Sailor Moon Episode 33 - The Final Sailor Senshi, Venus, Appears!

You ever have one of those times where you predict something, and then hate yourself later because it winds up becoming true? Yeah, well remember that time I said this show was going to show up in my dreams?

... yeah I hate myself for saying that because it actually happened last night.

I'm a little bit rusty on my Lovecraftian horror stories, but I'm fairly certain this is beginning of the descent into certifiable madness.

Thanks to the episode preview, we find out that Sailor Moon is now a celebrity. Although she swings around like Spiderman, and looks an awful lot like Zoisite. Oh dear god what is this.

I WILL DEVOUR YOUR SOUUUUUUUL.

Oh, also, this fake winds up stabbing Tuxedo Mask, drawing all of the scouts into a trap, which manages to summon the last of the sailor scouts - even though we only get to see her for like, half a second, at least this one is promising a good amount of actual plot development.

Which means the next four episodes are likely to be filler hell. Lovely.

Also, I'm not certain, but at some point, Sailor Venus seems to have shown up in the intro. Was it always like that? Fairly sure that she wasn't, which I find interesting. At the moment, I am much too lazy to look into it however - maybe between this post and the next I will dig into it a little more thoroughly to see when she actually showed up.

Today's episode begins in Beryl's House o' Fire. Which she probably didn't start, seeing as how it's been burning since the world was turning. Inside, the bosslady is viewing the playback of Nephrite's final stand, and for some reason, we get a very large closeup of her chest.

NEXT TIME, GADGET. NEXT TIIIIIIIIME!

As much as I approve of that shot, why was it necessary? To see her shaking her fist? Couldn't that have been accomplished in a much more efficient manner? Also, the anatomy on her breasts is really weird and I think I'll just stop analyzing right there because this is beginning to go into very uncomfortable territory. Moving along.

So eventually the bosslady has seen enough, and asks Zoisite what exactly is the deal with all of this. I guess using minions to jump someone else on the team is probably bad form? Ah, but his point in bringing these scenes up is to point out that she almost always gets rescued by, pause for dramatic effect: TUXEDO MASK. Well gee, who didn't notice that? Today, his brilliant plan is to lure out Tuxedo Mask by placing Sailor Moon in peril, so as to jack his crystals.

... basically, you're just going to do the same thing you always do, except you're going to plan for interference? Holy shit, it's almost like the threat of being killed off is forcing him to actually think about this whole situation logically, for a change. Which means he's totally going to fail and die.

She means it this time. We hope.

Oh but his sexy brother walks in, and gives him some sagely advice. By which I mean to say, he offers to keep the sailor scouts from interfering while Zoisite deals with Tuxedo Mask. Again, this is making entirely too much sense! It's like they are actually treating their opponents as if they were legitimate threats, and executing plans to ensure these things proceed according to plan.

Yet for some reason, they still have like, a thousand guys who just stand around in the background doing nothing. Couldn't you just invade the city and take everything by force...?

Well, Beryl okays the plan, and now the brotherly lovers head off.

Back in the real world, someone is holding up a convenience store with a shotgun! How very impractical, but incredibly dangerous so we're going to let that slide because robbery at gunpoint isn't something to laugh at. Unless you're doing it horrible wrong, of course. Then it's hilarious.

Oh but then Fake Sailor Moon shows up with her boomerang, and beats the hell out of the robber, and gets on the news. Clearly this is going to cause some issues. In the meantime, the real one is busy eating crepes with Mako, and in a nearby library, some window washers just happen to be cleaning the window that Mamoru is standing on the other side of, when magical shards sever their ropes, causing the platform to begin falling.

It's almost like Tokyo is this impossibly tiny city where everyone runs into one another all the time.

Clearly this grabs everyone's attention, but then Fake Moon swings in like spiderman, saving one of the guys from pancaking on the sidewalk. This has two very odd side effects: One, Mamoru is convinced that she is the real Sailor Moon (despite wearing THE WRONG COLORS), and that this person caused the incident to occur in the first place (which... actually is correct in a sense). Secondly, it reduces Usagi to a bawling, infantile state.

It's the 33rd episode and still nobody likes you. You've just
been replaced. Didn't you get the memo?

Mako has the right idea though, and OH SWEET JESUS WHAT IS THIS?

How small is this town anyway?!

Let's see: Looks exactly like the girl from the intro, has a white cat that looks exactly like Luna but is white... yeah. You're not gonna fool anyone with this. She just blinks a couple of times, then we go back to Fake Moon who is now doing the Batman thing, leaping from building to building.

