Free! Episode 08 - Revenge in the Medley!

So as I was looking up tonight's episode title, I could not help but notice with great disdain that this show has been confirmed now for at least 12 episodes now.

It is as though my worst fears are being confirmed. This is going to become one of those shows that will simply NEVER END. Despite having no real substance to speak of, aside from the obvious yaoi fanbait.

Also, is it me, or are these episode titles starting to make less sense as time goes on? What the hell does "Revenge in the medley" even mean?! The others made sense to a certain extent, but this one? Now they're just plain grasping at straws, man. Unless they pull some Inception-level bullshit at us.

But that would be far too interesting for this show. Let's see what they have in store for us this week.

So as is the trendy thing to do, they start today's episode off with the actual end of last week's episode, where Rin is all being a douchey twat and Haru looks like he just wants to drown in the pool. Followed by the immediate episode OP because hey, they've gotta keep that tension running somehow, right?

This show is confusing me on many levels, because it's clear these guys know how to make a good show. Yet, they keep making some incredibly campy choices, or picking things that just don't line up with the rest of the show for some reason. Not only that, but the characters are, for the most part, pretty 2D caricatures, and I have to wonder why we're even supposed to be caring about these people? Wait, sorry, there I was trying to imagine this as a show that wanted to elevate itself from merely being eye candy.

Anyhow, when we get back we get to see some people not the main characters swimming while the team is watching from the sidelines. Remember pizza dude? He finally decides to show up, and while Ama thanks him for showing up, despite being late, he can't help but get this sneaking suspicion that he's seen her somewhere before. Just hit on the woman and be done with it, will ya?

No, clearly he only came to hit on one. You are obviously
not his type, so don't get jealous Nagi.

It's at this point that it is revealed that Haru won't be in the finals, since he lost in the prelims. Fourth place is just not place high enough, I guess. But didn't they say something about the top eight swimmers...?

Then they start playing the dramatically emo music, and Haru is seen listening to Linkin Park in the shower room. Because they just really wanted an excuse to draw him with water flowing over his body for some reason.

I'VE BECOME SO NUMB.

Then Haru starts wondering why he feels kind of upset about losing. Wasn't this whole thing supposed to be done and over with once the race was over? Meanwhile, Rin is just continuing to be a smug little asshole. Back outside, other people swim, and the others are beginning to wonder what's happened to Haru. He's kinda been taking a shower for awhile, so the boys decide to go and see what is going on.

Oh, also, Gou is all unsatisfied because the race wasn't what she wanted to see when they swam together. So what the hell was she expecting, exactly? Sunshine, unicorns and leprechauns farting clouds of happiness and colorful flowers?

So on the way to the shower room, Mako stops Rei who gets upset about why the others aren't worried about Haru, and then Rin just kind of shows up, because I guess that's what the hip thing to do is when you're an elitist prick. Obviously, the best thing to ask the guy who has literally been nothing but hostile to you ever since you noticed he'd come back is to ask where your friend is, because clearly he would actually care, right?

Yeah, no, he's just going to continue to be an asshole, because that's what assholes do. IF YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED, RIN BEING AN ASSHOLE IS KIND OF A THING. A THING YOU ARE CLEARLY UNABLE TO GRASP BECAUSE YOU ARE ACTORS PLAYING REALLY STUPID CHARACTERS.

So he continues to go on and on about how superior he is because he won since he took a thing way more seriously, which actually should only serve to actually devalue his argument, because by this logic, they were clearly not on an entirely even playing field. But hey, if that's actually the case, then something else has to be bothering Haru, right?

Not drowning? That's always a plus.

Then Mako proceeds to lay the "making the hard character soft by deploying the kindness bomb" down on Rin, in an attempt to make us actually care about this guy who quite clearly should have had his face beaten in with a lead pipe.

Aw look, they want to pretend he isn't a soulless automaton.
How cute.

Oh but hey, he won and that's really the only thing that matters, so screw anything else that attempts to give us warm fuzzy feelings because it's not like any of us are well-adjusted individuals who make rational decisions ever. Also, Nagi decides now is the appropriate time to go find Haru. But of course Mako just says they should leave him alone - the last thing Haru needs is Nagi attempting to molest him yet again.

