Astarotte no Omocha Episode 11 - A Full Stop For Just The Two of Us

I hope you're all having a good holiday season. Unless you are reading this during some other season, in which case I hope you're having a good day. Also, I want to take a moment to thank you for dropping by for the express purpose of reading me lose my goddamn mind while trying to come to terms with the fact that I am basically forcing myself to watch the closest thing to animated child pornography they could afford to actually air on television.

All for the hope that a few random strangers might get a good laugh out of it.

Go ahead. Laugh. I think it might be the only thing I have left these days.

I Wanna Be the Strongest in the World! - Or How to Fail at Anime Period

Artist's rendition of how being forced to watch this show
makes me feel. Not pictured: My screaming visage.

Making anime can be hard. Yes, we have lots of tools to help with that shit these days, but we all know that to keep drawing the same thing hundreds of times over is nothing short of insanity.

Which is exactly why this show confuses and aggravates me so much. Because they must have either been crazy or smoking a very special kind of crack in order to think trying to push this show was ever a good idea in the first place.

It had a ridiculous premise, and then it tried to play itself straight. And failed miserably.

This is my final review for this show. Spoiler alert: It ain't pretty.

Strike Witches - Leaving Empty Shells All Over

It says a lot about a show when it is required to have a pantsu counter attached to it.

Mostly bad things, of course.

Now I'm not to say all fanservice is terrible. Because I love me some ladies. I just prefer them to be a little bit more grown up. And not necessarily still in elementary school.

I love Gonzo. They're not the best animation studio out there but they've done some incredible work. Why, just look at their pedigree of shows, and games they've helped out with: From doing some of the animation work in Lunar and Lunar 2: Eternal Blue (incredible games I might add), to creating great original properties such as Vandread, Kiddy Grade, and making films like Blue Submarine No. 6, they do some damn good work.

So why. WHY. WHY IN THE NAME OF GOD WOULD YOU MAKE THIS SHOW?!

I get you probably wanted to tackle a ridiculous concept, and that I approve of. What I don't approve of, however, is you focusing more on the fact that little girls flying around with panties is a thing we need constantly shoved in our faces. Along with incredibly questionable artistic choices.

Today, I take a look back and break down everything that is wrong with Strike Witches in one big, final review.

Free! - Out of the Closet and Into the Pool

I should have done this long ago. But it's time that I set the record straight. Time that I finally shined a light on the truth of things. It's time I gave my final review... for Free!.

With everything else I've been watching, I can safely say that of everything I will likely ever watch, this will wind up being the best worst anime I will ever have to see.

Yeah. I can't believe I'm saying it either.

I Wanna Be the Strongest! FINAL - To the World!

You know, I like looking at statistics sometimes. I think it's kind of fascinating. Specifically right now I am referring to ones related to this blog. Despite the low amount of traffic it gets, I have to say it really provides some fascinating insights.

All I can figure is that this must be getting around in certain smaller circles, because every now and again I take a peek at how people are finding their way here. I am actually amazed at how this manages to hit front page on things I never could have guessed.

Although, why people are thinking this blog is called "Moonlight Princess Punishment" I have no idea. But I think it's pretty neat that some dude (or dudette, I'm not judging) in Japan seems to keep hitting up the ol' Google for it. Good on ya.

So Christmas is just a few days away! What better way to celebrate than to get this utterly horrible waste of time out of my way? After all, I've got more important terrible shows to ruin my life with. Like Astarotte. Oh god why did I ever start watching that why...

Wanna Be the Strongest! Episode 11 - Pure Soul!

Late posts are late because I've been busy formatting a hard drive. These things happen. Thankfully, I still have enough good space left elsewhere to do necessary things related to this blog, so let's just get down to business.

I really just want to point out that I hate this show with a burning passion, because it is a waste of everything. It's a waste of time. A waste of effort. One might even say it was a waste of money to create. It could've been at least okay, but it has been slated to never rise above mere mediocrity because the people creating it just want to shit out every show based off of a manga they can get their hands on. Period.

Go ahead. Look at what show they've got airing next season. I'll wait.

In fact, screw it. I'll just link you the video.

It seemed like it could actually be decent. And then I realized: wait, why are they showing fanservice in the middle of a trailer? And then? I realized with horror at the end who was responsible for releasing this.

I've got a show to tear apart. Let's do this.

Astarotte no Omocha Episode 10 - Fist of Fellow Neighbors

Happy Holidays folks. It's funny but I almost always say 'Happy Holidays' instead of Merry Christmas, despite being raised Christian. Why? I dunno, I guess it just seemed more right, whatever. I don't get all pissy when people decide to wish me a Happy Hannukah or something (though come to think of it... I'm not sure anyone ever has...). It seems silly.

Anyhow that seems like a good enough way to transition into me pointing over at that little poll box to your right. No, your other right. No, your other other right. Yeah. There ya go. That thingy. It's got a question and some silly answers, but why do that?

Well. I don't talk about this stuff at all but it's there to help me see how many folks are engaging with this blog. To date, I think I have about two readers. I am an instant Internet Success!

But seriously, if you read the blog go ahead and just tick one of those suckas off for me that'd be great. Or leave a comment down below. Or, I dunno. Email? Whatever. If people aren't telling me what a horrible job I am doing then clearly I am Doing It Right. So off to destroy my brain! Today, we're doing Astarotte.

I mean we're watching her. Because doing her would be oh for f***'s sake.

Sailor Moon R Episode 24 - A Battle of the Flames of Love! Mars vs Koan

Here we go again. Finally, the 70th episode of Sailor Moon, and the episode that proves I am well beyond the mid-point of this season finally - at 43 episodes, I'm not sure why this feels like such a shock.

Better yet though, it also means I am one step closer to that dreaded 100th episode. The true halfway mark. It's like seeing a long journey ahead of you, and realizing you've gotten so far, but you still have the hardest parts of it left.

Already, I fondly look back on villains past, and lament their passing. Nephrite? I miss you. Zoisite? Come back to me. Hell, even Beryl playing with that stupid pointless crystal ball, I would take them all back in a heartbeat if it meant I didn't have to deal with the four phantom sisters and their incredibly lame automatons.

Not to mention Rubeus. My god is he stupid or what? His evil plans all involve taking over ice cream stalls and cosmetics stores - at least the villains of the past were coming up with horrible ideas that, while incredibly contrived made some sort of goddamn sense. Like that gym that sucked people's energy.

Yes, magic is still bullshit. But at least back then the magic pretended to stand for something, even if it didn't know what it was...

I better just get this over with. Because I've been told the show is only going to get worse in later seasons.

Much. Much. Much worse.

Wanna Be the Strongest! Episode 10 - Sakura's Fate!

You know, this one is late because I've been dealing with a hard drive failure (which, as you can imagine, can make it somewhat difficult to get anything done). The plan was to do a catch-up episode today, and then I realized something: Today is my birthday.

Shocking, I know. So then I decided against it, and drifted off to sleep and was well on my way to having fond dreams of strange things, when my phone began to ring.

And ring.

And ring.

So then I said f**k it. Since I'm up anyways.

Funny but true: There's a strange tradition in certain smaller Asian countries (I've heard tales from areas surrounding the Phillipines) where a person, upon reaching their birthday, actually winds up giving presents to their friends. Usually in the form of food or some such, but I figure hey, what better way to justify putting in work on my birthday of all days?

And we can all agree that having to put up with this show is a hell all of its own.

Astarotte no Omocha Episode 09 - Backslash of Slight Fever

You know, as each of these episodes come to pass, I find myself continuing to invoke the "not as bad as Kodomo no Jikan" line, as though that were somehow supposed to give me comfort. As if the knowledge that, despite how bad a thing is, it could somehow still be worse just makes everything all that much better, even though in actuality all it does is add another layer of horror on top of everything.

Well, I mention this because today, I may have discovered something worse than KnJ. Let that sink in for a moment.

Something worse than reverse loli rape.

... assuming it ever actually makes it onto TV (there's been some delay on that, and for good reason based on everything I know about it), I may be forced to watch it. And possibly vomit all over my keyboard.

... and not actually possibly joking about that either.

With those happy thoughts, let's see just how bad Astarotte can affect the human mind hm?

Sailor Moon R Episode 23 - Awaken, Sleeping Beauty! Mamoru's Distress

Oh god, it's that time again already? I just keep writing these things, but it seems like it'll never end. Sure, I'm halfway through R at this point, but that means I'm only halfway through R at this point. It's like deciding to drink a glass of milk in one go, and realizing halfway that was a really stupid idea.

Come to think of it, I guess that just describes this blog in a nutshell. A really stupid idea.

Seriously. I complain about all this horrible stuff I force myself to watch, and my friends are all "why are you doing this to yourself?" and all I can say is, hell I don't know? If I'm not making people laugh (and I hope I'm doing that or I am really doing it wrong), then what's the deal?

I'm going to keep using the 'super-in-depth critique' excuse. Because nothing says tearing a show apart by watching a series in its entirety and breaking down everything that is horrible about it.

Or maybe I really do want to drive myself mad. Who knows.

Enough of that shit let's get on with the show.

