Sailor Moon Episode 35 - Memories Return! Usagi and Mamoru's Past

It's kind of a funny thing y'know, I think I might be on the verge of getting sick. I could attribute that to a lot of different things, but odds are, forcing myself to watch this show probably isn't the best idea I could have.

Still though, the last one wasn't so bad, right? Surely, there could well be some hope for this show actually moving towards it goals quickly, right? I mean, hell, they just finally revealed that magically the person the show is based around is, spoiler alert, the princess of the freakin' moon.

Come to think of it, that might not be such a great thing. Have you seen the moon lately? It's kind of, um, empty these days.

Oh yeah, and there was a thing about Tuxedo Mask dying, but probably not? Might as well see where this leads us.

Right, so within the first five seconds of the 'this is what you'll expect to see', Usagi asks herself, "Am I the princess?" Holy crap we are dealing with a mind like a steel trap kids. On the ball, this one is. Prime material for being a leadership figure. Anyway, looks like Zoisite finally kicks the bucket, and there's a fight against Kunzite. All around, it couldn't be so bad, right?

Right?

... must resist rising temptation to hum along with theme song. Oh god.

Okay, so we get a 'this is what just happened in the last half of the last episode' bit, just like the last one. Just in case you didn't watch the last episode, or, I dunno, have forgotten.

... wouldn't it make more sense to put that, maybe before you tell people what's going to happen this episode? Now I'm just starting to get confused.

So, like with last episode, we pick up literally where we left off, and Luna's head starts glowing like crazy, and everyone's shocked that, congratulations, that thing you were looking for was right there the whole time.

Sadly, the princess you are looking for is not in another castle.

Then there's also the revelation that, hey Rei, your boyfriend is Tuxedo Mask, and totes crushing on your leader/princess/friend. That's not going to mess with her mind at all I bet. Nope. Then Zoisite gets all pissy and tries to kill everyone, again, before he gets a royal backhand from the wand.

Now we're calling blondie Serenity, and Mamoru's real name is Endymion. With that revelation, explosions of golden light and cherry blossoms all around, and I have to wonder if we've suddenly stumbled into Fire Emblem because wow, Endy ol' buddy, that is a pretty swanky cape you have going on there.

I saw a live action movie like this once. I get the feeling
this won't be followed up by everyone getting naked though.

Right, so in the flashback, he gives her a locket, they hug, everything sets on fire, he pulls his sword and flies off to what I presume is the palace, sword in hand. No, walking is too good for this guy, he's gotta friggin' fly there. Then there's some screaming, and Serenity keeps freaking repeating his name for like, fifteen times in a row.

Oh, then she returns to being Sailor Moon. Wait, huh? I guess having your memories come back is a painful thing, since she's passed out. You know who isn't passed out? Zoisite, who is joined by his gay brother lover. Or is it lover brother? I'm not sure how these relationships are supposed to work at all.

Dude just showed up and you're already...? Ugh.

He tells his brother that Sailor Moon is Princess Serenity, and all the girls get all 'grrr' and prepare for a fight that doesn't come, because Kunzite just kinda teleports Tuxedo Mask/Mamoru/Endymion/Jerkface away.

How many freaking names do these characters need anyways?

Back at Beryl's Storehouse of Sacrilege, she seems kind of pissed that the Silver Crystal fell into the hands of the newly-revealed princess. Though, she can only be so angry at Kunzite for this disgrace, since it's Zoisite she's really angry with. Turns out, trying to kill the person your boss told you to kidnap is the sort of thing that puts you at odds with them. Beryl doesn't do well with defiance. Kunzite tries to take responsibility for his brother's actions but, well, that doesn't turn out so good.

Whoops too late, sorry.

Zoisite lets out the most grin-inducing girly scream of horror I have ever heard, and then he's pretty much done for. We hope. He better be, because Beryl just told the one left standing to take out the garbage. If I were him, I'd be taking out the garbage.

In the back, Beryl has a meeting with Mother Brain. I mean, the Eye of Sauron. I mean... whatever the hell that thing actually is. Metallia? I guess that's it's name. Gender is kind of questionable when you're essentially a giant freaking eyeball vomiting brain matter.

How else can I describe this thing? I mean seriously.

So Metallia is pleased to see Endymion again, who was a prince of Earth at some point way back in the past. But since these are the villains, they'll just go ahead and revive him because that's how they roll. Elsewhere, Kunzite prepares to put his brother down like Old Yeller, and seems to be resisting the temptation for an awkward makeout session between them.

So help me god if you ask for a friggin' kiss...

Zoisite wants to 'die beautifully', and his brother pretty much... begins freaking me out just a little bit.

Not only is homosexual incest okay, but death is beautiful!
How's that for mixed messages?

Of course before he passes on, he declares his love for his brother, and then he vanishes, leaving nothing behind.

