Strike Witches Episode 07 - Nice 'n Breezy

As noted previously, it's been a rather interesting last week. I may have felt inclined to, shall we say, live it up with things that don't involve forcing myself to watch shows I utterly despise. Mostly be working, sleeping, and stuffing food down my face hole.

Of course, then I started this episode up and immediately regretted it. I mean immediately. Let me show you why.

Quite literally, the first frame. It's gonna be a long night.

So after about three seconds of the incredibly close-up shot shown above, they decide to give us another three seconds of the same image but just a little bit further away. There's things call establishing shots. They literally establish a scene. You just spent the first SIX SECONDS ESTABLISHING THAT WE ARE HERE TO WATCH LITTLE GIRLS CROTCHES.

In short: They are doing this wrong.

Anyhow, whats her name is returning from her night duty, and... then they open with the intro.

Wait, what? How did that establish ANYTHING?! No, literally, that established absolutely nothing. All we did was seeing her come back in the morning, as if that is supposed to mean anything to us whatsoever.

After the intro, once again we are met with more useful information: EVERYBODY IS ASLEEP. WELL GEE WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED. Literally, they show us every single character, sleeping in various forms of dress (in one case, no dress at all). They go ahead and use a full thirty seconds to say "everybody is asleep right now". While playing the most annoyingly 'peaceful' music possible. WE GET IT, EVERYTHING IS HUNKY DORY. Anyway, Mio is out doing her usual samurai bullshit and we get a pantsu shot of her, and she's all cutting leaves or some shit when revielle starts playing back at the base. Guess what happens next?

EVERYBODY WAKES UP. In their various states of dress. Absolutely nothing happens here that is even worth mentioning, except maybe that Sanya (girl from before) decides to crash in her buddy's room for some stupid reason. Anyhow, everybody seems to be running behind or something today, especially Erica. Maybe she's had too much to drink or something. Why is it so important she wake up?

Totally not Germany. At all.

Thank god this is going by so quickly, we're already 5 minutes in. So Gertie is all like "you best get yo ass outta bed" and rips the sheet covering her, only to discover that, congratulations, SHE ISN'T WEARING ANY PANTIES AT ALL. So just in case you had any reservations that this show wasn't for people wanting to see naked underaged girls, I present to you this episode. This entire episode. Because it's only gonna get worse from here. With a name like "Nice n' Breezy" you'd be a moron to think otherwise.

My, what convenient props we have here.

Anyway, she also gets all bent out of shape because someone is a complete slob, and just kind of casually has their previous medal sort of lying on the floor. Also, I'm fairly sure those are bottles of alcohol in her room. Just saying.

Then Erica discovers that "they're missing".

F**k my life man. I left KnJ FOR THIS?!

Elsewhere, Mio is drilling the most useless main character ever in how to swing a wooden sword, and Perrine is too busy being a stalkery bitch. We also get treated to a lovely shot of her ass. Then Lucchini shows up, revealing Perrine, who decides she wants in on the training now too. Oh, and we get a shot of Lucchini's pantsu when she drops out of the tree. She also gets drafted into swinging wooden swords in the air like they just don't care.

Then Eila and Minna go off to do things I guess.  At least I think that's who are going, all the characters look the f***ing same half the time. Everyone else is off to breakfast. Which appears to be whole, boiled potatoes.

... yes. Whole. Boiled. Potatoes.

IT DOESN'T MATTER YOU COULD FEED A VILLAGE
WITH THAT PLATE.

Meanwhile, Erica cannot find her pants, and decides she doesn't need those. She'll just casually walk around without any pants.

Then we get another bath scene from the girls who were all training just a moment ago, and Perrine starts daydreaming about Mio looking her over or something. Since she's in such a hurry to get to the pool, she doesn't notice the bar of soap that Yoshi drops, slips and falls into the pool... but not before blatantly showing us her completely naked crotch. FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS.

There is not enough EYE BLEACH IN THE WORLD.

Seriously, f***ing spread-eagled, suspended in midair, FIVE SECONDS.

She gets caught by Mio and immediate proceeds to just freak out. Why are they even bothering to try and hide the nudity at this point? Because not two seconds later we get to see Yoshi and Lucchini in all their naked glory, so what the f**k is the point even now.

At this point, I'm going to start taking a powerdrill to my forehead, I swear to f***ing god. Now We get to see Erica running around pantsless, sliding down railings and shit, and sneezing because she is not wearing pants. You know what else we get? A NICE CLOSE UP SHOT OF HER NAKED ASS IS WHAT.

NO, YOU ARE PANTSLESS. MORE PANTSLESS THAN
USUAL I MEAN. SHUT UP THAT WON'T WORK.