Astarotte no Omocha Episode 08 - A Strong Comma

I was unable to get this out to you earlier because, well, reasons. But I dislike being a liar above nearly anything else, so here's the final bonus update for the week - starting next week we'll be returning to the usual three per week. Try not to hold onto that sinking feeling of despair and resentment that is clearly beginning to permeate your very soul. I try not to, at any rate.

And, of course, in true idiot fashion, I pick what is probably the worst possible show to end on, because frankly, I'm just a horrible person when it comes to the things I do to myself. I'd call myself masochistic but honestly? I don't think I care about myself quite nearly enough for that. It's more of a simmering resentment really.

Sailor Moon R Episode 22 - Protect Chibi-Usa! Clash of the 10 Warriors

You know, maybe I really have been too hard on Sailor Moon. I've been talking to some folks on this thing called the "internets" (you may have heard of it, it's all the rage these days). I asked the same question I've been asking myself for well over a year, since I started this damn thing, and got an answer that actually... well, surprised me in that it was incredibly well thought out.

See, while this show may not have been the first of its genre (Cutie Honey takes that crown I think), or even the best (see: Cardcaptor Sakura, Pretty Cure), it did seem to hit at just the right time and place. What made it stand out from the other shows? Well, it had a storyline that seemed to go from one episode to the next, giving you a reason to want to keep watching.

People have also claimed that by making the characters assholes who 'still do the right thing' makes them easier to identify with... which I suppose does make a lot of sense. But what's even more mystifying is the market they were trying to reach was incredibly wrong. They were trying to cash in on the toy market (what show wasn't?!), but instead of airing it at a time children were likely to be watching, they seemed to be shoving their show off to the early teens. Which is fascinating.

Of course, this still doesn't justify that everyone in this show is an idiot. But okay. I'll try to go a little easier on it, bearing some of this information in mind.

... I bet I won't make it twenty minutes before I'm screaming at my monitor.

Wanna Be the Strongest! Episode 09 - The Astounding Newbie!

As I was lounging about, as I often tend to do, a strange thought occurred to me while trying to prepare myself to watch this episode.

I Wanna Be the Strongest In the World is, quite possibly, a contender for the worst anime I've ever seen.

Free! was kinda bad, but I'll admit that it's definitely the best bad anime I've forced myself to sit through. Kodomo no Jikan was simply a nightmare I care never to repeat again. And yet, despite being an anime about an idol-turned-wrestler, this show is somehow competing with a story of how an elementary school student wants to rape her teacher.

Dear god how is this even possible?!

Astarotte no Omocha Episode 07 - Apostrophe of Secret

So I barely remember the last weekend. Not entirely sure why, but it all feels like just a hazy blur of working. As such, I pretty much slept through all of Monday.

It wasn't my intention, but these things happen, I suppose. So unfortunately, it looks increasingly likely that you'll only be getting four updates this week instead of five, before returning to the usual schedule.

I'm sure you won't miss it at all.

I know I won't.

Sailor Moon R Episode 21 - Ocean, Island, Vacation! The Soldier's Day Off

So I hope you guys enjoyed pigging out on turkey. I enjoyed sleeping. And not watching a show I kind of despise.

Okay. Despise is the wrong word, I guess. It just hurts to watch it.

By which I mean to say I may break my nose hitting it against the desk.

It's that kind of relationship.

Thanksgiving 2013 - Happy Turkey day!

I had a different post planned for today. In fact, I was going to just straight up do the next episode of Sailor Moon. Then I ran into some Technical Difficulties and realized I was missing the entire point of what a Holiday is supposed to be.

You shouldn't be reading about me subjecting myself to shows that could have been much better. You should be doing more important things, like dealing with relatives, eating turkeys, and all that happy fun junk.

So in case today is Thanksgiving, and you're wondering to yourself (all three of you that read this), "where's the new post?"

Check back tomorrow. The Internet can wait that long.

Until then, have a happy and safe holiday, and I'll see you again tomorrow.

Or whenever you check in next.

Whatever.

I'm patient.

Wanna Be the Strongest! Episode 08 - The Power of the World Champ

As we creep closer and closer to that holiday where we give thanks and gorge our fat faces full of carbohydrates-laden foodstuffs, here I am finding myself watching yet more terrible anime. What does this make me thankful for, you may ask?

Come back and ask me tomorrow because right now I haven't got a damn clue what this is supposed to make me thankful for.

Astarotte no Omocha Episode 06 - Caret of Confusion

Some people might be wondering why, if this blog is really about forcing myself to sit through all of Sailor Moon, do I keep watching other shows as well? It really all boils down to one very simple reason, you see:

I need something to remind myself that, as bad as Sailor Moon might get sometimes... it is very, very far from the bottom of the barrel. Case in point? Astarotte. Oh god this show. Are we really only six episodes in? Because it feels like it's been far longer than that.

On the bright side, this means we're just about halfway there...

Sailor Moon R Episode 20 - Usagi's Parental Love? A Curry Triangle Relationship

So I'm doing Sailor Moon again. Why? Because it's been a long weekend, and frankly I do not want to deal with that other show yet. And since we're basically up to current with idol wrasslin', this seems like a great opportunity to simply get another example of why Sailor Moon is corrupting our youth out of the way.

Seriously. Why the hell did we think it was good? Were we truly just that stupid?

(On an update-related note, since I missed one update last week I will just continue this tradition of week-long updates ONE MORE WEEK because I TOTALLY HATE MYSELF.)

Sailor Moon R Episode 19 - Dispute Over Love! Minako and Makoto Face Off

I'm almost glad that I've come back to Sailor Moon again. Is this what it is to be in an abusive relationship? Where no matter how badly something treats me, every time it comes back around to me, I'm glad that we're back together, for all of those blissful thirty seconds before hitting the play button, until it begins to abuse me again and again, leaving me a battered, broken man lying on the floor crying, wondering what did I ever do to possibly deserve this treatment?

That is a thing that this show promotes, after all. Must be why I keep coming back. Again. And again. And again.

NO YOU DON'T GET IT THIS SHOW REALLY LOVES ME I SWEAR IT'S TRUE!

Wanna Be the Strongest! Episode 07 - The World Champion Comes to Japan!

Oh god why is this show even allowed to air on television. Not because of its content, mind you, but rather because of its lack of content. Seriously, this is some of the most boring shit next to watching paint dry, and I sat through all of Shining Force NEO. Including the final dungeon. If you don't know what that game is, imagine Diablo 2 on easy mode. Now imagine all of the enemies are pretty much the same... that you have no real 'magic spells', and upgrades are mandatory to proceed.

Wait, no. Imagine Gauntlet. Only a shittier version of Gauntlet. There. You have Shining Force NEO. It sucked. But I think I might rather play through that shitfest than have to keep watching this show.

And yet, you know that's exactly what I'm gonna keep doing.

God damn these terrible decisions made at 3AM.

Astarotte no Omocha Episode 05 - Quotation of Crossing

So, I didn't get a chance to post yesterday, which saddens me. I felt sick as hell, and needed to sleep, and had a headache for too much of the day. Can that be attributed to Sailor Moon? Probably. Will anyone believe me if I declare that as being the reason? Probably not.

In lieu of this most heinous of crimes (depriving the four people who read this thing of a single entry), I'll just have to make it up this week. Oh well. Bonus on Saturday? Or maybe a double-post? We'll see.

Today, I'm going back to Astarotte for some reason. The reason is, of course, that I just watched Sailor Moon, and I don't want to force myself to watch a hentai-produced wrestling anime. So instead we get little girls sucking dick.

... I hate myself for making this decision so bad right now.

Sailor Moon R Episode 18 - In Search of the Silver Crystal! Chibi-usa's Secret

You know your show is in trouble when the high point of it is the filler material. Which, 99% of the time, can be totally removed without missing a damn thing.

By that measure, most of this show can, in fact, be removed. And is even recommended by some of its more loyal fans.

The measure of a good show, that is not. Also, handing out powerups so soon after handing them out the first time? Yeesh. This could be trouble.

Wanna Be the Strongest! Episode 06 - Revenge Match!

I have discovered the terrible secret behind this anime. The horrifying truth that will forever scar me until I draw my final breath.

The animation team behind this show? They're called Arms Corporation. They're well known for producing PORN. Hentai, specifically, but that is PORN NONETHELESS. Some of their more noteworthy projects that they have worked on in some capacity: La Blue Girl Returns, Night Shift Nurses, Words Worth. Y'know, some of the most (in)famous of them all.

But the one thing I cannot abide?

THEY ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR IKKITOUSEN.

I don't give a flying f**k if they helped with Elfen Lied. THEY HELPED BRING THE WORLD IKKITOUSEN AND FOR THAT THEY SHOULD ALL BURN IN HELL.

This is gonna be a long f***ing night.

Sailor Moon R Episode 17 - Women Should Be Strong and Beautiful! Rei's New Killer Move

Holy crap. I totally missed the 100th post! I knew it was coming up but it completely slipped my mind. Amazing how that just happens. And here I was hoping to do something fun for it.

Oh well. Maybe once I get to 200. Or something. Incidentally, if I had simply been sticking with Sailor Moon this entire time, I'd be halfway through by now.

