Strike Witches Episode 08 - Forget You Not

Oh god damn it. Is it really almost Monday again already? Considering my choices include skipping this show are forcing myself through the other half of that HORRIBLE F***ING CLUSTERF**K OF A PEDOPHILE'S WET DREAM, or forcing myself to wade through both this and an episode of Sailor Moon...

Yeah, you know which one I'm gonna pick.

Life hurts right now.

Okay, so already this episode is looking promising. How? By beginning with an establishing shot that is *gasp* AN ESTABLISHING SHOT.

Guess where this show takes place? Oh right, the same
place it has for the last six episodes.

So Yoshi is walking around, and makes a startling revelation: THERE ARE MEN ON THIS BASE.

My god and they're mechanics as well? MADNESS.

Since she is the kind and loving person that wants to save the world by not fighting, Yoshi is bringing the mechanics something sweet to eat. Sweets and tea, from the looks of things. Though they pretty much ignore her, due to 'orders from the commander'. Y'know. No interacting with Witches.

Cue intro.

Now, let's think about this for a moment. On the one hand, I can kind of see where they're going. On the other though, just suddenly springing this is sort of anticlimactic. It's almost as if they're throwing it in there to justify their completely being lazy up until this point.

But let's face it. This entire show is nothing but little girl TnA, so why bother trying to hide anything?

When we come back, there's a lot of wind out while Lynne and Yoshi hang the laundry. Then Yoshi asks her about the whole rule thing, but hey, she can't be expected to think about things like that. Yoshi thinks this is really weird, but now we learn that Lynne spent all her time at an all-girls school, and didn't really talk to men who weren't her brothers.

Then the Akagi rolls past them. Remember that carrier from the start of the series that didn't sink because the aliens can nail every target that is five times smaller, but not the biggest ship in the fleet? Yeah, well that sucker's back finally, and it's been repaired I guess.

Be glad you weren't the Master Chief. That ship didn't
end very well either...

Eventually, Minna calls Yoshi up, and she goes to meet with the Captain of the Akagi? He seems to have a gift for her, as well as his deepest gratitude.

Except for every other ship in the fleet. Are we even
watching the same show??

Blah blah Yoshi did something useful despite being an utterly useless lump, she gets a gift, which she is ordered to receive with gratitude. Oh, and then it's time for them to prepare for a counter-offensive. He also asks Yoshi to come aboard the ship, but nope, sorry, we have military things to do, so she can't go.

Then... some... random dude... wait what? Who the hell are you even?

Oh god please no. I've read better fan fiction than this shit.

I guess this kid was on the ship, and he decides to hand her what looks to be a love letter or something, which gets blown away by the wind. So they go chasing after, and it gets stuck in the wall. Then they both grab for it at the same time and OH SWEET JESUS STOP WE GET THE POINT LOVE GOD.

Then the letter goes flying off again. Minna catches it, and gives her the sternest look. She gives the boy the letter and sends him packing, and poor Yoshi probably wants to cry or some shit. So now she goes back to wandering the base with her still unopened gift, moping around, while Minna gets a flashback with a burning city she's flying over. Lots of fire all over, but then nothing until Mio starts talking to her about the whole 'letter' thing.

I guess they decided this show wasn't quite dramatic enough, so they had to ramp it up a thousand notches. That is, until the next scene when we find out what Yoshi's gift is:

Oh. My. God.

So let's get this straight. You get the little girl who saved your life an ANIME FIGURINE. Complete. With. Super-secret military legware. This shit's only been out for five years, HOW DID YOU EVEN GET THIS MADE. For that matter, WHY DID YOU THINK THIS WAS A GOOD GIFT?

Oh, no, I get it. See, they wanted to push their merchandise line too. Because yeah, don't you guys want one of these lovely figurines? Don't they look so good in 2D? Don't you just wish you could get one to place in your own home? Well now you can, for the low low price of $39.99, you too can have your very own Strike Witches figma, delivered straight to your door, FREE. But wait, there's more! Order now, and they'll throw in the naked hugpillow of Yoshi, absolutely FREE. But act quick, because supplies are running out.

Then the alarm goes off and the enemy is advancing. Like, directly towards them. So it's time for people to get up in the sky. Today Yoshi gets to fly with Minna and Mio, for whatever reason, and the girls go flying off. Mio does her eyepatch thing, and confirms the giant enemy Rubik's cube.