I am justice. I am the night. I'm the goddamned Sailor Moon.

Out at the dockyards, Kunzite awaits everyone to show up, and as totally predictable, everyone shows up. All the girls in one group, cat in tow, and then that other dude somewhere else. The girls wonder to themselves if this fake Moon could be the final warrior.

Probably not if you're copying someone else.

Then there's a scream, and everyone goes tearing off where we see... oh what.

Suddenly, I feel very, very uncomfortable, because you
know that fake is totally Zoisite.

So the real scouts want to jump into action, prompting a massive transformation sequence from everyone! When was the last time that ever happened? Honestly, I'm not sure if it actually has happened before this point, where they all transform at the same time, in the same place, on-screen. And before the halfpoint even. The pacing in this episode is truly something else. Dare I suggest it's even halfway decent?

Ah, but then the halfway marker comes up, but that's okay because we have a whole twelve minutes left to do things.

The Real Sailor Moon shows up, and is affronted that someone should tie up a girl, and the other girls show up for the first full-team intro that I can remember. Then Kunzite makes his little introduction, and pretty much separates them all with an evil dark bubble. Well, that was effective.

It would seem that Rei's fire is not very effective against dispelling the darkness, and a hail of exploding rubber ball things rains down from the heavens.

Dude, he nullified like, one attack. Pull yourself together.

Of course, Jupiter's prediction turns out to be right as he turns up the heat a little bit by shrinking the barrier, after absorbing yet another attack. Things don't look very good, oh but look at who is finally making his late appearance, it's Tuxedo Mask. Though, he's concentrating on the fake Moon at the moment.

If you have to ask that question, the answer is YES.

Now he's off to do his hero thing, cuts down the fake Moon, and narrowly avoids an exploding crane. Oh, then he gets stabbed in the back, quite literally, and next comes the reveal. A very disturbing one at that.

Yes, his clothes just straight up FELL OFF.

Turns out, Zoisite is, in fact, the one crossdressing, and is anyone actually surprised by this? I mean, the dude is fair girlier than the one he was portraying for crying out loud. Plus, he cries like a girl anyways.

Now begins the game of cat and mouse, where Tuxedo Mask, injured, has to avoid his pursuer, and Kunzite is busy preparing to turn all of the girls into sardines. Of course, their powers are still utterly ineffective, and the barrier grows smaller. Gee, why can't the villains always be this effective?

Elsewhere, Zoisite starts wrecking the warehouse, and knocks off Tuxedo Mask's.... Mask! Which causes Beryl to damn near cream herself I think.

Finally, something good on TV!

Then someone calls out with a Crescent Beam, and his target vanishes! But who is that mysterious girl? Totally not Sailor V I'm sure.

Sure of his victory, Kunzite continues to torture the girls, but his brother comes in to warn his brother that a new challenger has appeared. Injured, Tuxedo Mask can do little to actually save the girls, and eventually decides to reveal himself.

After a very rousing speech on how you should know when to give up, as given by one cowardly Zoisite (an expert in these matters), the mysterious heroine appears yet again, espousing the virtue of never, in fact, giving up.

Gee, there's a face we haven't been seeing since the first episode.

Introducing herself as Sailor Venus, she pretty much slaps the shit out of Kunzite's hands, dispelling the barrier and prominently showing off her... assets. Oh, and Sailor Moon calls her out for being Sailor V. Then we get the OTHER talking cat.

This is so inherently cheesy, but... I actually like his voice.

This new cat then leaps down, and says hi to Luna, who recognizes him as Artemis. Considering the two were brother and sister in mythology, that is again not a  very large surprise, but at least the entire cast is assembled. It just took them thirty-three freaking episodes to do it.

However, in a very surprising turn of events, Beryl orders her minions to withdraw, and they do so, but not before telling them they will meet again. Then Tuxedo Mask goes running off, and we enter the final scene, where all the girls and cats are all like "yay, we're a group, how awesome", and everyone stares at Sailor Venus for like, a billion years before Moon asks if Venus is, in fact, the Moon Princess.

Do we get an answer? Of course not, it's the end of the episode, what are you crazy or something?

This is the second episode I have watched thus far that was not, in fact, inherently painful to observe. It has all the virtues of a good show - decent pacing, fast plot development, and zero terribly-designed monsters. In fact, there wasn't even a monster of the day, in an amazing turn of events.

If I'm lucky, maybe the next episode will be half as good. Somehow, I really kind of doubt it however.

Tune in Friday, when I probably begin to accumulate a backlog of posts again, because I'll probably be able to take on more than a single episode in a single sitting.