.... shit.

Wanna Be the Strongest! Episode 05 - The Night Before the Decisive Fight

I try to find something positive in everything - the silver lining, as it were. Free!, for example, had it's beautiful animation and brilliant choice of camera direction - if it if was largely wasted, due to the fact being about half-naked men running around and getting wet. I'm at a loss for what to say about this show though. I mean, I guess I could say it makes me laugh? Except that the things I am laughing about are for completely the wrong reasons. I'm not even sure they are genuine laughs.

Five episodes in, I'm pretty sure I can safely describe this one as being a train wreck. Because I'm thoroughly convinced they have no f***ing clue what they are doing.

Astarotte no Omocha Episode 04 - Ampersand of the Party

What can I say about this show that I haven't already said? Um. Well, that's a pretty good question, especially since I haven't watched this episode quite yet. Problem is, I'm used to doing an intro of some sort, but today I am coming up dry for some reason.

It says a lot about a show when I would much rather sit here, agonizing over what I should say before watching the damn thing than actually watching said show.

...

.....

Okay yeah I got nothing else. Let's just get this over with...

Sailor Moon R Episode 16 - The Friendship of Sailor Warriors! Good-bye, Ami

Happy Monday. I decided to start off with Sailor Moon this week because frankly I don't think I can deal with Astarotte right now. It's a difficult choice, having to decide between one pedo-loving anime and another, but somehow I get the feeling that this one will break me a little bit less, so we're going with that.

I hope this one breaks me less.

I'm so freaking screwed aren't I.

Wanna Be the Strongest! Episode 04 - Now This is Pro Wrestling!

Here we are again. Idol Wrestling. Anime for those who simply want to see sweaty girls with big tits writhing around in agony, and are too goddamn lazy to hit the internet up for porn.

What, you can't honestly tell me that isn't the case here, or that people are actually engaged with these pathetic excuses for characters. They are literally tits on a stick. Except for the fat one, and I think that was simply because they wanted to pretend the other wrestlers were promoting diversity.

Pro tip: Diversity is a thing they aren't getting paid to make happen.

Sailor Moon R Episode 15 - Huge Shock for Usagi! Mamoru Declares a Break Up

Well hello again. Welcome back to my hell. Remember when this show was the one I wanted to watch more because it was the least painful to behold? Yeah, me too. But now they've unleashed Chibi-Usa upon us. Even if they haven't started calling the pink-haired freak that yet (and trust me, freak is the single best word to describe this one).

So aside from dropping the ball and missing what would have been a great potential episode for Halloween, I've been pondering trying to do more of these Theme thingies in the future. Just probably nowhere near as involved as this. We'll just see what else I cook up in the next few weeks eh? For now, just continue to be thankful that I'm the one watching this crap, and not you.

Not unless you're some kind of masochist like me.

Wanna Be The Strongest! Episode 03 - Give Up!

My head hurts.

Not because of the shit I'm watching, though that's not going to help at all. No, I'm sick.

I think I can blame my illness on these crappy shows. My being ill is totally related to them sucking very much, that is a proven fact because I say so. Also, this is the internet, so it makes anything I say totally true.

Astarotte no Omocha Episode 03 - Parenthesis of Passing

Hi. Did you forget about this show? I did too. Then I realized I needed something for this morning, and I discovered my choices were more Sailor Moon, Idoru wrasslan, or this.

Why, dear god, did I settle on this. I'd try to make a comparison about shit sandwiches, but honestly I have a head cold and the joke would probably be lost to folks anyways, so I'll just say there really wasn't much wiggle room on this one.

Let's just get this over with. In some countries, I'm sure this show is regarded as an inhumane form of torture. Others would just consider it fap material...

Sailor Moon R Episode 14 - An Angel? A Devil? Mysterious Girl from the Sky

You may have noticed things have been quiet the last couple of weeks. The main reason is that I didn't have time, between all the lovely things that have gone on in my life lately (especially being sick, that part really sucked).

So, I thought to myself, what could I do to make this blog interesting again, as well as making up for lost time? Why, a theme month, why not! It's now November, and you know what that means? Stuff you're supposed to be Thankful for.

To celebrate this November, I'll be updating the blog five times a week. For four weeks. Yes, that's right, I'm going to hop on the fast track to Bellvue. All for you.

What better way to start this off than with Sailor Moon? Because I promise you, it's about to get super bad.

Wanna Be the Strongest! Episode 02 - Pro Debut!

So, there is a slight possibility pretty high chance I completely blanked this show out in a fit of alcohol-induced stupor since I originally watched the pilot episode.

I uh, also might have needed to refresh myself on the subject of this show.

So hi. Welcome. This is called Wanna Be the Strongest! It's the second episode. (In case you don't bother reading the titles, I mean, I sure don't anymore, they are bothersome and boring and not the point here.) This is a show about a girl. She wants to be the strongest, I guess. But really, this show is about a Japanese idol with big tits wrestling other girls with proportionally large busts. Also, lots of ass shots.

In case you were just joining us and didn't read the title or the first three paragraphs: This is an anime involving titties, ass, assgrabs, wrestling, and pile drivers. Are you onboard? Okay.

tl;dr: F**k it. Girls wrestle, the end.

Sailor Moon R Episode 13 - True Love Awakens! The Doom Tree's Secret

Life is funny sometimes. It throws us all kinds of curveballs, and things just tend to pile up without even realizing. Such as with this blog. I'm kind of getting lax in its treatment lately, but that's mostly because I have a lot more on my plate than I used to.

Fortunately, I think I've got like, what, ten people who read this regularly? So at least I'm not disappointing too many folks.

I've been considering a make up week. One post for five days straight, in order to catch up on the backlog a little bit. Sure, it might be overkill, but what am I gonna do, watch good anime?

Pffft. Not until the next episode of Kill la Kill is out at any rate. Maybe I should do little mini posts about that stuff...?

Sailor Moon R Episode 12 - The Lovers' Hearts Disagree! The Angry Doom Tree

You know, it's been awhile since I last continued Sailor Moon. Exactly two weeks, actually. So I guess that means I should probably get back on track.

There's all kinds of reasons it's fallen behind. New shows, changing things up... and the fact that, as much as I want to rail on this show, there's honestly far more deserving ones in my lineup right now. I'm not suggesting Sailor Moon is getting good, it's getting mediocre. Which might almost be worse than being bad, except that it's only bad for me, since it means there's so very little to talk about that I haven't already talked about.

This is probably one of the most boring fillers I've ever had to watch. It isn't horrifying, it isn't scarring me for life, and it certainly isn't making me want to hurt myself. Unless you count wanting to die out of sheer boredom as wanting to hurt myself, because that is something this show has in spades right now.

Maybe my problem is that I need to spice things up a bit. Turn it into a game.

... meh. We'll see about that once this stupid filler is done and over with, and the actual plot gets to retconning this entire bullshit scenario. Kind of like how the first episode retconned the events of the end of the first series...

Wanna Be the Strongest! Episode 01 - An Idol Wrestler is Born!

If you read the title... then you already know why this is here. Because that is everything wrong with everything.

I mean, heck, I did a little bit of research on this one before I decided to throw it on the pile of crap. Admittedly not a lot of research mind you, but research nonetheless. Research that was limited only to the absolute WORST promotional video I've ever seen. It is literally a full minute of the main character struggling, her face so close to the camera you can't really tell what's going on. Also, she's giving you the most lewd cries that you can possibly imagine.

To put it into perspective, here's a few of the tags from anidb: Breast Fondling, Skimpy Clothing, Nudity.

Yep. It's the exact opposite of Free!. It even has an exclamation mark in its title.

Astarotte no Omocha Episode 02 - The First Semicolon

It is entirely possible you were expecting some other post today. Sailor Moon, perhaps? But no, such is not the case. Why did I choose to revisit Lotte so soon?

Well, it's because I think I've been hornswaggled, that's why. Duped. Redirected to that damnable left (or was it right?) turn at Albuquerque. I spent so much time completely dumbstruck and distracted by the pretty animations that somehow, I entirely missed the whole point of this entire show. It's horror didn't really settle in until last night, as I lay in bed to sleep.

This is a show about teaching a ten year old girl to suck cock. Forget everything else. Forget that she is a succubus (laughable enough). Forget that she's a princess (which only serves to make this WORSE). Let's just ignore the fact that there's enough Norse mythology crammed into this show to choke the Leviathan. All of this? Unimportant. Because the sole purpose of this show, no matter what else happens, the number one plot device that drives this entire show... is to teach a little girl the importance of fellatio.

If that's not sexist as f**k then I don't know what is.

Astarotte no Omocha Episode 01 - The Exclamation of Our Meeting

Today, I decided to try a different sort of show. Something different. It was pitched to me as, well, frankly a pretty bad show. In fact, some of my friends have even attempted to dissuade me from watching it. Even after doing a quick glance over at Wikipedia, I could not be deterred. Attempts to keep me from watching it generally boiled down to something like this:

Friend: Don't watch it, you will regret it.

Me: Why?

Friend: It's bad.

Me: Is it worse than KnJ?

Friend: .... no but it's stil-

Me: THEN I CAN TAKE IT. BRING IT ON.