What age group was this show intended for again? Because this is getting just a little bit twisted, and perhaps inappropriate for the younger crowd.

After the commercial break, the girls are left wondering how they should get out of the tower. Personally, I'm a fan of the Jupiter method of Breaking And Exiting. It worked for getting in, right? Then comes along Mercury, raining on everyone's parade with science. Not even good science, mind you. I'm not sure it qualifies even as junk science.

Say what? That doesn't make any sense.

She goes on to say some more things that just make me facepalm so very hard.

Just admit you have no idea what you're doing.

Of course, it's not like anyone else has half an idea what the hell she's talking about, but before anyone can try to think too hard about it, their fearless leader wakes up and starts freaking out about her old dead boyfriend who just basically died again in front of everyone but is totally not actually dead because that would be crappy.

Also, I think Rei just doesn't want to admit her boyfriend might be dead.

Let's think about this for a second: Dude gets his memory back, and goes "hey, we used to have like, a thing back in our past life, wasn't that radical?" and Rei is sitting there, watching all of this, you know she's gotta be like "so I cheated on a guy who was probably looking to hit up my boss/friend this entire time?"

Man, this whole situation is just messed up. Let's stop thinking about it now, before it makes my head hurt even more.

So LUNA'S memory has also returned at this point.

... so you're basically telling me nobody knew what the hell was going on, despite having a computer that was supposed to know what was going on commanding them?!

Well, now it's time for a history lesson folks. In an alternate history where there were trees and flowers on the friggin' moon. Long ago, evil conquered the Earth, and invaded the "Silver Millennium" to get hold of the "Silver Crystal", which destroyed the kingdom in the process. Then the Crystal got divided up, and you saw what a mess that wound up being.

That's right Makoto. You are moon people. That's what
living on the moon means.

I guess technically, they're all normal humans from Earth, they've just been reborn in these bodies. So basically, they've lived an entire life before, and now they can remember their last one. Yeah, that's not going to give you nightmares. Blah blah blah, more exposition, the Moon Queen made it so they'd be reborn on Earth as 'ordinary girls', and we see what a wonderful move that was. Despite the evil being sealed, some jerkface decided to unseal the evil, and now it's up to them to stop the evil and save the world.

Ugh.

Despite all of this, Sailor Moon decides, she's had enough of all this crap for once, and begins to have a kind of crisis of identity, because she's like, four people at once. Though, really, she just doesn't want to see the other girls die, then Rei gets all violent with her, and starts name-calling. Tears all over the place, more insults, but none of this is going to help anyone get out of here. Thankfully, Mercury has found a way out, and manages to not pretend to use a scientific explanation to give it to the others.

Sadly, Kunzite is kind of not in the mood to let anyone leave, and so everyone but Sailor Moon prepares to fight, and gets right down to it.

Though, Kunzite is still, y'know, invincible like he was the last time they fought, since he has that dark bubble thing that absorbs whatever he wants, then returns it. So Venus and Jupiter go down pretty fast, leaving only three girls left. Mars prepares to make a bold sacrifice, and unleashes her fireball, which, predictably enough, has no effect.

Three down, two to go. Mercury is the last line of defense, but she doesn't even get to attack before she gets knocked down by dark energy, and now Sailor Moon is all alone. All except the voices of her fallen comrades in her head.

So what's she do? She listens to the disembodied voice of her twice-dead boyfriend after asking for his help, and she holds the wand in front of her, hoping for a miracle.

Good thing this is the kind of show where miracles occur, because the Silver Crystal does a thing, and lights up the whole tower, sending it away and pretty much forcing Kunzite to run away like a bitch.

Back at Beryl's House of Healing Hurts, she looks down at her new boytoy in a new tux. How did he come to wear a white tux? Hell if I know, but if the look on her face has anything to do with it, I'd say she personally saw to that.

This is going to get awkward before it's over isn't it?

Then the sun rises over the ruins of the old tower, and everyone thanks Sailor Moon for stepping up and actually doing something, and everyone forgets they were even fighting in the first place.

Luna, I'm not sure that means what you think it means.

Then there's a heartfelt message that if they combine their powers, they can do anything, and we look off into the sunset as the credits begin to roll, and our heroine is convinced that her re-dead old boyfriend is not dead after all.

..... yeah that isn't confusing at all.

.... I got nothing. I am just so incredibly confused, because I see what they were trying to get at here, but I still have to wonder: What age group is this show targeting, because it feels like your target demographic switched in the last few episodes.

With eleven episodes left to go, one has to wonder how they are going to reach the conclusion of this particular series. Well, at least this season. Because I've still got an ungodly number of episodes left to go.

If this show makes me sick, Wednesday's update may be late. Check back then, and if it hasn't, there'll be a shiny new post waiting in the wings for you.