will 'rust' them and all will be fine.

I really get the feeling they're never going to tell us what this
'thing' they are looking for actually is.

Turns out that Yu, the green haired douche there, has control over Oxygen.

Oxygen.

Considering last episode we had someone that could control Helium, I'm really not surprised at this. What I am surprised by is the fact that NOBODY IN THE WORLD KNOWS ABOUT THIS SHIT. One or two, maybe five, okay. BUT HOLY SHIT it's like EVERYBODY IN THE GOD DAMNED WORLD can control something or other. They're going to eventually run out of shit people know and start picking random elements off the periodic table soon.

Then dude's sister shows up and he vanishes or something and we get back to the house where Mafuyu is bringing dinner to the table. The doorbell rings and we have guests for tonight, though it seems Teresa is absent for some reason.

They are totally not going to attack you later.

It only takes about five seconds for Tomo to laugh about having her breasts molested by the girl sitting next to her and I guess they're not going to be very subtle about this whole 'Qwaser' situation.

In what universe, may I ask you, do people you have just met just casually grope the hell out of you? And if this is the case, why do I not live in that universe because holy crap it would be great to just meet someone and grab handfuls of boobs and not get attacked for it. Because that's what would usually happen. But not in this parallel universe, for some reason.

So while those two have fun Mafuyu and Ootori are busy talking about how surprised they both are at the whole being in the same place thing. Sasha is just an asshole like always and Tomo finally manages to get two words out and asks about his cologne. Seems that it was the same kind of cologne that her dad used.

Now they serve beef stew and Sasha gets upset because he is eight years old and clearly doesn't understand the concept of being grateful someone is bothering to even cook for your punk ass to begin with you entitled little shit. Also, this meal isn't about him, it's about the guests, who happen to really like stew.

Though this is the perfect time for them to showcase tension between the two Qwasars because why not.

I like a good stew myself.

Sasha turns his spoon into a nice little shiv and gets attacked with a pot lid from Mafuyu, who doesn't seem to think the fact that he is using his powers so flippantly is... well, you know. STUPID.

WHEN THE HELL DID YOU GET HERE?!?!

Literally, more guests just show up out of nowhere.

SERIOUSLY HOW DID YOU EVEN GET IN HERE.

What's her name is all "what, you thought you'd just throw a party for the teacher and not expect me to show up?" and Mafuyu is all "uh, nobody invited you, this is literally a private thing".

Actually the problem lies with this entire show, but thanks
for trying anyways.

She goes on to say something about how the teacher should be 'impartial' to all the students and... I have no f***ing idea what she is even going on about. At this point, I'm pretty sure she's just making shit up to excuse the fact that she is lonely.

When did you become 'old friends' because I'm pretty sure
you've spent the majority of your life trying to make
sure that she and her REAL friend were miserable.

It doesn't take long for her to get totally distracted, however, when she discovers the girl who saved her life (who she thinks is a guy) is sitting at the table eating like a complete pig. Though, I have to admit, her being distracted does cause some genuine hilarity to occur.

Shits given = zero.

But of course since she thinks she is a guy she gets all dreamy and shit before shaking back to reality and declaring that no she totally does not want to join them for dinner and. Uh. You know what let's just move onto the next scene maybe that will make more sense.

Oh right it's that scene where all the girls are going to have a bath together. Because we haven't had enough of that lately. Baths really are important to this show for some reason. I'm going to say it has a lot to do with maintaining their teenage viewership.

I just wanted to put this here.

I guess the bath is less one class rep and Mafuyu though, so at least we don't have to go through that hell. Sasha is still at the table drinking tea and the class rep is just kinda sitting around, because I guess she doesn't want to take a bath with other people. Ootori... leaves I guess, and says to have the girl come home when she's done, and walks off alone to talk to a shadowy figure in the darkness.

PRIEST FIGHT PRIEST FIGHT.

They have a nice little chat. You know, making sure he's not working for those crazy people, or that they are both looking for the same thing, and maybe they could work together or something who knows? Not that any of these things are ever going to be confirmed of course so they move onto the next topic: The girl he came with. Who knows nothing about Sasha. Cool. It's time to see some boobs now as all the other girls are in the bath.

Oh yeah and even though she clearly can see that Niche is a girl (what the hell is with these nicknames that make no sense?!) pink still refers to her as "him". And "he" doesn't seem to remember what boobs she suckled upon, much to the rich girl's horror.

Cue the naked freakout on the floor.