Nothing. Nothing is worse than f***ing Kodomo no Jikan. This show is about a 10-year old succubus who is coming of age. And it still cannot be worse than KnJ.

Such a thing is simply not possible.

Strike Witches Episode FINAL - Strike Witches

I can't really put this off any longer, I suppose. Not entirely sure why I would want to, of course. But.. it must be done. Let's just end this show and put it out of my misery.

As a note, I know that I didn't post anything Friday. I was going to, but then I wound up doing other things instead. Things that didn't involve watching this show. Also, it gave me time to prepare a couple of other shows. One of which might show up Wednesday. Or Friday. I'm undecided, really.

Finally, as a last word? They named the final episode the title of the show. As if they weren't full enough of themselves as it was? Yeah. They just had to go there.

Okay. Let's just get this over with so I can gently sob into a pillow for the rest of the night...

Sailor Moon R Episode 11 - Be Careful After School! Usagi is a Target

You know, I'm conflicted here. Because despite the fact that this show has some of the worst alien invaders this side of Plan 9 From Outer Space, or anything from MST3K for that matter, I can't help but feel that I'm enjoying myself. Just a little bit. That doesn't make this show too much better I suppose, because everyone involved is still a really, truly, terrible person. Plus the monster designs still pretty much suck. And character development? There's no such thing.

Maybe it suffers from a case of being so bad, it's actually enjoyable. I mean, it's at the point where its kind of like a game trying to figure out just how bad a thing will get before they actually go there, and finding out if you were right on the money or, god forbid, somehow nowhere close to how bad it actually turns out. It's like a demolition derby: Yeah, they call it a race but the only reason anyone shows up is because they want to see a bunch of cars get f***ing trashed to hell.

So yeah. I just compared Sailor Moon to trashed car races. What now?

Strike Witches Episode 11 - To the Sky

With this, there's only one more episode before I'm finished with a second series. I'm still at a loss for what I'll do Friday - maybe I'll just end this one there and figure the rest out as I go. Lord knows I'm going to be all too happy to put this monstrosity down for good.

I'm really not sure what else I can say, except that I am really, really glad I only have to do this stupid Pantsu counter one more time after this. I may need more gimmicks in the near future... just because.

Free! Episode FINAL - Distant Free!

It's over.

Finally, it's really, truly over. This is the last episode. There's no trolling here, this is the actual, honest to god last one of these I'm going to have to watch. Because the show is ending. For good. Forever. Never to see the light of day ever again.

I'm going to have to give this show an evaluation, sure. But y'know what? I'm going to do that on my own time. I won't use it as precious filler to delay the inevitability of needing to consume terribleness and share it with the world, no. It'll be a bonus, for when I finally decide to get around and... wash the taste of this show out of my mouth.

Yeah. I went there. Now shut up and just read how this train wreck of a show finally ends.

Sailor Moon R Episode 10 - Steal Mamoru's Kiss! En's Snow White Strategy

It's that lovely time of night again, where I reflect upon the things I do in life, and ask myself: Why the hell did I ever want to start watching this show again?

I mean, okay sure. Yes, it's a popular show. Yes, I've railed it pretty hard, and I do actually take offense to a great many deal of things that happen in it. I mean this is some pretty sick shit that goes on in this show, and nobody ever really bothered to take a look at that and ask themselves, "is this really the sort of show I want my kid to be watching?"

But no, there's got to be some other reason for it. Perhaps I've been deluding myself. I mean, I can watch something, then go "I hate it" and move on, and be totally justified by it. So why do I actually have to sit through every thing that has ever been, to completely deconstruct and disassemble it in all of its entirety, for the entire world to see?

If anybody can actually come up with a legitimate answer to that, I welcome you to leave a comment and let me know, because I'm f***ing stumped. Anyhow, I guess it's time to get the show on the road.

Strike Witches Episode 10 - Trust and Friendship

So you may have noticed I didn't get around to posting. Honestly, I was just feeling really ill. I even went to bed early and everything because that's how bad I was feeling. I blame the cold weather.

But I did promise that I'd try and make up. So you know what I'm adding? A Pantsu counter. Yes, and actual, honest to god pantsu counter. Every time a shot comes up, I'll add it to the tally. By the end of the episode, we'll see just how many pantsu we can get up to, and god help me if I get a pantsu x3 combo or something because my head will explode from the sheer amount of f**kitosity it will incur.

Yes. F**kitosity. That's a goddamn thing now.

Free! Episode 11 - Furious All-Out!

I already know I'm going to regret watching this. They're going to do the same thing they've already done before - set up a major cliffhanger that could be strung out over the entire episode if they really wanted to maximize the dramatic tension, only to have it resolved within the first three minutes of the episode, only to relegate the cliffhanger to a miserable existence of never really having needed to exist in the first place, because any dramatic tension associated with it has since dissipated.

In short: This show will fail to become awesome. Rei isn't going to deliver an amazingly awesome speech. He probably isn't even going to say anything particularly noteworthy. My predictions? He's going to be all espousing the values of friendship and teamwork.

I'm ready to be disappointed. Are you?

Sailor Moon R Episode 09 - Is Seijuro the Moonlight Knight? Mako Falls in Love

One of these days, when I'm feeling not entirely all that lazy (re: probably no time soon), I'm going to go through and compile a list of every single sin committed by this show. No, I'm not talking the Cardinal ones (though those will likely be included in the list). I'm talking about things like incest, beastiality, necrophilia... you know, the usual stuff. Every time someone in this show does something morally reprehensible. Then, I'm going to make a running list of good guys versus bad guys, and find out just who is really the more questionable of the two.

I hope to be pleasantly surprised by those findings. By which I mean to say, I really hope to find that the heroes are even more f***ed up than the villains.

And since we're talking about hopes and expectations, I'm going to go ahead and set mine pretty low for tonight, because let's face it - we're nearing the end of a relatively blase filler arc. And really, how good could that possibly be?

Strike Witches Episode 09 - Defend At All Costs

So I finally got to see Pacific Rim.

I'm not sure I need to say anything else. Considering anyone should know that I'm going to say it was f***ing awesome oh sweet god yes give me more. I mean, seriously. Wow.

I could say some pretty similar things about this show. Except replace 'awesome' with 'horrible' and everything after with the word god with 'why'. But other than that? Spot on.

Free! Episode 10 - Irritated Heart Rate!

Oh thank God. According to AniDB, Free! has now been officially listed as only being twelve episodes. That means in two weeks I can drop this show like a bad habit and forget it ever even existed.

No, wait, I'm not sure I'll ever be able to. Not without a great deal of alcohol, electrodes, and twelve volt batteries. Y'know. For electro-shock therapy.

Right. Three episodes. I can do this.

Sailor Moon R Episode 08 - The Culture Fest is for Me?! Queen Rei Sings With Passion

Okay, okay. So I've come to the conclusion that somehow, Sailor Moon is my favorite series to cover out of all of these. Not because it's particularly good, but because it is just horribly bad in all of the right ways that are tolerable, even though they do some incredibly questionable things.

Y'know, like mindf***ing people out of your love for them. Even though that 'love' may really only just be one of those stupid teenage illusions. Because seriously, in all of the flashback stuff, not once has there been actual evidence that those two were ever in any sort of real relationship. After all, how the hell do you get romantically involved with a guy you've never met, who just so happened to show up to say "hey, Earth is about to kill you all, just thought I'd come and warn you, and then kind of die right after they show up along with everybody else. Sorry."

The answer: You don't.

So after the babysitting fiasco, it's time we sit down and examine just how much further this show can sink. Trust me, it's gonna get real weird later this season when *spoilers* shows up.

Strike Witches Episode 08 - Forget You Not

Oh god damn it. Is it really almost Monday again already? Considering my choices include skipping this show are forcing myself through the other half of that HORRIBLE F***ING CLUSTERF**K OF A PEDOPHILE'S WET DREAM, or forcing myself to wade through both this and an episode of Sailor Moon...

Yeah, you know which one I'm gonna pick.

Life hurts right now.

Free! Episode 09 - Hesitant Loosen Up!

I've got a fever. And the only prescription is WHATEVER WILL KILL THIS SHOW WITH FIRE. FOR GOOD.

Yes, sure, it's definitely not the worst show in the world. It's also not terribly good either, with characters that have about as much character as a Jim Hensen puppeteer. That's right, not the puppets, the people controlling those puppets. Those nameless dudes.

Because Kermit de Frog is a hell of a lot more entertaining than watching these schmucks swim around in a pool. AGAIN.  (Disclaimer: I actually love the Muppets, so don't take that as a bash, but lots of folks do for some dumb reason. That said? As a Muppet he doesn't really have much character, aside from being a frog.)

Sailor Moon R Episode 07 - Mamoru and Usagi's Babysitting Mayhem

I was seriously considering not posting anything today. Mostly because I'm just really tired and there's the fact that my new job pretty much has my schedule all turned upside down. And the fact that I haven't been able to prepare these ahead of time just yet.

Then I remembered what happened the LAST TIME I decided not to update on schedule.

IT DID NOT END WELL FOR ANYONE INVOLVED.

