The Qwasar of Stigmata Episode 09 - Atomis of Two Faces (Part 2)

I am not drunk enough to be watching this show.

Of course, I'm also not drinking at all. Lord knows that would make this all that much more painful. But I get the distinct feeling that even if I did have alcohol in front of me, it wouldn't be enough.

It would never be enough.

As memory serves, this is part two of a crappy part series. Which is itself part of a crappy series.

Someone shoot me if I ever find something good to say about this show. Thanks.

Anyway they pick it up almost where they left off but not really but sort of.

Oh goody, more freaking bondage bullshit.

Turns out crazy asshole has Teresa upside down for whatever reason. And her arms tied back behind her head I really don't know what that's about but I guess someone heard bondage gear was something you could use to raise the viewer count.

Predictably he rips off her top and starts sucking away because that's what this show does. Or did you forget already?  Anyways he's all like "give it up to me hurr hurr" and she's all "I gave my body to Athos" and he's all like "Man you taste like shit."

Actually his exact words are "I hate that. That spiky taste of your soma."

How something can taste spiky I just... I don't. I don't know. Don't ask me. We've already established just how full of shit this show is. Then blonde dude from that one time is standing outside and creepy smiles and we get our intro.

WHAT IS THIS EVEN ABOUT I DON'T. JUST. JUST STOP.
STOP IT. NO MORE. PLEASE GOD MAKE IT END.

A minute and a half into this thing and I want to quit already. There have GOT to be shows less painful than this to watch out there. There have to be. Horrible shows are are a cut above this. Why in the name of christ would anybody ever watch this shit?

Just. I mean I get the whole horny teenaged boy demo. But one would think that they MUST have grown up enough, to have been raised intelligent enough to recognize this for the crap that it is. The senseless pandering. In this age of the Internet, where you don't have to pay for porn, where you can just see the good shit without any pretense of story in its full animated glory, WHY WOULD YOU EVER SUPPORT THIS?!

Queen's Blade at least had a somewhat coherent storyline. Yes, it was a pretty bad show. But frankly, it was one of those shows that did something a bit different and was kind of fun. This is everything BUT that.

Oh, the intro is over? We're cutting right back to where last episode actually left off with the girls spying on that other girl tackling the guy? Oh okay. I guess we'll get back to that now. She's all crying and shit and he's like "huh okay" and Mafuyu is attempting to murder everyone in the kitchen suddenly. Then Sasha sees she burnt his borscht and he's like "wow you burnt it what a letdown that is the only thing you are good at" and then she demands someone make her a new cooking pot.

... and then Tomo suggests Katja do it because she can use copper which is way better (and more expensive).

Uh. Nothing?

Then Aoi (I think that's her name since family names are first) comes in with what looks like a cake box or whatever and introduces herself by kneeling down on the kitchen floor. And putting the food on the floor. I was completely unaware that this was a thing in Japan because people walk on that shit. Whatever.

They have sponge cake for dinner and Aoi takes the bit of 'creme' Sasha has on his mouth off with her finger and licks it and of course this creates the requisite amount of controversy for forcing the awkward tsundere love subplot they've been subtly hinting at like an eighteen wheeler on an icy road heading straight for a little old lady crossing the street.

Like I said. Subtle.

She then apologizes and says that because she was the younger sister that's a thing she always did for her brother.

I am this close. THIS CLOSE. This close to just straight up losing my shit and throwing this show back onto the PILE OF ASS THAT SHOULD NEVER BE WATCHED AGAIN. There are limits to what a man's sanity can take. LIMITS I TELL YOU.

Just. Just. Just stop breathing. Please. Stop it. Right this
very instant. Cease and desist. No more.

Then right as red mentions how Sasha is acting different around this girl by bringing home some skank that done wrote him a letter, Aoi goes to explain and Sasha's all "you don't gotta tell her shit" because it isn't as if he ever tells her anything to begin with in the first place.

So she straight up is all "man you is making me jelly" and he's like "yo bitch, this here is a thing between us people."

Can we get to the part where everyone gets murdered
in a jealousy-filled fit of rage? Pleeeeease?

Then Mafuyu is all making the comments about him still being breastfed and he takes it super cereal, and he demands Aoi stick around tonight. To sleep in his room. Because, y'know. Whatevs.

Then these two finally show up. Who noticed they were
missing? Nobody? Oh, cool. You're great roommates.

Then we get to see that chick from the school clinic who hasn't been seen since like, episode one? She actually has talking parts? Who'd have thought.

It really is a shame, you were doing so well staying away
from this show before.

Anyways neither of the girls is in any danger and Aoi tries to go away but Sasha is all like "I will keep my promise" and those other two butt in to see them holding hands and Sasha is all "this got nothing to do with you".

A nonexistent one.

Katja wakes up eventually and they talk about how Atomis has Teresa. Oh and Aoi tells the other girls and Father Starwind about her brother. And how the evil organization she is a part of takes possibly Qwasars and subjects them to insane training of children beating one another and then I guess they maybe become superhuman.