Besides, they have their own races coming up soon so they should focus on that. Then more swimming and manly men stretching, showing off all those muscle. Also, more talking to the adults about not knowing where Haru is, but then Nagi goes running off yet again because he wants Haru to see them swim.

Meanwhile, Haru is still all acting like a mopey little bitch, because he doesn't seem to want to come to terms with the fact that maybe, somewhere deep down inside, he wanted to wipe that smug look off of an asshole's face? After spending the entire series (and his entire life) talking about how he just swims to swim, now he begins to question his reason for swimming?!

Like, seriously dude? Losing a race you really didn't have any desire to be a part of in the first place is enough to give you a crisis of confidence? You either care or you don't care, so make up your mind and stick with it. Sweet jeebas this is not rocket science. It's like really wanting to eat some cake, then you eat the cake, and then you're sad because you don't have any more cake. BUT YOU WANTED TO EAT THE CAKE AND YOU ATE IT. Wait, maybe that is a bad example. Whatever, you probably get the point I'm trying to get across which is STOP BEING A MOPEY EMO F***WIT BECAUSE THE PLOT SAYS YOU HAVE TO BE EVEN IF IT MAKES NO SENSE.

Anyhow Nagi is all like "come watch us swiiiiim" and Haru's like "naw dog, I'm good" and Nagi's all "I SAID WATCH MY SWEET ASS WHILE I SWIM" and literally drags him back into the stadium.

Out there, Mako is out doing his thing and everyone else is cheering him on, which is a surprise to Haru for some reason. So he just kinda watches Mako while everyone spends the next two minutes cheering as Mako finishes in second place, just missing out on the finals as well. Then he and Haru have one of those "men looking at each other moments" and now it's Nagi's turn to swim, so they do the cheering thing while he swims.

Outside in the tour bus, Rin is all busy dreaming about Mako and his rippling bod. I mean, that thing he said about Haru. Yeah, because it's not like Rin has been having any freaky dreams about getting raped in the ass by Haru lately.

Back at the pool, Nagi loses as well, and Rei prepares himself to completely fail at this competition. Unfortunately, his goggles slip off, and despite having perfect form, he fails to perform, because he's not really that great of a swimmer to begin with.

Now the competition is over, and they waste some really amazing visuals on a show that is not really all that great.

Seriously, all of these people? Probably more character
than the main characters ever had.

So then the loser's club is all getting together, and despite being better than they've been before, they all still utterly failed to qualify. It's at this point Ama notices Haru is missing. Nagi says he's "probably gone home already". Odds are, he's probably staring at the pool, waiting for everyone else to leave so he can have himself another leisurely swim in it.

Then the adults leave, and all the kids are left to their own devices. Everything is now over - no chance of competing anymore. That is, until Gou mentions the next day of competitions.

Oh yeah, that thing.

So some Googling has proven that the whole "medley" thing is actually a real thing. Who'd have thought it's not just some funny english word tacked on for no reason? Remember that relay thing where there's the four styles and all that? That's called the Individual Medley. Which also has a 'relay' version. I guess you can go solo or do it as a team effort. Whatever.

It's at this point that Gou decides to tell her team that she kinda already had signed them up for the Medley, because she is a terrible person who doesn't tell anybody anything. You'd think that would be the kind of thing you'd let them know before the tournament but they wanted to create some incredibly fake dramatic tension, because who'd have thought that it's hard to create a show that is nothing more than showing off young men's wet bodies without some sort of loosely associated story?

I know, surprising isn't it?

So the whole reason Gou said nothing is because Haru sounded like he didn't want to do it. But now Rei is all "we gotta do this thing", because I guess he is all PUMPED FOR SWIM NOW. It doesn't matter if they are completely unprepared, that they didn't even bother to practice for the relay. What matters is that it's still a shot at the Regionals, so if they wish for it hard enough, anything can happen.

... god damn you blind hot blooded enthusiasm. In any other show, this would probably be awesome. GaoGaiGar, for example, or Gurren Lagann. Those are great hot blooded shows where blind faith and optimism are rewarded with awesome. But this show? It keeps wanting to be 'real', which makes this completely out of place. Even though you know they're probably going to win because that's how this shit always works in the anime world. God damn it.