Strike Witches Episode 07 - Nice 'n Breezy

As noted previously, it's been a rather interesting last week. I may have felt inclined to, shall we say, live it up with things that don't involve forcing myself to watch shows I utterly despise. Mostly be working, sleeping, and stuffing food down my face hole.

Of course, then I started this episode up and immediately regretted it. I mean immediately. Let me show you why.

Free! Episode 08 - Revenge in the Medley!

So as I was looking up tonight's episode title, I could not help but notice with great disdain that this show has been confirmed now for at least 12 episodes now.

It is as though my worst fears are being confirmed. This is going to become one of those shows that will simply NEVER END. Despite having no real substance to speak of, aside from the obvious yaoi fanbait.

Also, is it me, or are these episode titles starting to make less sense as time goes on? What the hell does "Revenge in the medley" even mean?! The others made sense to a certain extent, but this one? Now they're just plain grasping at straws, man. Unless they pull some Inception-level bullshit at us.

But that would be far too interesting for this show. Let's see what they have in store for us this week.

Kodomo no Jikan Episode 08 - Hold Me Tightly

So some of you might have noticed there was no post for Monday. Whoops. Things happen, and I just wasn't able to get around to doing anything for Monday. Which is sad, as I was rather enjoying this streak of everything having the same episode numbers relatively close in proximity. Ah well, I'm sure that'll balance.

Now the rather astute members of the audience might have picked up on today's title, indicating that this is not what I would normally be watching. In fact, I'm fairly sure I may have insinuated that I NEVER WANT TO WATCH THIS F***ING SHOW EVER AGAIN. But here I am, doing it. I'm going to just guess this is punishment for missing a post on Monday.

F**k you, person-who-knows-who-he-is. You are a horrible person. But not nearly as horrible as the people who made this steaming pile of donkey turds.

Free! Episode 07 - One Style Final!

I have had an incredibly busy week, filled with enough adventure and excitement to pretty much sate the wanderlust of a viking warband. A lot's been going on, but the biggest change is that I'll be starting work next week. Which is a surprise since I wasn't expecting to do that for a couple of weeks out.

Of course, then things also happen in my personal life, which I'm not going to talk about here - it's just life, and shit happens. Then you plan to do things after shit happens, and other shit happens, and then you just kind of shrug and go 'oh well'. Because that's what real adults do in real life. I bet you were wondering where I was going with this, but this is where I segue into a show that wants to be real life by not being real life at all, with people who could only exist in a thing that isn't real life - even though they're convinced they are in real life.

God I hate this show.

Sailor Moon R Episode 06 - Targeted Kindergarten Kids~ Venus' Great Performance

The last few days have been rather exciting for me. It's put me in such high spirits, I really just forgot about Sailor Moon entirely. I mean, seriously, completely forgot it was a thing I was watching at some point.

But what goes up must come down, and eventually the realization came around that I had simply been having entirely too much fun. Which means it was long past time for me to torture myself with something popular and terrible all at once.

Given how the Doom Tree arc has been going, I can only be thankful that it's already halfway over. Because if I really had to deal with another forty episodes of this whole evil alien wanting to bone the main character thing while he's already boning his sister, I'd probably want to kill someone. Also, what is with this series and people wanting to bone in the first place?

Warning: I've spent the last 24 hours watching Macross-related shows. Therefore, I may be inclined to compare everything to that standard.

Strike Witches Episode 06 - We're the Same

Welcome back to our weekly installment of "reasons I should probably avoid meeting certain people in real life for fear of physical violence". Or you could call it Strike Witches. I don't.

I've talked before about how this show will always have a special place in my heart - the one that burns hotter than a million suns, the kind of place that fries an egg with a stare at a thousand yards. I've run out of other things to say. Let's just get this over with.

Free! Episode 06 - No Breathing Shock!

As promised, here is today's post. A little late, due to a combination of factors I like to call "being really friggin' tired". Fact is, by the time I had the chance to sit down and watch this one, I was already well past the deadline and still completely exhausted from my day.

Okay, so if I remember correctly from last week, this show decided it was going to stop trying to be silly and implement some Super Serious Shit. Extra emphasis on the last word there. Let's see how well they perform.

Blog to come later today

As the title says, today's episode will be running a bit behind. When I can manage to stay out of bed for more than ten minutes at a time.

Sailor Moon R Episode 05 - A New Transformation! Usagi Powers Up

Look, let's just get one thing straight here: I *want* to like Sailor Moon. Truly. It's got all the things that I should like in a show. But for some reason, everything about this show just infuriates me instead. I have a low tolerance for stupidity I guess, and that's one thing this show has in spades - just pure idiocy.

It doesn't help that the plots are about as well-thought-out as some of the shit you find over at fanfiction.net. Wait, I take that back. I'm pretty sure some of the shit there is better thought out. Yes, that includes anything involving a self-insert rape fantasy (and isn't that pretty much every fanfic out there?).

I guess rape is a pretty high note to end on, so let's get this train wreck derailing.

Strike Witches Episode 05 - Swift, Gigantic, and Soft

You know how sometimes, you just look at the title of something, and you just tell yourself, "oh dear god, this can only end in horrible catastrophe"? Well, I took a look at today's episode title, and you've got one guess as to what I thought.

I don't think I have anything else to say tonight. Let's just get this over with.

Free! Episode 05 - Trial in Open Water!

Welcome back, dear Internet. Did you miss this show? I certainly didn't. I got a whole two weeks away from the wonderfully wet world of Free!. How many other shows let you break the rules of punctuation by placing a period after an exclamation mark? Not many, I'll wager. It's like they want us to break all the rules here.

Don't even get me started on .hack//INSERTTITLEHERE. That's another rage moment for another day. So much potential wasted...

Sailor Moon R Episode 04 - Usagi's Crisis! The Tiara Doesn't Work

Once again, it's that time. I'd rather be doing a lot of other things than watching this, but there's something about consistency which just, well, calls to me. Also, the fact that the longer I put off this show, the longer it'll take me to actually get through it all.

Also, the new Sailor Moon show has once again been re-scheduled for the end of this year. I wish they'd make up their damn minds once in awhile. Though, I suppose if they could have done that twenty years ago, I wouldn't be writing this blog now, would I?

Strike Witches Episode 04 - Thanks

I've watched a lot of shows in the time I've been watching anime. Come to think of it, I guess I've been doing that for the last twelve years now. Seems like a long time, but it also feels like not so long ago I started watching stuff.

But in that twelve years, there has only been one other show which has filled me with so much anger and vitriol as this show does. And no, I'm not talking about that other show. Dear god no. That one just makes me question what little faith in humanity I have left. No, I'm talking about Peach Girl. Never before have I dropped an anime before the second show because it left me filled with so much rage that I wanted to physically destroy something. Like, with my bare fists. At the time, I was considering flipping over my desk and slamming it against a wall.

Of course, my reasons for hating Peach Girl and hating this show are totally different. Upon talking with other folks, it seems like Peach Girl is one of those kinda-true-stories. So I hate it because of the drama. But this show? I hate this show simply because it is so goddamned awful.

Sailor Moon R Episode 03 - For Whom is the White Rose? The Moonlight Knight Appears

So, as I mentioned last night, Free! has been delayed a week, probably due to some weird Japanese holiday or something, I'm really not sure what the deal is with that. According to their actual website (and dear god I can't believe I'm actually bothering to look this shit up), due to some sort of special programming change, the episodes are all pushed back a week.

And here I was hoping maybe it had been cancelled since it is damn near impossible to get the show to turn up on a Google search. Damn.

Instead, I've got to put myself through something else this week, and I'll be damned if I'm going to double up on Strike Witches. So instead, you get more classical magical girl action.

I really don't want to be watching this tonight...

A note on Free! aka Gay Swimming

You might pop in here around friday, wondering, "where is this new show with young manly men swimming around?" Well the answer is, for some reason, it seems like the show has been delayed for a week. I could probably attempt to scour the internet to find the reasoning behind all of this, but I'm going to guess that those guys at Kyoani (the studio behind this particular show) realized their branding was really bad, since typing Free! into the internet gives you everything that isn't this show.

So expect something else to pop up in its place friday. From there we'll see how much further they decide to take this show, but at the least it's confirmed for another 4 episodes, which means there's a possibility they may try to extend it beyond 12. I sincerely hope not.

Sailor Moon R Episode 02 - For Love and Justice! A Sailor Warrior Once Again

I'm not sure about you, but I think I may be starting to enjoy having a bit of a schedule of sorts like this. Being able to break up shows like this really helps to relieve myself of all the monotony of watching the same crappy show.

Of course, I'm still watching pretty crappy shows, so there's that. You can try to defend Sailor Moon all you want, but if you paid any attention at all to the first series, you know full well that there is plenty of really messed up stuff happening there. Which makes me not look all that forward to this show. Having been watching Pretty Cure, I have to say I much prefer what they did over this. At least with Pretty Cure, they make the transition from funny to serious very well, though it helps a lot that they mostly keep things kind of silly and lighthearted.

Plus, not focusing on the whole 'romance' thing always helps.