Oh and once he became a Qwasar he straight up flipped his shit.

I HAVE BEEN SAYING THIS FOR THE LAST EIGHT EPS.

Oh and it looks like Aoi's hand is bleeding or something. Now we get to see some flowers and high rise buildings while we listen to Wonderboy talk about Nitrogen, Oxygen, Argon, and Carbon Dioxide. And how these are the most powerful Qwasars because they have materials to use literally everywhere.

WHOA STOP MAN YOU ARE BLOWING MY MIND!

We go away from Sasha and Katja and go back to the girls getting Aoi's hand bandaged up lazily. For some reason she seems to hurt herself without noticing, then apologizes and asks Mafuyu what her deal is with Sasha. And changes her voice and becomes THAT DUDE INSTEAD. PLOT TWIIIIIISTO.

Yeah. This is actually happening.

So she/he leaps out the window as Sasha runs in to save the day and winds up chasing her to the abandoned place where Teresa is bound up practically naked. He lets her down and whatever dickmunch's name is at this point is all "oh hey she's still alive cool" and the other two girls show up as she's about to pull down his panties to reveal he has no peener.

Yeah I don't get what's going on at this point either really.

Says the girl who tries to molest her adopted sister.

It is revealed that when he suckled on his sister all those years ago she woke up and found everyone was dead, because of her. And she flipped her shit and pretended to be her brother I guess? I dunno. Oh and I guess he if gets hold of the MacGuffin they've been namedropping since day one, he can finally be something or other. Okay, sure bro. Whatever.

It's fighting time and Sasha runs up and tries to do the cutting with the scythe thing and keeps Mafuyu from getting hurt because he cares or something. Then the roof falls and the floor collapses but he manages to keep her from falling into the ground while Tomo somehow managed to get her hands on Teresa.

Then Katja wakes up and wakes up her servant and is all "yo I wanna suck on you in front of this priest" and she goes "oh okay". Then she decides this one's a keeper for now. Oh and she says something about the quality of Soma reflecting on a person's character whoopdie f***ing doodles.

So Mafuyu wakes up and discovers she is alone with Sasha, who is crying and talking in shitty Rusianspeak. So what's Mafuyu do? Prepares to pop dat top of course.

Oh and that other bro is still around and looking into puddles and having total mental breakdowns and talking to him/herself about ending all this shit. Oh and then he feels up his sister with glowy hands in his imagination and attempts to go super saiyan.

So after almost completely stripping both herself and Sasha, she pops that bra and forces him to drink like the baby he is. There's touching music and some bullshit picture that looks like that one we've been seeing since the beginning of this f***ing show and of course Father Gene is there to give us the exposition bomb.

OH GEE YEAH THAT WASN'T IMPORTANT UNTIL NOW.

Oh but then he says even more powerful than that is 'love'. Oh god I think I'm vomiting.

Sasha is now fully clothed and wakes up, and Mafuyu is also clothed and yelling at him for being such a screwup and denies having done anything for him.

So he... I dunno, forges a sword in some nearby water or something, and the wind kicks up. The Qwasars face off, and he attempts to appeal to Aoi, and declares that he'll fulfill that promise.

And now he cuts the wind with a black sword and it is discovered the blade is made of... black rust?

Eh, Google seems to think it's an actual thing. Black Rust is something that actually can occur, but it's usually a mill finished thing, so one wonders why he never bothered to try doing this before.

So they fly around the in air and land on the ground and dude is all like "totes gonna kill you now" and tries to turn Sasha's blade to dust but.... I guess he suddenly breaks through somehow and is all "hah now I am close and you can't control your powers that close to yourself". For... some reason. He proves Sasha wrong though and... hold on what?

Okay. Sure. Awesome. Whatever.

Blah blah dude just gave him a stainless steel blade after it reacts to oxygen or something.

I'm trying not to cry right now. It is so very, very hard. So goddamn hard.

Once more he is all "your sister made me promise to defeat you" and Yu... accepts his fate suddenly after not giving two shits about what his sister said? And then Mafuyu strolls up and is all NOPE CAN'T KILL ANYONE?

WHAT IS GOING ON IN THIS SHOW ANY MORE. MY GOD WHAT. NOW THEY ARE FIGHTING ABOUT KILLING THE MASS MURDERER. Who now takes Mafuyu hostage and is about to windy something everyone. But then copper tentacles happen adn run the boygirl through, and grabs Mafuyu and jets having gotten her revenge, and Sasha finally glows red on the face and runs the bitch through.

Oh and for some reason the sword just vanishes. No reason. Then a magical white explosion happens, and Sasha is all "the Sasha the Martyr destroyed the heretical Qwasar. That's all I ever did."

I'm glad someone understands it because I just got lost.

Then he is all "those two were a lot like me an Olja" and they end the episode on this note.

... I've seen some bad endings in my time, but what exactly just happened? What was being said there at the end? Why did I ever bother trying to watch this show?

All of these questions and I'll probably never get an answer for them.

... I think I need a drink.