So now we are switching between the class rep sitting at the table alone and naked girls fondling each other in the bath. Or... swimming on a tile floor. Oh, is she gonna cry? Yeah, she's crying. Oh waah. Let's go see what Teresa is up to.

Turns out some punk girls are beating up some punk guy and... uh. Oh my god what.

She is truly hallucinating now.

I guess Hana is the leader for these punk girls. And. She is completely losing it now. She is seeing a naked devil version of herself. Well. Naked in a sense I guess. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!?!

WHY ARE ONLY THE BREASTS EXPOSED?!??!?

About five seconds later devil-her is humping her face, and I'm just left wondering what her friends must be thinking, watching their friend just suddenly stand there sounding as though she is creaming her panties after stopping them from having beat the living shit out of some dude.

Oh but some dude has found her and decided to make her his own.

Don't you belong in some other show or something?

Teresa sees this occur however, and he walks away with Hana after making everyone nearby pass out.

A phone rings and someone answers it. Little goth girl sleeps in the nude and is somehow getting a live video feed on her phone of Hana being, well, molested by some dude. So what's she do?

SHE PUTS IT ON THE BIG SCREEN TV.

Let's just ignore that this isn't even remotely possible with that kind of phone. She actually wants to get a better look at this shit. While still naked, of course.

Guess we'd better switch to something hilarious now, right? What's funny? Oh right making a tomboy wear girly clothes.

Yeah that never gets old.

She talks about how her butt feels breezy and they laugh and Sasha is all grumpy cat and walks off. Then it is revealed that he skipped all the grades because he is super smart, so what's Liz/Niche/Arthur have to say? That makes him a Midget Upperclassman.

Oh no you called him short.

The bell rings though and interrupts any fight they might have had, and she is all 'we should fight after school!'

Then Sasha gets a letter in his locker, and is about to tear it up but Mafuyu stops him and makes him read it. Then Tomo is all "hey are you actually okay with this?" to which our heroine is like "whatchoo talkin' bout Willis?"

I get the feeling that isn't a love letter though, but he decides to go see whoever sent it.

Time for some more breast sucking! As if you hadn't gotten enough of it this episode we need to see that Yu kid drinking like crazy. He is all on top of this and Hana is all dressed like a cat and chained with a collar. But then goth girl shows up and is all "yeah totes gonna punish you girl" and Hana is all "OH GOD YES PUNISH ME".

Then the Qwasars talk for a minute about how he knew about her and that's why he did this and she's all like "yeah I don't actually give a shit about her anymore but since you called me out I decided to show up". Then he does a windy thing because I guess Oxygen gives you control over the wind, and she freaks out because she realizes he is Atomis.

He makes all her little copper things just melt away and then starts choking Hana by stealing all of her oxygen (how original), and it make Katja realize that she might be sorta screwed here. But then she charges in and gets... blown away or something?

I'm sorry what now?

He made a 'wall'. Of 'compressed oxygen'.

You know. I get the distinct feeling that the people who wrote this shit don't actually understand science all that well. Despite trying to use sciencey things to justify their bullshit 'magic' powers.

Compressed oxygen. Wind control. None of that makes ANY F***ING SENSE AT ALL.

Oh and because he can control oxygen I guess it means he can JUST CREATE FIRE OUT OF NOWHERE.

That... that isn't how ANY of this works.

He decides he's had enough of this playing around by Hana comes at him from behind and dives into the fire to try and get Katja out, who is all "you should run" and he's all "yeah just gonna fry all you bitches".

But Teresa shows up with a bow and arrow and straight up starts jacking people's shits with explosive-tipped arrows or something. But all of this was to draw her out I guess, and he pretty much takes her down real fast, and asks her to tell Sasha something.

So now it's time for Mafuyu and Tomo to see who it is that Sasha is meeting after school, butts hanging out of the bushes.

Some sacrifice.

He's all talking tough and being like "yeah I should just kill you now" but she starts crying and shit and then... tackles him to the ground. Then she asks him to please get rid of her brother. End of the episode!

I get it. I finally understand. They were clearly reading A Certain Magical Index, and decided that they could improve upon the formula. With boobs. Lots. And lots. Of Boobs.

Except they forgot the part where the guy who writes that does this thing called RESEARCH and makes sure that the shit he is spewing is actually well thought out.

Compressed Oxygen walls...

I'm going to beat someone in the face over this. I swear.

THIS SHOW IS STUPID.