Strike Witches Episode 03 - Lonely No More

Strike Witches holds a very special place in my heart. I'm pretty sure it's there right next to wankstas, weeaboos, and people who kick puppies. But it does have a place in my heart. One of these days, I imagine it's going to be the part that gives me a massive coronary.

Assuming it doesn't give me eye stigmatas.

Yes. A stigmata. In my eyes.

Free! Episode 04 - Captive Butterfly!

This is a show that, despite getting hold of it as soon as possible, I simply did not want to watch. Why? Why must I put myself through this? Because I like it? Hell no. Probably because of some serious self-loathing issues I have.

Also, I guess I watched that Ace Attorney movie finally, and it was okay. Not quite what I was expecting, but overall I think I liked it in the end. I'm fairly certain I won't like Free! in the end. In fact, it may well make me cry. Because I don't want things like this to exist.

Sailor Moon R Episode 01 - Moon Revived! The Mysterious Aliens Appear

Well, I suppose this was inevitable at some point. I update the blog three days a week, and two of those days are already filled up with other shows. My choices for the open one right now are Sailor Moon and That Which Shall Not Be Named. So the choice was obvious here because f**k that other show.

On the other hand though, I've managed to go more than a week without having to even think about this show, so let's see what adding the letter R onto the end of a series tends to do for us.

Strike Witches Episode 02 - To Do What I Can

Tonight, I had one of those damning choices to make. Do I watch more of a show I already know I hate with the fury of a batallion of Spartan warriors? Or do I take the chance, and see if maybe Sailor Moon might somehow improve between season one and two?

As you can tell by the title above, I've made my choice. Because for some reason, I'd rather put off old magical girl anime and instead opt for the historically-inaccurate magical girl show. With pantsu all over.

I'll try not to hurl all over my keyboard.

Free! Episode 03 - Theoretical Dolphin Kick!

Today's entry is a bit late, as you might have noticed from that last post. Sometimes, stuff just happens, and you wind up not sleeping and your body goes "wauuughurple". No, literally, I think it made a noise like that.

Also, and I'm just putting it out there, but there is a chance I may not stick with this show. Really, the big thing is, well, I've already managed to establish that the characters, they are not exactly paragons of virtue. Or well-adjusted teenagers who make wise decisions. However, if you come into watching a show like this, and you're expecting great character growth? You're doing it wrong, son.

With that having been said, let's take one more look, and see if this show actually graduates to a plot that makes some sort of sense, or if it just continues to be more baffling than Schrodinger's Cat.

Late Post Friday

Hey folks. I know I'm supposed to have the next episode of Free up.

Sadly, it'll be late. Might be late afternoon or something. With any luck, should be up by tomorrow night. Depends on how I feel when I wake up tomorrow.

Strike Witches Episode 01 - Magical Girl

Today's blog is up late for reasons totally not involving completing the end of Bioshock Infinite. Shut up, it's a thing I haven't been able to do until now but at least that part of my life is over and I can move on.

Right. So today, I'll be going over a show I tried to watch and utterly gave up on. Why? Well... you'll see why. I figure I need a short break from Sailor Moon though, so this will work for the interim, and it will also keep me from doing That Other Show. Because seriously, screw that festering pile of shit.

So I'm replacing one crappy show for another. What in the hell am I doing with my life?

Sailor Moon - This is a Magical Girl Anime?

Hello, class. You may have noticed that I've been watching Sailor Moon around these parts. But how do you think this show really fared, overall?

Sailor Moon Episode 46 - Usagi's Everlasting Wish! A New Reincarnation

So here we finally are. The end of the road. The last episode of the original Sailor Moon series.

There are a lot of words I could use to describe this show, overall. Words that won't be going here, but will go into a nice little piece I'll be putting out next Monday that will act as a final review on the matter.

But for now? I'm going to dive into this one last time, and see how this all finally ends. Even though I'm already pretty sure how it actually ends. I get the feeling it will be entirely too happy, though.

Free! Episode 02 - Memories in the Distance!

Oh dear god. So it seems that the show airs on Wednesdays, so expect your friday slots to be filled with lots and lots of homo-friendly fanfare, because this show is going to be.... well I don't honestly know. Let's just find out together.

Enjoy your double bonus this week.

Sailor Moon Episode 45 - The Sailor Warriors Die! The Tragic Final battle

This is proving to be an incredibly busy week for me. More work piled onto my plate (writing-wise), and yet still meeting the deadlines. Which is an incredibly good thing, let me tell you, it feels good to be able to do stuff like this. Even if it, y'know, is kind of a harrowing process (some days more than others).

With all of that having been said, it's nice to know that people are reading this blog. Lately, it seems to have been getting a little bit of attention. Not a whole lot, mind you, but enough to make me think that there is a chance more than three people read it. Which is nice.

You might have noticed a poll thingy over on the right. I put that there in the hopes that I can gauge how many people are visiting. It's not a very good measure, obviously, but it's better than the stats I do get (which don't really indicate how many people just go straight to the main page in their browser, I think).

So I guess what I'm saying is, thanks for sticking around so long, or if you're just finding this place, welcome. I hope you enjoy. Feel free to spread the blog around, get the word out and make people laugh. Or in the case of KnJ, to warn them never to ever watch that show even if they are being paid to. Which I'm not even.

... suddenly I feel like I am doing something wrong. Shit.

Speaking of doing things wrong this is going on way too long so lets jump into this episode and get this shit done and over with.

Free! Episode 01 - Reunion at the Starting Block!

So you might have noticed by the title that I'm starting up a new show. If you haven't, then you probably noticed just now. Unless you skipped the last two sentences, in which case, I can't help you.

I was sitting around, and then my girlfriend comes up and says, "hey, there's this show that really confuses the hell out of me, maybe you should do something about it." And I, being the complete idiot I am, go "sure, what could possibly go wrong?"

Hence, I am actually going to be watching a currently-airing show. The idea is that this will be a weekly feature. Why am I doing a bonus this week? Two reasons. First, I really, really want to finish Sailor Moon by Friday. Because if I drag that out any longer, it might cause irreversible damage to my frontal lobe. By which I mean to say, I might decide to test the structural integrity of the front of my skull. Second, I want to try to get this blog up as close to the air date as is humanly possible.

With that being said, there is a very slim possibility that you might see another bonus episode this week. Very, very slim, depending on when the second episode airs (and when I can get English translations because those things are kind of important for my understanding). So we'll see. Worst case scenario is, I get to update this next on Monday. Best cast (or actual worst case depending), I might update these on fridays. It all depends on when it becomes available for me.

With that said, let's dive into the wet and wonderful world that is... Free!

Please be gentle. This is my first time.

Kodomo no Jikan Episode 07 - Outdoor School

Remember that friend of mine that I don't get to talk to very often anymore? It's always great when your conversations begin with "Here's the next episode, lolololol".

With friends like that, am I right?

Of course, like an idiot I'm like "well, how bad can it possibly be, right?" I mean, let's face it, I'm pretty sure that this show can't possibly sink any lower than it already has at this point, with everything that's happened up to this point. So let's just see how completely wrong I am, eh?

Sailor Moon Episode 44 - Usagi's Awakening! A Message From the Distant Past

I'm running late tonight. Why? I don't know, could have something to do with THE SKY EXPLODING ALL AROUND. Y'know. Fourth of July? Expressing one's patriotic freedoms by eating hot dogs and blowing things up?

So yeah, hopefully you've enjoyed yours. Mine was pretty good, up until the point I decided that I had to go and write this thing up because I've been busy not getting drunk and making a fool of myself. (No, seriously, I haven't been drinking at all what is up with that how unpatriotic can you get?)

Sailor Moon Episode 43 - Is Usagi Going It Alone? The Sailor Warriors Get Into a Big Fight

With every passing day, I grow one step closer to finishing the first stage of this project. It fills me with a sense of relief, in a way, that I've managed to make it this long without actually causing any permanent physical damage. Like trying to take scissors to my face, or using a cordless drill on my hand.

That's not to say there haven't been moments when I have been sorely tempted to, mind you. Especially in recent weeks.

However, I am almost at the end of this thing. Four more episodes, and I will have completed Sailor Moon. Then I guess I can begin on R or something. Ugh.

I might as well just get this thing over with, so I can cry myself to sleep tonight.

Kodomo no Jikan Episode 06 - Memories

The following is an artist's rendition of how this came about.

Me: Man, it's been awhile since we've talked, and you haven't laughed at me about anything in forever. What's up with that?

Peter: Here's KnJ episode six. Have fun!

Me: I hate you so f***ing much right now.

Might as well just get this thing over with...

Sailor Moon Episode 42 - Sailor Venus' Past, Minako's Tragic Love

Once, a long time ago, I had this idea to try and come up with some clever title for each and every one of these episodes. That idea fell through once I realized the show already does that. That is, if your definition of clever is simply just stringing a long chain of words together to tell you exactly what that episode is about.

Kind of like what I'd hope to achieve, only way less satirical. Just another one of those coping mechanisms I'm not allowed to use because the creators beat me to the punch.

One of these days, I'll get around to posting something that isn't about this show, I swear. One of these days. Tonight is not that day.