So they all run over to Haru's house and decide to break into his house, looking for him all over. Because it's not like anybody EVER CARES ABOUT THAT SHIT. Except Rei because he's one of those straight-laced dudes, but Haru is all like "screw that, we just come whenever we please". Even Gou is all for breaking and entering. It's like Japan is some foreign country were just busting into someone's home when they aren't there is totally okay.

Oh, then Rei notices that picture from the tournament way back when, and they wonder if he's ever going to agree to do the relay.

So remember that thing up above where I guess Haru was actually waiting around for everyone else to leave?

F***ing called it.

He spends time doing some introspective bullshit, wondering what the hell it is he's doing. Meanwhile, the others just casually wait in the living room all night, and Rei insinuates that maybe Haru killed himself. We could only be so lucky, because then this show would be OVER.

Nagi then decides they should try to call Haru - who never seems to ever use his phone - so everyone takes turns yelling into the phone until they run out of room for the voicemail.

I'm sure he'll get the mess- ohhhh.

Then Mako is all like "we should go home, also, probably forfeit since I doubt Haru will want to swim". Then Haru finally gets home and guess who's sleeping in his doorway? Yeah, that one guy, holding his phone. So he decides to listen to the message, and we get even MORE flashbacks of earlier in the episode, including hearing THE ENTIRE MESSAGE ALL OVER AGAIN. You know, that one we heard not two minutes ago. Then Haru has the inevitable complete reversal of character AGAIN. But not before he hears key parts of the message again in his head.

Of course he wakes Mako up and asks about swimming the Relay tomorrow. It doesn't take long for word to get around that they'll be swimming again today. Eventually the crew all gets together again, with Nagi and Rei showing up late because they were busy practicing the relay. At the school's pool. Right before the tournament.

That moment when you realize your best friends
are complete f***ing morons.

I can understand where they were trying to go here. However? This is just completely idiotic. You've just worn yourselves out right before you get into the tournament you're supposed to participate in that very same day. If you had a few days, hell maybe even just one day, it wouldn't feel quite so much like a Deus ex Machina. But they're trying to emulate that blind hot blooded enthusiasm thing again. And failing miserably at it, because instead of making me feel all like "yeah they're gonna win woo awesome" it makes me go "god damn it, you spend the entire show beating into our head how the real world works then you just do anime bullshit anyway, why bother trying to be real if you're going to keep flipping reality the bird?"

I have really long thoughts sometimes.

So. Much. Innuendo.

Right, so today they've come to kick ass and chew bubblegum or something. Oh, then Rin finds out who else happens to be in the relay race, and guess who is all surprised to find them doing a relay without him? Yeah, that guy who has no real character. Sharkface. He keeps flipping between being all "whaaaaat" and being angry. Then he starts suffering all kinds of flashbacks as the others swim the same relay that he used to be part of, but totally wrote himself out of by being a complete dick.

Because you're a tool who is too good for these losers?

Last up is Haru who sees Rin watching, and he's all like "pfft, whatevs Imma swim". Then Haru dives off and the episode ends.

I think I keep repeating myself here, but this show is best summed up as failed potential. I get it, they're trying to make swimming an exciting thing. But they've had to resort to Wrestlemania levels of drama, while still wanting to pretend that this is a show grounded in reality, when clearly the characters are anything BUT grounded in reality.

And for some reason, there's still at least four more episodes of this shit left. Let's just predict how the next three episodes go: Haru wins the relay, they go onto the finals, Rin gets all pissy because he can't be on the team because he proclaimed himself too cool for them. Then in episode ten, they go onto the Finals, and Rin is all like 'raaugh hate' and winds up wanting to re-challenge Haru in a race. Episode eleven, Haru and Rin race, Haru beats Rin, who breaks down and doesn't understand why being a horrible person has left him an empty shell of a man. Then in episode twelve they let him come back to their team and everyone has rompous buttsex and fangirls around the world explode and/or die from massive nosebleeds.

If you haven't noticed, I have absolutely zero hope for this show at all. Just stop trying. Pick a thing and stick with it. I'd rather watch politics than deal with this. At least there you know why the politicians act like mindless robots either because they are shills or because they're really that damn stupid. Here? This is just plain AUUUUGH.

Seriously f**k this show. I hope they all die in a tragic bus accident. Involving water. That would just be so fitting.