No. I mean it. It's a f***ing Rubik's cube.

Look at it's glow! So eeeeevil.

So they go in to attack because what else are they gonna, do, try to solve it to death? But then it has the nerve to divide itself into tons of tiny little cubes, which surprises and/or frustrates some of the girls. Then I guess Minna uses her psychic powers to determine how many cubes it turned into, and issues orders accordingly. It's only 210 cubes, and there's like what, seven of you? No big deal.

Better than raining men. Am I right?

Mio is tasked with finding the core, and Yoshi gets stuck being her wingman. Oh, and we get our obligatory butt-shot, which is kind of surprising it took THIS LONG. For a show that has managed to establish itself on its over-abundance of lovingly-rendered little girl bottoms, this is surprising. I suspect that'll change very quickly, of course. I'm sure they have quotas to meet or something.

Cue the action sequence where people start shooting things and flying around all crazy-like. Perrine worries about her hair, does some wannabe Railgun biri-biri sparking thing, and then strikes a pose, only to have Lynne keep her from getting whacked in the head by some cubes. Smart, these girls are. Real aces.

And you are not. Keep up the good work, Yoshi.

Surprisingly enough, Yoshi manages to pull the trigger on some laser cubes that attempt to go after Mio, then the halfway point comes up when they can't find the core.

After the break? More cubes flying around, but Mio can't find the core. She can feel it, but it doesn't seem to be anywhere nearby, and the cube swarm is getting closer to land. Then some cubes come in from the sun where Mio couldn't see, and she identifies the core, which zooms past. Time to let the real pros deal with this.

Obviously this means Yoshi is tasked with making sure it doesn't get past, and she winds up taking it down. But then it starts snowing sparkledust, and everyone is all "aww how pretty". Then Minna is all somber and goes to look at a car down below. Mio tells the others to leave her be, since this was that town from earlier in the episode.

Inside the Beetle, there is a long-forgotten gift. What are the odds it's for her? (Given this show, it's almost 100%)

So she looks all about to cry, then we get a flashback of a guy with blonde hair being all "stuff is happening" and walking all up into her room and shit. He's all "yeah, I enlisted" and she's like "But you're a musican!" and he's all like "So?" Blah blah, he's going to the front lines to be with her, and she throws her pants into the fire or something.

Then we are treated to something that is just hilarious to behold.

There's no animation here. Even while they talk.

They sit and talk about people escaping, and how the Witches are the only hope this poor town has. He helps her get into her Striker, and tells her that they'll be meeting up at some point, and she goes flying off, but as she does, he's all "I got something for you when you get back!"

I sure hope it's another pair of pants damnit.

So fast forwarding to her return, nobody ever made it, so her Aryan lover died or something. Blowed up getting her into the air. She opens the gift and there's a letter inside. Also, no pants.

After being a girl, she orders them all back to base, while trying to pretend that emotions are things that happens to other people. Then as the Akagi heads out, the Witches do a flyover of it, and Yoshi gets all up close and waves goodbye, wishing them luck on their journey. Yay, you got to say thanks. Congratulations.

Now they go back to base, and a transmission comes up: Someone is singing an old song from 1915. Who? The captain, wearing her slinky red dress that she was supposed to get from her boyfriend years ago.

Yeah this makes sense.

There's pictures and a piano being played and I guess they're even recording the Commander's performance, for whatever reason.

Also, there's guys all over the place now for some reason. I guess she's finally decided to have a heart or something, and have a reversal of character because of a single event. Lots of laughing, and we enter nightfall, where the commander is still wearing the dress even alone in her room staring out the window, and Mio comes a-calling. She's here to thank the Commander for letting her see them off, and she returns the gesture by unloading all of her pent up love issues to her subordinate.

But she's all "I lost someone important to me, but even now I'm still afraid to lose someone, so I have to make sure that doesn't happen." Then she pulls a gun on Mio.

Uh, what? I'm kind of confused here? But Mio somehow knows what's up I guess, and they end the episode there.

So... wait, what? I'm really f***ing confused now. Are you seriously trying to tell me that some folks are totally okay with aliens just blowing the f**k out of the planet?

And even though you've spent the last five years fighting them you're suddenly on the other team?

Is there even really another team?

None of this makes sense. But then again, none of it ever did to begin with.

I hate this show.