Sailor Moon Episode 41 - I Won't Run From Love Anymore! Ami and Mamoru's Showdown

You know, I'm kind of excited. Slowly but surely, I am coming to the end of this thing, and it feels good. Like, seriously good. Completing things is fun, even if those things appear to be an incredibly arduous task that may or may not actually cause physical discomfort while doing them. It's all a matter of finding a way to enjoy things that can best be described as 'an utterly terrible experience'.

Maybe I've grown a thicker skin, and become somewhat inundated to the sheer badness of this show. I mean, it's kind of tapered off I think, so maybe we can just coast to the end and be done with it. That'd be nice.

Sailor Moon Episode 40 - Legendary Spirit of the Lake! Usagi's Family Bonds

I'm getting closer. Slowly, but surely, the end of the tunnel is in sight. Haha. I'm almost done.

For some reason, this thought gives me an incredible feeling of relief. Because when this is over, when I am done with this season, I'm going to give it a full, overall review based on the entirety of it, and lay down a final verdict. It's only fair to settle the score once you've documented evidence of having seen the entire show, right? I think it's fair.

So with that in mind, let's just get down to business folks. 39 episodes down... seven left to go.

Sailor Moon Episode 39 - Pairs with a Youma? The Queen on Ice, Mako-chan.

I am back, for the last day of the usual work week. That is, Friday. Everyone likes Friday. Especially the casual ones, because you will wear those non-black socks and you will like it, yes sir you will, you rebel you.

Today's pre-post non-witty banter is brought to you by Lack of Creativity. Lack of Creativity: For when you just don't give a damn.

No post for Wednesday

Hi folks, just wanted to let you know there won't be a post this Wednesday. Things came up, and I doubt I'll have the time or energy to put into forcing myself through another episode of utter badness. Check back on Friday, and we'll see where things end up then.

Sailor Moon Episode 38 - The Snow! The Mountains! Our Friendship! And a Youma, Too!

Did everyone have a good Father's Day weekend? I certainly hope so. Family is an important thing, and if you are fortunate enough to have family worth giving a damn about, you should totally honor them every now and again with bribes of steak dinners and fine liquors.

I won't go into what I did over the weekend. It was nice. Mostly because I spent the last several days not putting myself through having to watch this show. Sadly, that means I am now behind again, which is always a pain in the ass, because I hate doing these things at the last minute. Sometimes, you just don't have much choice.

Sailor Moon Episode 37 - To Be a True Princess? Usagi in Special Training

This is the 37th episode of the series. It's kind of surreal, in that I have been doing this for so long already, and yet it feels like I am making zero progress. On the other hand, I'm less than ten episodes away from the end of the series, and somehow I have managed to stave off the worst of the mental trauma.

It's been a long way to get here, and I have an even longer way to go yet. Plus I still have that other show to get through at some point. Plus, I'll be wanting to get into some other other shows at some point. I'm thinking, Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, maybe? I'm open to suggestions for anything the internet feels would be sufficiently traumatic.

Sailor Moon Episode 36 - Usagi is Confused! Is Tuxedo Mask Evil?

I have had a rather eventful day so far. Lots of wonderful things happening in the world, like E3, which I seem to be following much more closely this year than in previous ones. Might be because I'm between work and have nothing better to do. Might be because the console lineup is kind of exciting. Could even have something to do with the fact that I am interested in some of the games coming out in the next year or so.

But let's just be honest here: I wanted to see how badly Sony could slam Microsoft into the ground, and that shit was downright hilarious.

In fact, I've had such a great evening, I need to bring myself down from this high cloud of awesomilitude. If that isn't a word, then by damn it should be. Let's get to work.

Sailor Moon Episode 35 - Memories Return! Usagi and Mamoru's Past

It's kind of a funny thing y'know, I think I might be on the verge of getting sick. I could attribute that to a lot of different things, but odds are, forcing myself to watch this show probably isn't the best idea I could have.

Still though, the last one wasn't so bad, right? Surely, there could well be some hope for this show actually moving towards it goals quickly, right? I mean, hell, they just finally revealed that magically the person the show is based around is, spoiler alert, the princess of the freakin' moon.

Come to think of it, that might not be such a great thing. Have you seen the moon lately? It's kind of, um, empty these days.

Oh yeah, and there was a thing about Tuxedo Mask dying, but probably not? Might as well see where this leads us.

Sailor Moon Episode 34 - Shine, Silver Crystal! The Moon Princess Appears

Right, so there was this thing, and some stuff happened, and I suddenly didn't know friday was upon us so here we are at one in the morning trying to get this thing out onto the interwebs.

Also, I am totally not drunk. I promise you that. Have I been drinking, on the other hand...?

Let's see where this episode takes us. My best guess? Somewhere horrible.

Sailor Moon Episode 33 - The Final Sailor Senshi, Venus, Appears!

You ever have one of those times where you predict something, and then hate yourself later because it winds up becoming true? Yeah, well remember that time I said this show was going to show up in my dreams?

... yeah I hate myself for saying that because it actually happened last night.

I'm a little bit rusty on my Lovecraftian horror stories, but I'm fairly certain this is beginning of the descent into certifiable madness.

Sailor Moon Episode 32 - Umino's Resolution! "I'll Protect Naru-chan!"

You know, I generally have something incredibly witty or insightful to say before I start writing these pieces. That was all dashed when this was the first thing I saw upon viewing the newest episode:

Just kill me now. Please.

The show hasn't even begun and already my desire to continue watching have plummeted to all new lows.

Why god, why???

Sailor Moon Episode 31 - Loved and Pursued! Luna's Worst Day

Alternate title: I totally didn't forget to write anything at all and it was not Minecraft-related at all. I just didn't think that would fly as a title though, so you get whatever today's episode name turns out to be (funny that!).

On the topic of titles, I've been eyeing the first of the movies, and a few realizations have risen up in the folds of that wrinkly gray thingy of mine. How am I going to title them? Will I be able to come up with something wittier than "part 1" and "part 2"?

Heck, for that matter, how am I going to divvy them up into parts? Should I go with every twenty minutes or so, since that's about how long an episode generally runs?

Most likely that last one, with the 'shorter' "specials" being their own thing. Why did I use so many quotation marks? Hell if I know. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Sailor Moon Episode 30 - Grandpa's Insanity - Rei-chan's Crisis

So when I started this thing up some time back, I had hoped to establish that this show is, in fact, incredibly disturbing and, by all accounts, not that great. So far, we appear to have established that it seems to be teaching children some incredibly twisted values of romance. Thus far, we've seen teenaged girls constantly falling in love with men ten years too old for them, college students who follow middle-school girls around, brothers who share more than just a familial bond, and straight-up pedophiles.

Note the plural there, because Mamoru is not alone in this. Nephrite too was guilty on several counts of this, not to mention the numerous abusive relationships that have developed over the course of the show.

Let's not forget the stalkers either. It has been clearly established that many of the characters in this show have engaged in stalking, physical abuse, mental abuse, emotional abuse, and in at least one case so far, incest. Not to mention the taking interest in children nearly half their age.

The most disturbing part of all this? Our heroine has tried to defend several instances of those activities and engaged in them herself. With all of that said, what more can I possibly uncover over the final 16 episodes of this show? Truth be told, I'm a little bit scared to find out, but I may as well press on. I passed that point of no return like, twenty episodes ago. I'm committed now, so let's get it over with and try to apply some semblance of reason to this craze.

Sailor Moon Episode 29 - Total Chaos! Messy Love-square

Did everyone enjoy the holiday weekend? Eat steaks, set off some explosives, maybe visit a cemetary or two? American holidays sure are weird. In that we honor our dead by blowing things up and eating lots of food.

Though, to be fair, Memorial Day usually is less on the explosions chart. Generally the 4th of July does it with a real bang (and at least that makes sense), but hey. Explosions are inherently American, for some reason.

I guess this leads me to things that are distinctly not American. Also not inherently enjoyable. Let's do this.

Sailor Moon Episode 28 - The Drawings of Love, Usagi and Mamoru Getting Closer?

Upon reflection, it would seem that either I am growing a little bit soft on this show, or they've been making a concerted effort to simply make a better series. Either that, or I have become somewhat inundated to the worst qualities of Sailor Moon, instead accepting it for what it is (which is, frankly, an okay show at best).

Or there's always the option that they've been secretly lulling me into a false sense of security, in a vague attempt to get my hopes up before utterly crushing my sanity like a peanut shell. Let's find out.

Sailor Moon Episode 27 - Love for Ami-chan? The Boy Who Sees the Future

So this is old news for the rest of the internet, but news for a guy who was offline for nearly a month: The new Sailor Moon series has been delayed, probably until 2015.

Which means that I will probably have finished watching every single episode and movie by then, and posted blog entries regarding them. That's good. On the other hand, though, it's still that much more of this show I have to watch. Why? Because I promised myself I would do this and I am stupid.

Speaking of stupid, I have an episode to watch and putting it off won't make it go by any faster, so let's just get this done and over with already.

Sailor Moon Episode 26 - To See Naru-chan Smile! Usagi's Friendship

Sometimes, I say things I come to regret later. Like this entire blog. Or saying 'I will totally have a post up by monday'.