Eventually she wanders over to the bathroom, and steals someone's panties. Whose? Lucchini's. So what's she do? She steals Perrine's. Who is clearly distraught by this. Of course, being the ONLY CHARACTER WHO ACTUALLY WEARS PANTS, this really shouldn't be that big of a setback. I mean, seriously. You actually HAVE F***ING PANTS WHY ARE YOU GETTING ALL EMBARRASSED AND SHIT.

Also, I unintentionally made a bare assed joke. Ha ha. F**k you.

Of course, she's all like "Man, even with my magic catgirl shit I just don't feel comfortable. I should fix that." So what's she immediately consider? STEALING MIO'S. Which makes absolutely no sense at all given she already has pants. Also, that was totally Yoshi's swimming suit you were just considering jacking, before Yoshi and Mio caught you. Stupid girl.

Elsewhere, those other two are still doing things.

Yep, great, thanks for telling us this thing we've known.
WE GET IT.

But none of that is important at all. Anyhow, other girls are now sleeping in the middle of the day and we get the commercial break. When we get back, everyone is looking at Yoshi's undergarments... for... some reason.

This is now officially the worst military ever.

No. She may not have her 'pants' back. Because it is 'evidence' in a 'crime'. So now, we have TWO characters who are currently without any pantsu.

NO SHIT SHERLOCK THAT'S WHAT SHE'S BEEN TRYING
TO TELL YOU THIS ENTIRE TIME.

So she offers to let Yoshi... wear hers? What?! But then Mio hands off her coat to Yoshi which is... somehow... better than panties? WHAT THE F**K IS EVEN GOING ON HERE AT THIS POINT.

Now they begin trying to figure out what happened to Perrine's panties. Clearly they must have been stolen. Ten feet away, eating boiled whole potatoes is Lucchini, who is about to suffer a freak out.

Don't worry, they'll never find out since you wear pan-
ohhh wait whoops.

Erica is also eating there and not giving a damn. So all eyes go to Lucchini, who immediately bolts. Why? Because I guess panty theft is the worst kind of theft imaginable. We also get a close up shot of her running away with Perrine's panties because that is what this ENTIRE SHOW IS ABOUT NOW.

Enter the chase scene, where everyone not Erica goes running off. Lucchini picks up Yoshi's thing, and everyone leaves Erica alone with her plate of potatoes.

Chase scene. They are chasing Lucchini. Because this is the most interesting thing in the world. Perrine is having issues though, because of the way her pants are rubbing against her. Eventually, Yoshi catches up with Lucchini, who is in a tree with her clothes, and decides to climb up after her after being taunted. But by that point Lucchini's already gotten back down and admiring her sweet naked rump, causing Yoshi to fall. But not before we get to see that rump as well.

So then she goes running off again, totally ignoring the fact that her teammate just fell out of a tree and is possibly bleeding, or suffering from massive head trauma, or something. I'm sure there'll be no repercussions there.

Eventually, Lucchini finds her way into that bedroom with the night crew girls, and decides to hide in there. Except that one of them isn't exactly happy about this arrangement? But whatever, Lucchini decides to snag Eila's pants and use those to rappel down to the ground via the drainpipe outside her window. But of course, she can't be expected to leave the room without proper pants. So she decides to take Sanya's.

I wish I could be making this shit up right now. I really wish I could be making this shit up. But this is actually what is happening.

We are literally spending an entire episode with characters wearing other character's clothes. That's this entire episode. So while hiding, Lucchini slips on a bottle and sets off the Neuroi alarm. That's not going to confuse anybody at all. Oh, and Sanya wakes up and can't find her pants, no surprise. Oh, and those other two are coming back even faster now that they think there's an enemy attack on the way.

So everyone decides to go fly around regardless of whether they are actually wearing any pants or not, and even Sanya is going to be getting into this. Oh, and Lucchini gets found out by Erica about setting off the alarm.

Then there's a big fight in the hangar about Sanya wanting her pants back from Eila, and... well I'll just screencap it.

This is the worst thing ever.

Oh but before everyone can take off, the commander returns to tell them this is all just a false alarm, and Lucchini is an idiot. Oh, and all the pantsu gets returned, excepting of course for Erica's, whose are probably still missing. Then it's time for her to get her commendation, and Lucchini looks upset.

Then there's dramatic fanfare blah blah blah, and Erica steps up to the stage to get her medal while Lucchini is forced to stand with buckets of water and no pants. It takes them all of about five seconds to realize just who stole Lucchini's pants - it's the person getting the medal up on the stage there. Probably helps that she is kind of on an ELEVATED PLATFORM. Also helps that NOBODY WEARS PANTS IN THIS SHOW.

Also, they feel the need to show us Erica's crotch not just once, but TWICE. Then she grins and the episode is over.

Y'know what? I'm just going to say this is the second worst show in the world.

The first in Kodomo no Jikan. BUT THIS IS A CLOSE F***ING SECOND.