... so yeah I pretty much wasted the entire weekend but there are deadlines to meet so LETS DO THIS. Time to ruin my brain.

An update for your update

Because I heard you guys like updates, right?

The internet, as of today, has been installed in my new domicile. So you know what this means?

It means I spend the rest of the week catching up on everything I've missed and not watching tv shows that make me want to field kick a chihuahua.

Do you know what that means? It means I'm not a horrible animal abuser is what that means. Incidentally, this also means that there will be an actual update on Monday.

So yeah. Be prepared. There's a beer in the fridge and I may be forced to use it.

No updates until further notice

So, remember I mentioned I was moving and might not have stable internets for awhile?

Yeah, well see you in a couple of weeks then.

Sailor Moon Episode 25 - Strong Girl in Love - Jupiter-chan

Y'know, I've been meaning to get ahead on these entries for awhile now. Unfortunately, time has just been against me. Of course, now is the time I really need to be ahead on them in order to maintain consistent updates, so maybe once I get settled back in again, things can remain updating on a regular schedule, without me having to go 'did I do that thing yet?'.

It's all about timing.

Speaking of, this time the episode overview shows up before the opener! What is going on? Is this a new Sailor Moon? Let's find out! (Money's on it being probably not though.)

Sailor Moon Episode 24 - Naru's Cry! Nephrite Dies for Love

Today's friday. At least, the day this is posted is friday. Friday is a good day, universally liked for the start of the weekend, and the end of the work week. Normally it is associated with partying and all sorts of frivolity.

For me? I'll be meeting up with my father to prepare for a bit of a drive. Why do I mention this? Well... I may or may not have an internet connection where I am going. As such, I may be indisposed for a time. But no worries. It probably won't be for very long.

Also, it may be the first sign of my mind going, but... I think I'm starting to hum along with the intro song. Oh god, what am I becoming?

Sailor Moon Episode 23 - Wish Upon a Shooting Star! Naru's Pure Love

Things on my list to do this week: Wash clothes, sweep room, eat food, move to another state for the second time this year (and the third time moving period this year).

Things not on my list to do: Get fat, snort coke, watch Sailor Moon, commit suicide.

And yet at least one of those things not on my list I am doing, it seems. (I'll give you a minute, it may take a few guesses as to which it is.)

No post for monday

Perhaps you thought I was joking about how much that last episode of Sailor Moon made me feel.

I really wasn't. I still can't bear to watch any more of it, and I sure as hell am not going to force myself to watch more of Kodomo no Jikan.

So for now? You can wait until Wednesday. Maybe by then I will have recovered.

Sailor Moon Episode 22 - Romance Under the Moon! Usagi's First Kiss

They say you can become desensitized to anything, given enough exposure to it. Violence, for example. We see it all the time on TV, and in our video games these days. Or there are people who get used to pain so much that they begin to like it. Like, physical pain actually gives them pleasure or something. Or if you eat the same thing enough, no matter how much you hate it, you'll find a way to tolerate it.

It is at this point I have to ask myself: Am I slowly becoming desensitized to this show? Have I finally watched so much of it that its inherent badness just washes over me like the river over a stone? Somehow, I get the feeling the answer is hell no.

Sailor Moon Episode 21 - Protect the Children's Dreams! Friendship Linked by Anime

According to this ancient thing called 'math', if I continue to do three episodes per week, I can be done with this show in all its entirety in about 66 weeks. Or about 15 months-ish. That doesn't include the movies. Or the new show that is supposed to air sometime later this year. When? Nobody knows. How long is it? Nobody knows. Though since it's some kind of commemoration of the 20th anniversary, I get the feeling it will be just an OVA.

I pray to god it's just an OVA. Because if I have to sit through another entire season of this show, I might just start going all Hulkamania on folks, snapping into Slim Jims and asking if you can smell what the Rock is cooking. I like to think my friend Bill Murray describes the most likely scenario if it turns out to be an entire season in the following:



Not exactly the best situation, I assure you.

Sailor Moon Episode 20 - The Summer! The Ocean! Our Youth! And A Ghost Too!

Another night, another evening of torture. I've been asked quite a lot lately why it is I'm even doing this. I like to claim it's because bad anime won't watch itself. Or because I feel like it's only just that I reveal to the world how utterly terrible these supposedly god-worshipped anime are.

But some theorize that, on some deeper level, I actually enjoy these shows. Is that the case? Hell no.

So why do I continue to do these things? Well, because it seemed like a good idea at the time. I mean, one of those 'good ideas' that you know is kind of bad but you feel obligated to follow through with it just because it's funny. Only come to find it it is actually far worse than you could have possibly imagined.

It's like MST3K, only without the supporting robot cast. Sigh.

Sailor Moon Episode 19 - Usagi is Thrilled! Tuxedo Mask's Love Letter

You know, it's been raining a lot lately. Interestingly enough, it didn't start the torrential downpours until after I restarted this blog.

Coincidence? I hope so.

Anyways, after the terrifying mess that was the last episode, let's see just exactly how explicit the series decides to get on the next episode. Somehow, I get the feeling it is going to be lighthearted and obnoxious.

Sailor Moon Episode 18 - Shingo's Innocent Love! A Sorrowful French Doll

After the travesty that was that last episode of KnJ, I need something slightly less terrible to rot my brain with. Which means going back to my comfort food that is Sailor Moon. Is that really even a comfort food? Also, what is with my obsession with eating lately? (Protip: It may have everything to do with my current state of employment.)

So tonight happens to be a rainy night. Something about thunderstorms. They may have also attempting to insinuate something about earthquakes, birds, snakes, aeroplanes, and something about Lenny Bruce. Or maybe that was something else I heard today? Who knows.

Kodomo no Jikan Episode 05 - A Summer Vacation Friend

Why God? Why do things like this show get made?

My friend has promised me that this show is about to get better.

I suspect he's a lying shit.

He mentioned something about a 'swimsuit episode'. THIS DOES NOT SOUND LIKE BETTER TO ME AT ALL. IN FACT, IT MAKES ME THINK QUITE THE OPPOSITE.

What was that I said awhile back about not using caps? WELL SCREW THAT THEY ARE MY COMFORT FOOD. THING. WHATEVER. Judging by the title, this can only go downhill.

Update Schedule

Updates will begin resuming this coming Monday, April 8th. I'm going to take another crack at the Monday-Wednesday-Friday update schedule. With any luck, this schedule should not be too difficult to maintain, given my current surplus of time.

In the meanwhile, I'm going to get back to getting Monday's update ready to go. Just a small spoiler: Some asshole talked me into Kodomo no Jikan again.

There is not enough alcohol in the world.

A housekeeping post

Just a quick blurb to say that this blog is currently on hiatus due to moving out of state.

Things will probably return by the start of next month, once life is a little more stable. We'll see.

Until then, go out and find something terrible for me to watch.

Sailor Moon Episode 17 - Is Usagi a Model? The Focus of the Monster Camera

I don't have an amusing anecdote today. Or any anecdote for that matter. I'm just going to get this thing over with in the hopes that it'll maybe go down a little easier or something.

Today's episode overview: Evil photographers who shoot laser beams out of their cameras. Then there's a message of judging girls on their looks. Can these episodes really get any more formulaic? Answer: Probably.

Sailor Moon Episode 16 - Dream of a White Dress! Usagi Becomes a Bride

Things are a bit quiet tonight. Perhaps a bit too quiet. I need to fix this by causing some severe mental scarrage. Hence, the next episode of Sailor Moon.

I figure, ANYTHING is better than that other show.

Anything.

Sailor Moon Episode 15 - Usagi is Frantic! Rei's First Date

I have been a terrible, terrible author. By which I mean to say, I haven't been posting like I promised because frankly, my schedule has been a real mess. It's one of those things you never really seem to get a hold of.

But I guess I should find some time to slide another one of these episodes out into the world, now that said schedule is looking to return to its normal run of giving me at least one day on the weekend to do whatever. With the occasional time during the week to do.... whatever. Hard to follow the rules of the Punishment game when you have to be up at five in the morning.

With that said, let's move onto the next episode on the list (because screw KNJ, I am totally not putting up with that bullshit right now). Oh, also this episode seems to be 'uncut'. Whatever that means.

Sailor Moon Episode 14 - A Powerful New Enemy! Nephrite's Evil Crest

You won't notice anything differently, but this week I am finally beginning the transition to a Monday-Wednesday-Friday update schedule. Which also means I am writing these a little bit ahead of time. This is beneficial for several reasons: Namely, when I finally get to working on movies, I'll be doing them in parts, to prevent them from becoming the inevitable massive walls of text that they will in fact become.

Of course, the basic rules of this game are still in effect. Namely, I write this in the dark of night, in order to hide my shame. Also, so that my howls of agony will be masked as just some annoying dog.

Kodomo No Jikan Episode 04 - My Mother

It's been a hell of a year so far. In the course of two weeks, I've managed to move apartments, start sleeping on the couch due to lack of space, and find out just how bad my tax returns are looking. Not to mention the billions of other things going wrong. But heck, what better reason to torment oneself than when things are just going really, really wrong in life?

Also, my friend is a jerk and somehow talked me into watching this show. Again. You, friend, are an ass.